Post # 1
I just found out that my mom will not attend my bridal shower! When I mentioned the date to her before she said she would be there (we live about 7 miles apart), now she says she’ll be out of the country. Apparently she’s been planning for 6 months to have a mini reunion with her classmates from the philippines and the event will be in canada. I had no idea! She didn’t mention it when I told her the date and time for the bridal shower in case we had to adjust it.
The last episode with my mother was her inviting me and my fiance to Sanfrancisco to a family reunion a few months back. When we got there, she didn’t call us to tell us that the car she was planning to pick us up in (she arrived before us and was with my aunt) broke down and nobody would be coming to get us from the airport. We had to call and only got a response 4 hours later. By the time we got through to them (turned the one cell phone off sice they were at the pool) it was too late for us to get a rental car or anything since it was only a day trip and we would have had to travel another 2-4 hours both ways. She didn’t even explore other options. Or bother to tell us before we got off the plane (she knew the night before). So my fiance didn’t meet the relatives and I cried all night when I got home.
The point is that this isn’t the first time something like this has happened! How should I react?
Should I be understanding that she’s planned this trip 6 months even though she didn’t mention it when i told her about the shower? She’s capable of at least attempting to come back 2 days early, but it would be unlikely to happen anyway (standby is like that. My dad works for an airline, so flying is free. she didn’t buy a ticket).
I guess I have no choice but to accept a yucky situtation with her again since she’s not about to alter her plans and other people are expecting to see her. Still, I feel like crying again.
Post # 3
I would have a long talk to her about the situation. Maybe she doesn’t realize how hurt you are about this. I am sure her friends will understand if she didn’t go, or like you said she can cut her trip short. If she decides to not to come it will be on her. You can only ask so many times. She is the one missing out on these once in a lifetime events that will effect your relationship with her down the road. You have evey right to be upset. I hope it works out.
Post # 4
You’re definately right to be upset about this. For sure you should have a talk with her. Let her know that while you understand her need to attend an event with old friends, she isn’t being very considerate of your feelings during a time that should be so joyous for you.
Good luck, I hope she realizes how upset you are.
Post # 5
Wow. I’m sorry. Has she been like this all your life? I would be upset too. If you can’t get through to her, maybe you need to lower the bar (to the ground?). And don’t put your trust in her where you’re depending on her to follow through. She might leave you stranded again.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
AW, geeez, I’m sorry about this! I’m surprised your mom doesn’t realize how important a shower is, of course you want her there!! I’ll suggest to you to talk to her about how much her presence means to you but honestly, it sounds like she doesn’t care that much…which sucks…I would tell her you want her there and try to convince her to get on a standby flight but that is still hurtful of her not to tell you earlier she had something planned for that day!
Post # 7
I can kind of relate. My mom is similar in a lot of ways and it definitely makes me feel like I’m not a priority. It’s not only embarrassing but it’s also super disappointing. After years of getting treatment like that I’ve kind of had to build a bit of a shell around me and make it so that I don’t hold my mom to high standards. She’s a fantastic person but not reliable. Having talks with her only made it worse (sorry for the crappy advice) but your situation might be different. I was always made out to be overly dramatic and too needy.
Don’t put too much stock in your mom if she hasn’t given any indication that she’s going to be there. Don’t build yourself up for disappointment or expect more out of her than she might be capable or willing to give. You have a wonderful fiance and the two of you are building a wonderful family together. I take solace in that fact and knowing that no matter what, that person will be there for me.