(Closed) Mother not very excited…

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@regelski2:

Yes, it is a grieving process.

I feel like i’ve had a lot of therapy over it, and it is still hard! How to get over it forever??

I feel guilty when I complain about the situation to my siblings, but then I feel so hurt when I see things that more well-adjusted moms do for their daughters, like: be excited for them. want to help them. tell them how beautiful they look. give them advice about being a wife. etc.

 

I try to just think about how maybe my getting married stirs up weird issues for moms (mine and my fiance’s), so that’s why they can’t be totally or sometimes even partially emotionally present. It suxs though because I feel like i need some motherly advice. my dad abandoned the family, and Stepdad is too new (and often too wasted) for me to rely on.

 

This is the hard part about being adult, missing all those things that I would imagine help make you feel whole. Kind of makes the experience a lot lonlier…

Post # 18
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

So sorry to hear about your unhappiness!!!

I think something we have to remember about moms is that they are only people, they have issues that they haven’t dealt with, and often don’t respond to things and situations the way we would like them to. They are human.

For myself, I have come to the understanding that although I have worked on MY issues after many years of hard work, she chooses not to, and I have to respect her choices in life. It would be great for her to be as excited as I am about getting married, but she just isn’t capable of that type of emotion.

I don’t take it personally anymore, and all of us need to remember that we are strong women who are adults now and can live our own happy lives, regardless of how others reacte to anything. Be happy in knowing YOU are moving forward in your life with your man whom you love, and hope that your mom can heal herself in the future.

Wishes for a very happy day!!!

Post # 19
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Hope the situation improves for u and and your family.

Post # 20
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

dont let anyone ruin events in your life that are happy and exciting. It sad its your mother but take the comments and throw them out the window, she is being a very silly person.

Post # 21
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Sometimes when moms under or over react, it’s due to insecurities with losing their baby. From what you said, I gather her main anxiety is over your proximity to her.. Could be why shes not so into your marriage, she may feel it only puts more distance between you. Sucks 🙁 I’m still trying to figure out how to move past it in a healthy way..I am having a similar problem with my mother. I was dating my fi for 8 yrs, and she was extremely unsupportive of our engagement. The moment she saw my ring she told me it wasn’t good enough, and actually got into an argument with my fiance about it. She continues to be very anxiouse about somehow “losing” me although I will be home for the next 2 years.

Post # 22
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@lisalove:  Great comment…I am experiencing something similar and I find your story very inspiring 🙂

Post # 23
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Perhaps she is not getting excited because she has no involvement in your wedding planning? 

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