(Closed) Mother Issues

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3042 posts
Sugar bee

A ring is not the only thing that declares you to be engaged. You guys are engaged already, just don’t have a ring. That said, I’d let him put down the deposit- you can’t force your mom to pay for anything she doesn’t want to.

Post # 5
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I understand your mothers concern. You guys already have your commitment, but it may seem weird to her that you’re not “officially” engaged, yet planning the wedding. I don’t 100% agree with her, but I get it.

That being said, you can’t make her pay for anything she doesn’t want to. Let your future fiance put down the deposit. Maybe later mom will fork over the rest or pay for something else, but you can’t push her to shell out cash for something she’s not comfortable with.

Post # 7
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you guys are willing to pay for the photographer out of your own pocket, and you’re afraid of losing the date before you get a ring, put down the deposit yourselves. You can always ask your mom later to reimburse the deposit, or just share the cost and pay the rest of the package, if she felt it was too costly in the first place.

If you’re not willing to commit to this expense, regardless of whether your mom will eventually contribute, wait until she’s comfortable paying the deposit or look for options more in the price range she considers reasonable for this service.

Post # 9
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

@Elvis:  +1. I agree. Put the deposit down yourself and have your mother reimburse you later.

Post # 11
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Chemist:  If you really want to use this photographer, I would talk to her about what she’s willing to spend on the photography and then you guys decide, if the photog you want is more than that, if you want it bad enough to pay for the rest on your own.

(I can’t really answer how much is too costly… it’s a personal decision. 🙂 

Post # 12
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Chemist:  It’s your wedding! But sadly, when people contribute fiancially, they often expect that they call the shots to some extent… sometimes completely! My mom gave us $5,000 and told us to do what we wanted with it. I share ideas with her and consult, but the final decisions are all mine. I just like to include her in the process. I would do that even if she didn’t give us any cash at all, though. Anyway, I think that if pictures are important to you, you should have them, and have them how you want. If your mom doesn’t come around to see your POV, I’d pay for it myself/let FI pay.

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