(Closed) Mother of the Bride drama..needing some advice.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@MariahLynn:  I’ve learned through my wedding planning process that you have to plan your wedding for you. Granted, my parents are paying for almost the entire wedding, so there are certain aspects that I need to give in to their requests (guest list!!!) but ultimately it is my wedding. I’ve been planning my wedding for 9 months now, and it has really taken me just about all of this time to learn that it is me and my FI’s wedding! So we need to plan it for US.. and nobody else. If she can’t be there (or really, chooses not to be there), than that is completely on her. 

Good luck. I tell people all the time that if it were just me and Fiance planning this wedding, there would be no drama or hardly any difficulty. Its the family that makes wedding planning difficult. Hang in there. Hopefully she’ll come around! 

Post # 18
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

so sorry you are dealing with this!

Unfortunately there is one way to deal with her–say NO. This is your wedding, not hers and you already made concessions for her.  Some people will take and take and push because no one ever tells them “no”…seems like this is the case. Think about it–what will happen when you give in here? Next she will make another demand, and another…it’s best to cut it off at the pass right now and put your foot down.  You are not being unreasonable to keep to your original date.  If she throws a fit, then have your wedding when/where/how you like and tell her she is welcome to attend but it is going to be on your terms. PERIOD.

Many times people like this are secretly happy/relieved when someone finally stops them in their tracks and says no.  She will get over it. Don’t ruin your day!  (((hugs)))

Post # 19
Member
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m so sorry your mom is being difficult!

I would plan the wedding that would make you happy. Clearly she’s unwilling to try to make you happy! So you’ll just have to do it ourself.

Post # 20
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Mother’s have this funny idea that they can powertrip in situations like this and get what they want. Your wedding is NOT about her. You’ve met her beyond the half way mark. Your mother seems like a selfish individual who seems to want everything to revolve around what is convenient for he (whether travelling to Florida so she doesn’t have to go anywhere or keeping it local so she can consolidate your wedding in with visits and other ‘big’ lifetime event).  However, when we made it clear that we were going ahead with OUR wedding WHERE and WHEN WE wanted it you take that power away from them. 

Yes, you run the chance of having her pick Disney World over you. However this is slim, because a woman that self involved is still quite conscience of what other people think of her. You can guarantee that no one will agree with her missing her daughter’s wedding to get a picture with Goofy. 

Hold your ground, girl and make YOUR day what you dream it to be

Post # 21
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

She said she wouldn’t come to your wedding if she had to travel? She sounds like a jerk. Don’t let her push you around – call her bluff. She’ll come.

Post # 22
Member
9948 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think you stick with the plan of having the Wedding sooner rather than later… and in Florida… so at least you’ve shown to be taking some of her concerns into consideration (whether she comes is up to her… but you’ve tried to be accommodating)

I’m guessing that in the end she will come… I can’t believe she’d rather be at an Amusement Park on the big day (she’s just blowing smoke at you… because she can… sounds like a bit of a drama queen to me)

And ya, I wouldn’t hesitate to tell her, you DON’T WANT TO GET MARRIED IN 2014… it is too far off… you don’t want to put your LIFE ON HOLD you want your life to be with your Hubby and get that underway in a far more reasonable amount of time.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 23
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@MariahLynn:

She is saying “me me me” when she should be saying “you you you”.  Stop working on her time line and do what you want.  If she really loves you she’ll make an effort to be there no matter what.

Post # 24
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee

The solution is easy- you send her a save the date as soon as you make a deposit, and you send her an invitation after that.  If she is someone whose presence is worth having, she will show up.  No good woman would miss her daughter’s wedding to go to Busch Gardens.  You said that you are worried that you will regret it in 10 years if she doesn’t come- to this I say not nearly as much as SHE would regret it!  She already knows that too, and she won’t risk that regret for herself.  Your wedding is YOUR WEDDING- NOT a family reunion, home-visit, vacation, graduation party,blah-blah-blah for her.  Don’t let her threaten,frighten, and control you.  She will show up.

Post # 25
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Parents make all kinds of threats to get their own way.Why? Because it worked so well when you were a child, and they expect it to continue working.

The thing with these threats is that they are for the most part empty. Do you really think your mother would boycott your wedding? She will probably bitch and complain, but by the sounds of it she is going to do that no matter what.

Plan the day for WHERE you want it, WHEN you want it. If she doesn’t show up, sure you will be hurt, but it says more about her than it does about you.

And on a side note – who the hell moves and says that they will only come if you have it where they moved to? Doesn’t she realise you have a whole guest list in your home town?

Post # 26
Member
9948 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@FLBlonde93:  —> THIS

My own mother pulled this stunt on me the first time round for a myriad of reasons…

1- She was a drama queen

2- She didn’t like that I lived with my man before being married (we were engaged at the time… and it was because we were both working in the same city… and saving up for the Wedding / Life together… there were no jobs in my small hometown)

3- She would have preferred I marry the “son” of someone at her social club vs the guy I met at college (Doctor – Lawyer – Indian Chief… anyone would have fit the bill… in that they had “titled” parents)

4- She was in the midst of another family feud with her sisters (going to the Wedding meant she had to see / socialize with them)

5- She criticized my not mourning long enough following a death in the family (her mother)… despite the fact that it was over 1 year.

6- She was PMSing

7- See # 1… she was a Drama Queen

I honestly didn’t know if she’d attend or not pretty much right up to 2 weeks before my Wedding, because other than MAKE DEMANDS she hadn’t spoken to me a great deal in the months leading up to my Wedding.

Somewheres around two weeks out, my Father told her to stop being a B!tch… clearly she wasn’t going to miss this event.  Because as much as she was being whiney about it… she didn’t want to truly miss out.

In the end, she must have put on her big girl panties because she was there… and from what I saw… had a good time.

Not that changed much in life…

After the Wedding she found something else to rail on about (did I mention she was a Drama Queen ?)

Hang in there… chances are strong she’ll be at your Wedding no matter when & where you hold it.

(( HUGS ))

 

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