(Closed) Mother is out to get me. Literally

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@perrier13:  That is horrible that your mum is spreading untrue gossip about you, I would be just as upset too! Can you contact these friends who believe her to clarify things with them? Hopefully they believe you, although if they have known your mum longer they may still believe her over you, especially if they are your friends. Has your dad encouraged her to get help? That might be something to discuss as a possibility. And since she may need help, and have a serious mental illness, it is no wonder she got upset when you called her bonkers to her face, and bonkers, insane and crazy behind her back. That is not nice, having a mental illness does not mean someone is insane. I don’t mean to defend your mother, but having a mental illness myself (bipolar) I am very VERY sensitive to those types of words, especially when applied to someone with a mental illness.

ETA: I really do hope things get better for you. And you are NOT playing the victim, your mum is treating you unfairly and turning people against you, your feelings are justified! But she does need help, and hopefully she gets that help and the relationship can be repaired.

Post # 5
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Oh wow. I’m so sorry.

I would start with a call to the national alliance on mental illness (NAMI)
1-800-950-NAMI (6264) to see if they have any advice on how to talk to your family and try to get your mom help. I’m sure they can refer you to other resources as well.

Being open about this with your relatives, etc. is NOT becoming “vengeful and crazy.” Your father is miserable and your mom needs treatment. Ultimately, if they resist help there’s nothing you can do other than to cut ties, but it would be much, much better if you could reach out to a few of your mom’s parents/siblings/friends, tell them what’s been going on, and collectively pressure her to seek treatment. Otherwise I fear your dad will be increasingly cowed and isolated for the rest of his life. You might want to try reaching out to his relatives as well–see if they can get him alone for a couple of hours (“golfing”, maybe?) and really talk to him about this situation. This is no way to live, and without professional intervention it will only get worse.

Post # 6
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@perrier13:  Hmm, well tell her you are a big girl, and you are old enough to make those decisions for yourself. That it is not her life it’s yours, and that you would rather her be supportive of you, and not curse you out because you have found true love with someone she doesn’t believe is right for you. Ask her if she would rather you be with someone who you were miserable with but who had the right zodiac signs, or your fiance, who you really love and are happy with, who might have the wrong zodiac sign. Then see what she says, if she really cares about your happiness she should answer the second.

Post # 7
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

edit: double post

 

Post # 8
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It sounds like your life would be better and you would be healthier without your mother and any of her family who believe her crazy lies.  You are compassionate enough to forgive them later when they are sorry for missing your wedding because of her. 

Go ahead and try to get her help, but don’t engage her, and don’t let it stess you out even more.  As much as you love your dad, let him know that you are there for him, but he is her problem.  Nothing can change unless he is on board. 

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