(Closed) Mother of the Bride sets the tone

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Little_Nut88:  I’ve never heard of that rule, but I have to say… Typically stuff between bio parents and step parents can be extremely heated, so my guess is that your step mom is very clearly trying to make sure that she is not stepping on your mom’s toes during the wedding stuff.

Post # 4
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My Future Mother-In-Law told me that my mom got to pick out the colour of the dress she wanted to wear first. In the end they are both going to be wearing different shades of blue and neither of them seem to mind.

Post # 5
4438 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@Little_Nut88:  In our situation MOG waited for MOB to buy her dress, asked what it looked like and then bought something in a complimentary color and the same length to the MOB dress and our wedding colors.


I consider it kind of like calling your BFF before going to a party and asking what the other is wearing.

Post # 6
47384 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Traditionally the MOB did get first dibs on choosing her dress. She would then communicate her choice to the MOG, who would then choose her dress.

From Emily Post:

  • Traditionally, the bride’s mother has the honor of selecting her outfit first.

  • The mother of the groom, in picking her outfit second, should ideally wear a different color from the bride’s mother. When in doubt, she should go with a soft or neutral color, rather than an excessively bold color.

  • The mothers do not have to wear dresses of equal length, although many choose to do so in order to create a more harmonious look—especially in wedding photos.

Post # 7
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Never heard of this before. Sounds silly, to me. You know people and weddings, though. They have to feel important and do it the ‘right’ way!

Post # 10
11736 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

my Mother-In-Law definitely waited until my mom had her dress and the color picked out. She could have easily bought her dress beforehand, but it’s just the nice thing to do I think. At the end of the day, there dresses didn’t complement each other at all, but I thnk my Mother-In-Law was just trying to be respectful of my mom.  There’s nothing wrong with your Future Mother-In-Law looking before your mom purchases, but maybe she might wait to make her final purchase? I don’t think it’s a big deal, but some MOBs might.

Post # 11
3460 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yes, I heard of it beforehand – and more importantly, so had my mom.  Groom’s side wanted to abide by it (in that they wanted to pick colors different than my mom – they were less worried about length), but my mom took a bit of time to pick out her dress.  So it went MOB, MOG, SMOG. 

Post # 13
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yes, this is a common rule.  The MOB picks her dress first.  Then the other moms get to choose something that is not the same color as the MOB.  I think your mom should hop to it, so the other ladies don’t feel rushed.


Post # 14
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Have heard of this. I think it is silly. But some people really like to keep to tradition. And I agree that your step-mom is making an extra effort to keep the peace, which is really sweet.

Post # 15
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I took my Future Mother-In-Law and Mom shopping the same day…my mom decided she wanted to hold off to lose some weight, but picked the color she wanted so my Future Mother-In-Law could order hers.


Post # 16
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I kind of get it. I don’t like when brides dictate what each parent will wear but I understand why your step mum might want to wait and see what your Mum is wearing. Sounds like she doesn’t want to upstage, dress too similarly or clash with your Mum. That is quite sweet that she cares. 


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