(Closed) Mother inviting people to wedding that she isn't paying for……

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

OMG. I would tell her that you’re so sorry but you didn’t send her an invitation. 

Your mom can deal with it from there. 




Post # 4
46645 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would respond that ” There must have been some breakdown in communication between you and my mother. We are at maximum capacity and are unable to add anyone else  to the guestlist. I feel badly that you made plans in the absence of an invitation.”

Post # 5
1519 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@bone1080:  My Mother-In-Law (also not paying for a lick of anything) finally stopped inviting people when I got angry at her. She’s never seen angry from me, but I’m sorry. I drew the line when we were inviting my siter in law’s husband’s parents, who I don’t even know!! COME ON!!!!! I would totally put this back on your mom. Let her clean up the mess, you have enough to worry about.

Post # 6
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

“I am sorry but there must have been a comunication error.  You were not sent an invitation and our contract with both our cater and venue will not allow us to add any more guest.  I hope this does not effect your relationship with both my mother and I.”  After I got down apologizing to her I would go straight to my mother and let her know I’m beyond angry.  I’d also inform my mother if anyone univited shows up I will assume they were invited by her and they will be turned away.

I suggest you tell them yourself because you never know what your mom might say.


Post # 7
11270 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@bone1080:  wow, just wow.  i agree with pp.  tell her that she has been misinformed and have your mother deal with it. 

who would book a flight without an actual invite in hand?

Post # 9
1654 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@bone1080:  What the hell?! Leave your mom to clean up the mess she made. That uninvited lady seems kind of entitled. 

Post # 10
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@bone1080:  Yikes.  I’m sorry.  I’d definitely contact your mother and have her sort out the situation since she’s the one who started this mess in the first place.

Post # 11
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015


Tell her your mom will pay her back.  Honestly, the woman probably should have gotten in touch with you to double check before she put down money.

Post # 12
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@bone1080:  Don’t tell her your mother will pay her back. Don’t offer to pay her back. She sounds quite entitled. She booked a flight and rooms without a STD in hand, without an invitation in hand. Her own fault.

The friendship your mother will have to work out for herself, it’s her own bed and she has to lie in it.

Post # 13
5 posts

@bone1080:  I think that you did the right thing by contacting your mother’s friend yourself. I also don’t feel that you are responsibile for any cost incurred from this miscommunication. If in fact your mother did give her the impression that she and her entire family were invited, whether through directly stating that or by some vague inference, then that is a situation that they (your mom and her friend) will have to sort through themselves. Personally, I would have confirmed with you prior to making ANY arrangements. So in that regard your mom’s friend needs to bear some responsibility.


Post # 14
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@bone1080:  argh, sorry it went poorly. Honestly I’d refer her to your mother via text.

Everyone is getting on this woman but…it’s extremely unlikely someone booked their flights etc based on a whim!. I’d wager your mother invited her a while ago (ie “save the date”) and assured her you want her there and to expect an invitation. The woman probably booked everything then and finally now realized she never got the official invitation in the mail. Your mom never expected this woman to text you ahead of time and figured once she was there it was too late.

There is more to this story!  As you said, you yourself don’t believe your mother. Your mom is the one to be angry with, this woman friend is probably totally bewildered/angry and hurt and out money!

Post # 16
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@AirForceWife78:  I just laughed out loud at your post, because I can relate! I also drew the line with my FMIL when we were inviting my FI’s younger sister’s BOYFRIEND’S PARENTS and SISTER, and giving the sister a plus one! Like really????


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