(Closed) Mother in law wants to babysit. No.

posted 4 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
Member
3443 posts
Sugar bee

I didn’t even read your entire post so I can’t say if you are overreacting, but I read enough to convince me that you need someone besides Mother-In-Law to watch your baby.

Post # 3
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

Aside from your worries about her falling with the baby, which are warranted, most of this stuff sounds like minor annoyances that have built up over time. I think your husband needs to talk to his mother about the rules you’ve put in place, why they’re in place, and what she needs to do (i.e., be in the room with someone else) when she wants to hold or play with the baby.

Post # 4
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I don’t think you are overreacting as far as the decisions you are making like not letting Mother-In-Law alone with baby and putting up boundaries with her since she’s not being respectful. However, you and your husband need to be on the same page as a united front with her. You say you aren’t even comfortable of leaving him alone with Mother-In-Law and baby because he will leave her alone with baby so you obviously need to have a discussion about that. As for the rest, I’m a mom and I get how strong that protective instinct is. For the first entire month after my son was born I had legit panic attacks when anyone else held him (including DH) because I was absolutely and irrationally convinced they were going to drop him. I think you greatly dislike Mother-In-Law and you do have some valid points to since she is disrespectful but maybe try to have a nicer attitude towards her? I am not excusing her actions but I’m sure she can tell you can’t stand her and it’s probably not helping matters.

Post # 5
Member
9406 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I read the first couple paragraphs, about her falling and being frail etc.. I don’t need to read on, I agree with you–she shouldn’t babysit.

ETA: just glanced back up and read the “just because she falls sometimes” and I had to lol a bit.  I mean seriously?  That’s like a pool-boy being annoyed you didn’t hire him “just because he pees in the pool sometimes” or a house-sitter being annoyed you didn’t hire them “just because she starts kitchen fires sometimes”.  Yeah, it’s kind of a big deal.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think you have valid points and your Mother-In-Law should not be baby sitting. BUT wanted to point out that this also must be painful for MIL- I mean she has a grandchild she can’t hold/ play with / care for. That’s got to be hard, so maybe try and consider that when she is driving you up the effing wall. 

Post # 7
Member
5785 posts
Bee Keeper

Your baby is dependent on you and your husband to make decisions in her best interest and this includes not letting your sneaky, obstinate, over-bearing  MIL babysit her or even be alone in the room with her. You’re not over-reacting, your concerns are totally valid. She goes against your wishes behind your back, that right there is good enough reason for a resounding NO. And agree, she is not up to caring for a baby or toddler physically either. 

Post # 9
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I think you’re perfectly justified in not letting your Mother-In-Law watch the baby. If she’s prone to falls, then she can’t safely pick up the child, and therefore the child can’t be left alone with her. End of story.

There’s a lot of other stuff in your post that’s not really relevant to the decision, and I’d recommend leaving that out when you discuss it. (Like, I think it’s pretty common for MILs to make annoying comments suggesting that they know how to take care of your child better than you do. That in itself wouldn’t be enough of a reason to forbid her from babysitting.)

Post # 10
Member
5874 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

You are being reasonable.  She isn’t in the kind of physical condition that would be ideal for caring for a baby, and she doesn’t seem to have the right kind of relationship with you to make it a harmonious arrangement anyhow.  How on earth would she do this while living 1.5 hours away anyhow?

Post # 11
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee

Listen to that mama bear instinct…you have it for a reason!

“She falls sometimes”…omg nearly had a heart attack reading that and someone thinking that is perfectly fine.

Also- check out DWIL for Mother-In-Law babysitting horror stories. She stomps on boundaries now and doesn’t listen to your parenting decisions when you’re right in front of her…what do you think would happen when you’re not there.

 

Post # 13
Member
11398 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

She doesn’t respect your boundaries, so of course she would not be a good person to watch your baby.

You’re not over-reacting at all. If anything, you’re not listening to yourself. Your complaints are valid and speak to her lack of ability to be a good care giver. 

Post # 14
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think you are overreacting at all! All your points are completely valid. I feel like even if your husband had a talk with her, it wouldn’t make much of a difference since she clearly did not listen to your requests in the past. Maybe your best bet really is to take out a second mortgage and get a quality daycare.

Post # 15
Member
1009 posts
Bumble bee

I do think you might be a bit hypervigilant about the swaddle and your MIL’s comments (they sound more annoying than dangerous, but since her tone isn’t really conveyed through your post, I’m not sure), but in terms of her health, absolutely not – you are completely right about not leaving her alone with your baby. She is not in good enough physical health to take care of the baby, and actually poses a potential threat. The combination of falling along with diabetes and heart issues is really dangerous – it’s not just falling, it’s not just falling with the baby, but if she experienced heart failure or a low blood sugar, she could fall ON your baby. I’m not trying to be weird, but it’s definitely an issue. Before my grandmother passed away, she was obese with heart failure, diabetes, and lung cancer, and I cared for her. There was an incident where she fell partially on top of me (she outweighed me by almost 90 lbs) and I ended up with a temporarily damaged hip. And I’m a full sized adult. 

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