(Closed) Mother in law wants to babysit. No.

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
Post # 31
Member
8502 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You don’t even need to list your reasons. You’re not comfortable with it, end of story. Two Yes’s, one No situation.

Even if she was able to watch the baby right now, in a few months there will be no WAY she will be able to handle a toddler. Get your baby into a quality daycare and a good routine now; why mess with it again in a few months?

My Mother-In-Law is similar health wise, and the one time she actually tried to actively play with dd and sit her down on the floor, she dropped her onto her butt from about 2′ up and fell herself. Nope nope nope nope. Pretty sure DH could feel my glare through the back of his skull.

Post # 32
Member
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Nope nope nope nope nope.  You need your daycare to be someone who will follow your instructions to the letter, be qualified in baby first aid/CPR, be up to date on safety recommendations and above all, be someone you can fire if it’s not working out for whatever reason.  If you did start out with your Mother-In-Law as daycare and it didn’t work out, having to fire her would destroy the relationship. Can you put it to your DH that way? Also, if she texts you when she’s ten minutes away, reply “that doesn’t work for us,” then don’t answer the door. DWIL Nation, as suggested by another poster, can help you with all of this.

Post # 33
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Oh girl. Head on over to the DWIL board at babycenter and find some concrete advice on how to best deal with this. Your MIL is waaaaaaaaay out of line. But your husband is complicit in this behavior so you have a HUSBAND problem, not a Mother-In-Law problem. 

Post # 34
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee

Second DWIL. They will give you the best language and strategies.

Post # 35
Member
6648 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
nunyabeeswax :  I’m not a parent, but I agree. NO. An hour and a half away isn’t helpful either. Are you supposed to drive an extra 1.5 hours after work to get your baby? I think your gut is right.

Post # 36
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
nunyabeeswax :  I’m not a mom yet but I feel like this would be me to a T. The only difference is that my Mother-In-Law is 50 but just as selfish.

Go with your gut. PP pointed out that she probably does feel bad about her body giving out and not being able to nurture her grandchild. Maybe set up a once a month Nana & Baby date where it’s all about them…with you in the room of course. This way everyone gets the attention they need. 

 

Post # 37
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee

Nope. Figure something else out. This sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen. She’s not in the right state of physical health to be caring for a baby.

Post # 38
Member
6 posts
Newbee

That is not a safe situation. You need put your child’s safety and happiness first. Say no politely, but with no excuses or reasoning. Your child, your choice. 

Post # 39
Member
708 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

There are some points which are completely irrelevant to the situation.  Regarding childcare the only thing that matters is: can the caregiver provide a safe and active environment for your child.  In your case the answer is no.  She can’t keep up with the demands of a baby, she has quite serious medical conditions, and she probably couldn’t react fast enough to a medical emergency (is she even certified?).  Based on these reasons you have every right not to feel comfortable with her watching your child.

Post # 40
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

View original reply
nunyabeeswax :  yes, mamabear instincts kick in. but maybe you are overreacting in the sense that NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO. maybe, “no” will suffice. tell your mil why you don’t want in a calm manner. be objective rather than reactive. she needs your baby too, as a source of happiness and sense of purpose these days. check this [url=http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tira-harpaz/grandparents-hungry-for-grandchildren_b_3193677.html] article [/url]  to have a perspective of what grandparents with grandchildren. just find a nanny who would be truly in charge. discuss the terms with mil and nanny that the first is not allowed to be alone with the baby. 

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