- 7 years ago
Although I am ready to be engaged and plan a wedding, I am dreading an engagement because I know it will add more stress to my already fractured relationship with my mother. The worry has gotten so bad that when my significant other brings up “future talk” I change the subject in hopes of postponing dealing with this issue.
To explain without going into gory details, my mother has some untreated mental health issues and was emotionally abusive towards me for my entire childhood. She is also very self-centered, and feels the need to be the center of attention (positive or negative). A few years ago at a family celebration she purposefully (she didn’t know I was watching her) broke a one of a kind object of my sisters when she felt she was not getting enough attention. Two years ago my parents split up, my mother did her best to put me in the middle which caused a fight that ended with my decision to limit contact with her. Since then I have only spoken to her at family gatherings.
At this point in my life I would not want my mother to be involved in my wedding planning or wedding at all. I know that she would try to make it about herself, and cause a scene wherever we were. But she is still my mother and I would feel like a terrible person for not inviting her. I know that me distancing myself from her has hurt her a lot and not involving her in a wedding would be an even harder blow for her.
I guess for now I can be glad that I am still waiting and hope that one of the bees out there has some advice to offer.