You just have to arm yourself with the correct responses to her bad behavior and stick to a plan.
Your mom: is daddy hurting you?
You: Comments like that are inappropriate and not acceptable. Do not say that ever again.
(If your mom in anyway argues with you after you say that or says she was joking? )
You: I am very serious, comments about abuse are never to be joked about. If you feel you can’t stop saying those things we are going to cut this visit short. ( Then you get your child and leave, or you tell her to leave.)
Once you tell her that her comments are inappropriate, if she continues to do them you just need to start cutting the visit short asap once she says them.
Your mom: (Makes inappropriate comment)
You: I made it clear that those comments are inappropriate and won’t be tollerated. Because you are choosing to make those comments anyways we are leaving (Or I need you to leave my home now)
If you think she will keep making rude comments it might be best to only see her outside her home and yours. Meet at a restaurant or a park so that when she makes the comments you can leave very easily.
1) First you call out the comments as they happen and tell her they can’t happen again.
2) If she keeps making those comments you again tell her you already told her to stop, then you leave wherever you are, or tell her to leave.
3) If after that she still does it the next time you see her, you immediately leave and tell her that you are taking a time out from her. When you are ready you will reach out but until then you don’t want to hear from her.
4) If after saying no, leaving, and putting her in a timeout, she still can’t stop making rude comments? Well then sadly you might have to cut her out of your life completely.
Some random phrases to shut down her comments.
She says something about your weight – You: My weight is not up for discussion or comment. You will keep your opinion to yourself or we won’t be visiting with you.
She says something mean about you or husband to your child – You: Negative comments about me or my husband to my child are not ok. They aren’t ok to say to me, much less my child. I am not interested in hearing what you think. Do not ever speak badly about me to my child again.