Mother is bad-talking us to our infant daughter… am I crazy?

posted 5 months ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee

Passive-aggressive  much! Call her out everytime. Say “stop talking like that. I mean it”. Don’t engage, just say it loudly and firmly each time and make eye contact. No conversation about it. If she keeps flapping, repeat, and remove yourself and your daughter from her presence. 

You can teach these kinds of people better with a routine, repetitive reaction, than by fighting them with words. 

 

Post # 4
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee

ladyvk :  stop her in action everytime. If she continues, take the baby and walk away. She is acting like a bad 5 year old. Take the toy away. Show her you will not tolerate it. 

Sorry you have this to deal with, but you do not have to put up with it. You decide what behaviour you will accept. You have that power.  Hugs. 

Post # 6
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

You are having a very reasonable reaction- I’d be LIVID. Its time to start limiting or cutting off access to the baby if she can’t respect your wishes not to talk badly about y’all to the baby. Frankly, I can’t believe that you’d have to tell her more than once (or even once!) that this kind of language is not appropriate. I’m really sorry, this is really unfortunate. 

Post # 7
Member
797 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

Oy. This reminds me of my mother. No, you’re not crazy. Your mother is behaving very badly and expects to get away with it. I don’t know if you’ll have much luck changing her internal dialogue about what’s going on and you certainly can’t control what she then goes around saying about what happened, but you can certainly lay down the law however you want and just let her test it again and again and suffer whatever consequences you have decided are appropriate. I feel for you. 

Post # 9
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Listen she has been doing this to you since you were 12 and she will continue to do it unless you put a complete stop to it. I know your baby is only a month old but she is talking negative to her about you are you husband and it will not stop here. It didn’t stop with you and it won’t stop with your child. You don’t like what she does than put a stop to it NOW. If she starts talking like that again stop her in mid sentance, be firm with your words and who cares what she says ( I can’t say anything). If it continue’s cut down her visit’s and if it still continues you may have to cut off her visit’s until she understand’s that you are serious. 

Post # 11
Member
960 posts
Busy bee

ladyvk :  sorry that you’re going through this. Is your mother an undiagnosed borderline?

Post # 12
Member
4057 posts
Honey bee

You’re not crazy. That’s a pretty shitty way for your mother to be talking to your child. The fool is going to find herself banned from your house. 

I think she enjoys watching you get upset. What I suggest is turning it around on her. 

Is Daddy hurting you? No, but Daddys going to be hurting Granny pretty soon.

Does mommy need to smarten up? No, mommy smart enough to sed what Grannys doing. Or: does mommy need to smarten up? No Mommys just fine. But Granny could use a face-lift.

All said in a nice sweet voice with a smile. Dont let her get to you.

Post # 14
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

ladyvk :  Your welcome

Post # 15
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

ladyvk :  If you allow her to get away with this it’s only a matter of time before your mom starts answering back for your baby in a cringey faux-baby voice I don’t know Grandma, Mommy doesn’t seem as smart as you…. and carrying on a fake two way conversation. 

I’m not saying this to make light of your situation, I’m saying this because I unfortunately know someone just like her. She’s using your baby like a prop in her passive aggressive and vindictive mindgames. She won’t listen to reason because a reasonable person wouldn’t do this in the first place and someone even half reasonable would cut it out after you objected to it.

So this means you and your husband will have to take a very firm united front on this. She either cuts it out or you’ll be forced to go no contact until she agrees to knock it off. She’ll still feel like she’s the one being unfairly treated and you’re in the wrong, but she’ll hopefully realize she can’t get away with shit like this and be part of your lives. 

I’m sorry if this means cutting your dad off for a bit too – or offering to see him separately, though I’m sensing he’s too under her thumb to do this. But also, doesn’t your dad say anything to her? This is abnormal and extremely passive agressive what she’s doing plus surely he heard at least some of the stuff she said to you while growing up? Didn’t he intervene or call her on her behaviour? Maybe if he realizes that you will take a tough enough stand that you won’t put up with this b.s. around your daughter, it could be a wake up call for him as well. 

And I know you’re hoping your mom will come around and be an involved grandmother- and hopefully this will be possible. But I would not leave her alone with your granddaughter nor ask her to babysit etc, I would relegate her to a ‘visits with my husband &/ or myself present’ grandmother because even if she seems compliant with your boundaries I wouldn’t trust her not to say inappropriate things to your daughter if left alone with her, even once your daughter gets older. 

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