(Closed) Mother of the Bride drama..needing some advice.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@MariahLynn:  Stop making her needs your priority when it’s obvious that your feelings and needs aren’t for her….you do what works for you and if she doesn’t like it, fine.

Post # 4
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MariahLynn:  It seems that she has made her priorities known so from here on out make sure you and your future Darling Husband are your priority. Make the plans that you want to make and she can decide on her own to attend or not. 

and explain to her your final decision. “Mom I am having it in Florida so you can come easily, if you decide not to come, you have made it very clear that I am not important and I am afraid that this will afffect our relationship going forward” or “Mom, since you said that you wouldnt come either way, we are having it at X on Y. We wish you can come and it would me the world to me.”

I am sorry she is not making it easy. 

Post # 5
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Tell her that the wedding is scheduled at LOCATION and will be happening on THIS day.  And that if that doesn’t work for her, then you’re very sorry that she won’t be able to make it. 

It’s your wedding, and more importantly, your life.  You do what you want, when and where.  Everyone else can schedule around that. 🙂  Make yourself happy! Don’t worry about everyone else.

 

Post # 6
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Nona99:  I agree with this entirely.

You need to do what’s best for you and you fiance, because your mother does not have your best interests at heart. I think it was an incredible gesture for you to start planning the wedding in Florida at her request in the first place, but you’ve got to find the line where enough is enough.

Post # 7
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Stop trying to please your mom, and start focusing on your wants for this wedding (your including your fiance obviously). It’s considerate to try and take a guest’s needs into consideration when planning a wedding where guests will be in attendance, but when family starts to take over and control the planning in any aspect, it leaves considerate territory and just becomes about accommodating selfish people. If you mother is not contributing to this wedding even more so she doesn’t get a say. I think you and your fiance need to do what’s best for your time frame and then let your mom know the plan. I have a feeling she’ll be able to work it out. 

 

Post # 8
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Agree with PPs – She’s telling you pretty unambiguously that you’re not her priority. So stop making her yours. Plan the wedding you want to have and if she doesn’t make it, that’s her choice. It’s hard to believe that a mom could be so indifferent and hurtful, but there it is.

Post # 9
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@MariahLynn:  I agree with the others.  You have done everything you can to accomodate your mother and she is the one making insane requests.

I do believe it’s important to make accomodations for immediate family, but you have gone above and and beyond that!

 

Post # 12
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@MariahLynn:  I know it’s hard, but you might regret allowing her passive aggresive crap to dictate your wedding planning more….follow your heart, if you matter at all, she’ll find a way to make it all work!  That’s what Mom’s do, you know?

Post # 13
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Ontario, Canada

I had similar drama where My mum kept saying she wouldn’t be able to come if we got married in Canada for lots of different reasons, none very valid in my opinion so I said “well I am sorry if you won’t be there but this is what we want”. Guess what? She is the first one to have booked her flights and they are coming. I bet your mum wouldn’t miss it for the world either when I comes down to it. Stand firm and do what is right for you guys, she will probably come round and if she doesn’t – then she is the one that is missing out, not you. 

Post # 14
Member
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

To ask the obvious question – does she approve of the wedding?  I have to assume that if her being at the wedding is that important to you, that you must be at least somewhat close.  So the only reason I can think of that she might be acting this way is if something else is going on.  I’d talk to her and at least see if there’s some other underlying issue that can be resolved.  If not, and she’s just being an inconsiderate PITA, forge ahead with the planning, and as @Nona99:  said, if she wants to be there, she’ll find a way.  Not that it’ll be hard, with the wedding practically in her backyard.

Post # 16
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It honestly sounds like she isn’t for you getting married.  She may have acted like she was earlier, but her actions obviously speak differently.  I think you need to speak to her about the real issue at hand – the marraige, not the wedding!

The topic ‘Mother of the Bride drama..needing some advice.’ is closed to new replies.

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