(Closed) mother of the bride won’t attend the shower

posted 9 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would have a long talk to her about the situation. Maybe she doesn’t realize how hurt you are about this. I am sure her friends will understand if she didn’t go, or like you said she can cut her trip short. If she decides to not to come it will be on her. You can only ask so many times. She is the one missing out on these once in a lifetime events that will effect your relationship with her down the road. You have evey right to be upset. I hope it works out.

Post # 4
898 posts
Busy bee

You’re definately right to be upset about this. For sure you should have a talk with her. Let her know that while you understand her need to attend an event with old friends, she isn’t being very considerate of your feelings during a time that should be so joyous for you.

Good luck, I hope she realizes how upset you are.

Post # 5
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Wow.  I’m sorry.  Has she been like this all your life?  I would be upset too.  If you can’t get through to her, maybe you need to lower the bar (to the ground?).  And don’t put your trust in her where you’re depending on her to follow through.  She might leave you stranded again.

Post # 6
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

AW, geeez, I’m sorry about this! I’m surprised your mom doesn’t realize how important a shower is, of course you want her there!! I’ll suggest to you to talk to her about how much her presence means to you but honestly, it sounds like she doesn’t care that much…which sucks…I would tell her you want her there and try to convince her to get on a standby flight but that is still hurtful of her not to tell you earlier she had something planned for that day!

Post # 7
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I can kind of relate. My mom is similar in a lot of ways and it definitely makes me feel like I’m not a priority. It’s not only embarrassing but it’s also super disappointing. After years of getting  treatment like that I’ve kind of had to build a bit of a shell around me and make it so that I don’t hold my mom to high standards. She’s a fantastic person but not reliable. Having talks with her only made it worse (sorry for the crappy advice) but your situation might be different. I was always made out to be overly dramatic and too needy.
Don’t put too much stock in your mom if she hasn’t given any indication that she’s going to be there. Don’t build yourself up for disappointment or expect more out of her than she might be capable or willing to give. You have a wonderful fiance and the two of you are building a wonderful family together. I take solace in that fact and knowing that no matter what, that person will be there for me.

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