(Closed) Mother of the Bride sets the tone

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 17
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette snob here…

View original reply
julies1949:  (Reply # 5) is correct.

The thinking is this…

The Bride & Groom are the main event… but the Mother of the Bride, is the most honoured Guest at the Wedding (which is also WHY she is the last seated at the Wedding Ceremony)

In traditional Etiquette, where the MOB & FOB paid for the Wedding, she’d be the Hostess.

So as such, she sets the tone for the whole event…

That is where it comes from.

The idea being that:

No one is supposed to out-shine the Bride


No one is to upstage the Mother of the Bride

So if MOB wants to go all Hollywood, that is fine… if she wants to go low-key then the rest of the Guests should follow suit.

Hope this helps,

EDIT TO ADD – It also has a bit of its roots in regards to Photography as well.  (Same reason WHY no one at a Wedding should wear WHITE or LIGHT… as it creates conflict in photography for the eye).  When MOB chooses her dress colour, it gives all the other honoured guests (MOG, StepMoms, even GrandMoms in some cases) a heads-up to not match or clash.  The idea being that family photos look best when each woman can look like an individual in them… and not like they are all matchy-matchy (like the Bridesmaids, or a bunch of teenagers who all chose to call one another and wear the same thing).


Post # 19
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012


View original reply
@Little_Nut88:  glad to help.

Lol, now for the protocol… the order should be MOB, MOG and then any one else who you consider to be an “honoured guest” that needs to know

So Your Future Mother-In-Law should choose her dress prior to your Step Mom.

You wouldn’t want to accidently “snub” the relationship with the Inlaws you should be trying to build.

If it helps any… this is how it all turned out at my first Wedding (circa 1980) when such Etiquette was much better known / adhered to.

My Bridesmaids were in Light Pink & Maroon (yes very 1980s).  My Mom wore a deep Purple / Grape Long Gown and the MOG wore  a lighter purple one /  lilac.  The two Mom’s didn’t look like twins,  but they coordinated well for photos… both dresses were long but the styling was quite different.  (Both Dads were in Tuxedos, same styling as  the Bridal Party… Morning Dress).  There was a cohesive balance in all  the colours… so that family looked good when photographed with the Bridal Party as well (there were siblings in the Bridal Party as well).


Post # 20
9773 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’ve heard the “rule” before. My Mother-In-Law did wait to choose her dress until after my mom had bought hers, but I don’t really think it’s a huge deal.

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