- 4 years ago
- Wedding: January 2020
Yesterday my mother in law told my husband that she would like to watch our baby when my husband goes back to work. I have been back at work since week 8 and he will go back when the baby is about 6 months old.
My answer to this would be a resounding NO WAY IN HELL. But maybe I’m overreacting. I am super protective of her when it comes to other people, and I don’t know that’s always warranted. But I dont’ think it’s a good idea for my mil to watch her. Not at all.
Some background: My mother in law is 75 years old and in just ok shape for her age. She’s had diabetes for years and also has congestive heart failure. She manages them just fine, but she is in no way fit or active. She’s obese and she can barely walk from say the handicapped parking spot to the door of a place. She has had a few minor falls adn relies on either a walker or someone’s arm when she is out and about. She is not comfortable driving long distances by herself and has to follow one of us to get on the right freeway to go home. she lives about an hour and a half away from us.
She stayed with us the first week we brought our newborn home. It didn’t go very well. I asked her not to pick up my child from her bouncy chair on the floor, she tried to anyway WHILE THE SEATBELT WAS STILL ON, and my mom had to intervene to prevent a distaster. After my Mother-In-Law fell a few days after that while trying to pick something up off the ground, we asked her not to pick stuff up off the ground, and DEFINITELY don’t try to pick up the baby. However, a few days later, when we left the room, we came back to catch her trying to pick up the baby from her chair on the floor again. Perhaps I overreacted, but this TERRIFIED me. That mamabear hormone is strong! In my not-best-moment I snapped at her “You need to respect us, or else you can leave.” I also told my husband to not let her be alone with the baby.
My sil says that my mil is upset that we won’t leave her alone with the baby “just because she falls sometimes.” No, it’s not just because she falls. It’s because when we ask her not to do things that might result in her FALLING WITH OUR BABY she doesn’t comply. Our house, our baby, our rules.
I also just don’t trust her. There were two times when we were at the hospital when we explicitly asked that no family or friends come in the room, and she tried to come in both times. The first time was when the lactation consultant was working with me (there were lots of tears because bf was super painful for us) and the second time was when we were getting results from the baby’s echocardiogram – sensitive times when we didn’t want to deal with anyone else’s opinions. (other than that, all throughout labor, and also throughout the 2 days in the hospital, we let people come and go as we please. It was kind of a zoo) Both times she walked in and then was offended when we kicked her out. The other family members and friends who respectfully waited outside were pretty shocked, too. Oh and she even said about the echocardiogram, “I already know what they are going to say. It’s not anythign hereditary.” (IT WAS.)
Another time when we were home my husband was in the shower and I was going to pump and the baby was falling asleep so we swaddled her and put her in the crib. Mother-In-Law said the baby didn’t like being swaddled. There is no basis for her thinking that. We told her to please just let the baby sleep in her crib while he showered and I pumped. As soon as he was in the shower and I was hooked up to the pump, she went into the baby’s room. A few seconds later I heard the baby crying. I unhooked, dashed in, and saw my Mother-In-Law leaning over the crib and the baby had become unswaddlesd. Mother-In-Law says that the baby came out of the swaddle, but I don’t believe her. I think she purposely waited for us to be busy, then went in and unswaddled her. If it hadn’t been for the other times I wouldn’t think that, but I feel like she can’t be trusted because she doesn’t respect what we ask her to do.
She also has stopped by unannounced before. Once she got upset when she showed up without warning at 8pm and was still there at 10pm and I left the room for 20 minutes to go pump breastmilk. She thought I was being rude for that. Now we tell her she can’t come by without warning so she calls us when she’s already like only 10 minutes away. I’ve had to scramble to get dressed and clean up the house a bit before she gets there and its’ stressful. Since I work full time I CHERISH my weekends and evenings with the baby. When she visits unannounced like that I feel like I”m being robbed of time with my baby.
So anyway, for those reasons I just feel resentful toward her and don’t want her watching the baby when I’m not there. I mean, she can’t pick her up. She can barely hold her while sitting down. How the fuck is she supposed to care for her all day, esepcially once baby starts crawling and walking? Plus I know she wouldn’t do what we asked her to do. She’s been hassling us to give the baby water and solids – baby just turned 4 months and is fed exclusively breastmilk and is in perfect health, so there’s no reason for that! I feel like if she watched her she’d start feeding her all kinds of shit and we’d constantly have to monitor her.
No. no no no no no no no. My husband agrees with me, but it softer about it (I understand. It’s his mom and he loves her, as he should)
OH and I forgot one of the best parts. When my husband told her that it wouldn’t work out to haveher watch her, she said something like “well I just want to make sure the baby is ok.” OOOOOOOOOOOOH LADY, EFF YOU. Our baby is so healthy and so happy and so well taken care of. YOU are the one who would endanger her. I’d rather take out a second mortgage to pay for daycare than let her watch the baby.To be honest, I don’t even trust her to be in the house with my husband there while I’m at work because he does leave her alone with the baby sometimes. Nope. nope nope nope.
Ok rant over. I am probably a mean ridiculous mommy right now. But this just got me steaming.
Reality check – how much am I overreacting here?