Post # 1
Last week my bridesmaids found a dress, so of course now that that’s settled, the discussions of the MOB/MOG dresses has started. I saw my step-mom this weekend and she asked if my mom had found a dress yet, which I told her she hadn’t, and that we had actually been shopping the previous day but didn’t find anything. Then my stepmom said that she has been told by people that she needs to wait for my mom to buy something because “the mother of the bride sets the tone”. I’m pretty sure I nearly spit out the Caesar I was drinking at the serious and worried look she had on her face!
Personally, I find it so frustrating that when it comes to weddings, rules like this get thrown at you from all sides. I told my stepmom not to worry about it, and that I would likely go shopping with both of them and my Future Mother-In-Law anyways, so it isn’t like they would end up buying the same dress (although the three of them couldn’t be more different, so that would never happen). Personally I wouldn’t care if they all showed up in matching pyjamas, as long as they are there and all feel comfortable!
I still don’t think I convinced her that she doesn’t have to wait for my mom to buy her dress before she can go shopping herself. Has anyone else heard this ‘rule’, and did your moms abide by it, or throw it out the window?
Post # 3
@Little_Nut88: I’ve never heard of that rule, but I have to say… Typically stuff between bio parents and step parents can be extremely heated, so my guess is that your step mom is very clearly trying to make sure that she is not stepping on your mom’s toes during the wedding stuff.
Post # 4
My Future Mother-In-Law told me that my mom got to pick out the colour of the dress she wanted to wear first. In the end they are both going to be wearing different shades of blue and neither of them seem to mind.
Post # 5
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@Little_Nut88: In our situation MOG waited for MOB to buy her dress, asked what it looked like and then bought something in a complimentary color and the same length to the MOB dress and our wedding colors.
I consider it kind of like calling your BFF before going to a party and asking what the other is wearing.
Post # 6
Traditionally the MOB did get first dibs on choosing her dress. She would then communicate her choice to the MOG, who would then choose her dress.
From Emily Post:
- Traditionally, the bride’s mother has the honor of selecting her outfit first.
- The mother of the groom, in picking her outfit second, should ideally wear a different color from the bride’s mother. When in doubt, she should go with a soft or neutral color, rather than an excessively bold color.
- The mothers do not have to wear dresses of equal length, although many choose to do so in order to create a more harmonious look—especially in wedding photos.
Post # 7
Never heard of this before. Sounds silly, to me. You know people and weddings, though. They have to feel important and do it the ‘right’ way!
Post # 8
Thanks for your comments.
@CiaArielleNeugebauer: My stepmom has been part of my life since I was 6, and is in many ways like another mom. She and my mom get along really well, so I think it is more that she is worried about conforming to wedding rules than not stepping on my moms toes, but that could be part of it.
It personally doesn’t matter to me if they wear complimentary dresses or not… I could see my Future Mother-In-Law in a more “traditional” MOB/MOG dress, while my mom would want something modern, and my stepmom doesn’t even like dresses. They are all so different in personality and style.
Post # 9
@StephieBee: Haha my thoughts exactly. After 6 months of planning I can let these rules bounce off my a bit easier than my stepmom I guess.
Post # 10
my Mother-In-Law definitely waited until my mom had her dress and the color picked out. She could have easily bought her dress beforehand, but it’s just the nice thing to do I think. At the end of the day, there dresses didn’t complement each other at all, but I thnk my Mother-In-Law was just trying to be respectful of my mom. There’s nothing wrong with your Future Mother-In-Law looking before your mom purchases, but maybe she might wait to make her final purchase? I don’t think it’s a big deal, but some MOBs might.
Post # 11
Yes, I heard of it beforehand – and more importantly, so had my mom. Groom’s side wanted to abide by it (in that they wanted to pick colors different than my mom – they were less worried about length), but my mom took a bit of time to pick out her dress. So it went MOB, MOG, SMOG.
Post # 12
@MrsWBS: I get the trying to be respectful thing. I will mention it to my mom and see what she thinks, but she’s pretty laid back so I doubt she’ll care either way.
My mom also wants to wait a while to buy a dress because she wants to lose some weight first, so I don’t think she’d want the others to be waiting on her.
Post # 13
Yes, this is a common rule. The MOB picks her dress first. Then the other moms get to choose something that is not the same color as the MOB. I think your mom should hop to it, so the other ladies don’t feel rushed.
Post # 14
Have heard of this. I think it is silly. But some people really like to keep to tradition. And I agree that your step-mom is making an extra effort to keep the peace, which is really sweet.
Post # 15
I took my Future Mother-In-Law and Mom shopping the same day…my mom decided she wanted to hold off to lose some weight, but picked the color she wanted so my Future Mother-In-Law could order hers.
Post # 16
I kind of get it. I don’t like when brides dictate what each parent will wear but I understand why your step mum might want to wait and see what your Mum is wearing. Sounds like she doesn’t want to upstage, dress too similarly or clash with your Mum. That is quite sweet that she cares.