Mother in Law vent!!!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
806 posts
Busy bee

Not a Mother-In-Law problem; this is a Fiancé problem. You have to decide if you can live with a life partner who is content with “letting her [his mother] get her way”, even it means making his spouse suffer. He is prioritizing his mother over you. Are you okay with that? I doubt this will change without at least some individual counseling on his part. 

Post # 3
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - Mountains

The best piece of advice I’ve gotten from these boards is to limit the information train. The details of your wedding should be on a “need to know basis”. If you Future Mother-In-Law isn’t paying for anything other than the rehearsal dinner and the alcohol at the reception then she doesn’t need to know anything beyond what affects those things. Yes she sounds terrible and its not her wedding, in fact, she’s paying for very little of it.

The less she knows the better, but also agree with PP that your fiance needs to stand up to mommy.

Post # 4
6023 posts
Bee Keeper

“No” is a complete sentence and I’d practice using it.

Post # 5
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: By the lake

It’s time to step in and tell her this is your wedding and not hers.  If she doesn’t, then tell her that you have decided to just elope.  Who is paying for the wedding?  And even if she is paying for the wedding, you have the say because it is your wedding.  Your future husband better steps in as well.  Don’t let your mother in law dictate your life and your marriage.  And if your future husband is not going to do anything about it, then I’m afraid that there will be problems in the future.  

Post # 6
2036 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’m gonna have to go with “eff” letting her get her way.  Keep the info train shut down, ignore her stupid comments and let her go off the rails if she wants.  She can’t make your life hell unless you allow it.  Fiance should not be relaying any comments to you at this point because its not helpful and only adds to the stress.

Since she’s paying for the rehearsal, let her have at it.  Bring food you can eat and don’t allow that stress in your life.  Drop it….its not worth getting upset over.

You both need to learn how to set boundaries.  Bad/disrespectful behavior should have consequences.

Oh and drop by DWIL.  These people can be harsh but they know how to handle overbearing IL’s.

Post # 7
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

It’s good that your Fiance recognizes how awful she is (many partners don’t!!). However, that’s only step one. The second step, which is more important, is actually standing up to her. I’d insist on pre-marital counseling since he isn’t willing or able to stand up to her. He needs to learn that just letting her get her way = enabling, and enabling is dangerous. That is a bad habit that needs to be snuffed out before your wedding, and certainly before you have children. Good luck! 

Post # 8
2236 posts
Buzzing bee

DWIL nation, stat. You have a Fiance problem if this stress is reaching you. He’s allowing it to be your problem instead of handling it before it gets to you. He will continue to allow her to be your problem once you’re married, and esp when/if you have kids. 

My Mother-In-Law is like this, but she stresses me out 0 because DH put a stop to her antic back during the wedding planning process. 

You want to make good and sure those apron strings are cut, and that your Fiance will stand up to his mother and tell her “No” BEFORE the wedding. 

I walked out on my Mother-In-Law during wedding planning. She said something rude and I just quietly got up and walked out, then my DH univited her from the venue walkthrough the next day. She’s been on her best behavior ever since. Actions have consequences. 

Post # 9
2457 posts
Buzzing bee

1. Let her control the rehearsal dinner and inviting a friend. It’s a small price to pay for family unity. 
2. Stop telling Future Mother-In-Law anything about the wedding. if she asks, just tell her that you have it covered and change the subject. If she pushes, say you are exhausted talking about the wedding and be prepared with a plethora of questions about her, complete with asking her advice for random things. She will probably soon be sidetracked. 
3. Work out a plan of action with your fiance for handling his mother. You need to be a united front and you need to get it figured out NOW, before kids and whatever else happens in life. 

Good luck!

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