- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
So, I was always under the impression that the parents of the bride and groom were supposed to “coordinate” but not necessarily match with the bridal party — complimentary colors, etc. but not necessarily in the wedding colors.
I asked the dads what they wanted to do and they both already own suits and shirts and stuff, so I got a selection of ties in decent colors/patterns at Burlington Coat Factory (i.e. cheap!) and let them pick which they liked best from the selection. They were both happy and I returned the extra ties, and that was that. Easy peasy.
The moms, on the other hand…
First off, my mom passed away when I was an infant, so my grandma will be taking the place of “mother of the bride”. She raised me like a mom, and she is my mom’s mom, so it makes sense. She still has the dress that she wore in my mom’s wedding and I’m thinking about seeing if she wants to wear that. I think it’s likely that she will, she’s told me that she wants to be buried in that dress LOL so I know she still likes it. That dress is a light pink color which coordinates but isn’t matchy-matchy.
Future Mother-In-Law is being SO WEIRD about this though. Maybe I’m way off base, but I told her about grandma’s dress and asked her if she wanted to go dress shopping with me as a fun bonding girls shopping day so that SHE could pick HER OWN dress out with vague input from me and we could spend time together. I made sure I phrased it exactly that way. She however took that to mean that I wanted to pick out her dress myself and just tell her to buy it, and she immediately got defensive and said, “I don’t see why me and your grandma have to match. I thought since you didn’t have a mom I’d just be on my own for picking a dress.”
Ouch. That really rubbed me the wrong way; way to be insensitive about my lack of mother, Future Mother-In-Law. So I said to her, “Well, my grandma is going to be taking place of ‘mother of the bride’ for all intents and purposes, so –“
She cut me off and said, “Really?” with her eyebrows raised and nose scrunched up. “What? Why would she do that?”
REALLY, FMIL?! Really? So not only is she making this really awkward, but she’s being really insensitive about my mom. Why does she have to make it difficult when everyone else just worked with me/FI to pick what they’d wear? What is so bad about a fun girly shopping day together and getting a new dress? It’s not like I’m going to fully dictate what she’d wear, I just wanted to make suggestions, and have fun shopping. And she KNOWS that. I’ve explained that and so has Fiance. She just won’t listen.
So even if I’m in the wrong about the moms/dads coordinating with the bridal party, she is being really unnecessarily awkward about this and extremely insensitive about my mom, or lack thereof.
I dunno. Advice? Commiseration? Are your parents coordinating, or is that not actually a thing? How should I handle Future Mother-In-Law getting weird about this and do you think she’s being insensitive about my mom?