- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
Ok, so I pretty much have never posted on a board before, but here goes. This will probably be long. So much drama/trauma!!
So, my fiance and I are getting married September 1 and I had no idea how ridiculous the family stuff was going to be. My mother I’m quite certain is out of her mind. In the past week we have had basically the same discussion/fight twice. First, I was coming to do a hair pre style and then try on my dress. It was kind of something I was wanting to do on my own, the girl who does my hair is my cousin and we always have a nice chat. and I’m talking to my mother about this and she says “well I’m going to be coming with you for that” I say “nope, vetoed, going alone” THE WOMAN BURSTS INTO TEARS. Mind you I’m at work with an appointment waiting for me. Lovely. To give you a bit of background on the dress – I bought a dress on sale that was too small but beautiful MY DRESS ya know? Anyway, so we weren’t initially sure if it was going to work and so after one of the meetings with the seamstress my mom says to me “why would we ever buy you that size”. I felt very hurt and disrespected. This was never really resolved, and so I felt like I wanted to do the trying on on my own. I feel that comment forfeits your right to go with me to further fittings. Maybe I’m being dramatic. IDK.
Ok, so we quasi resolved the busting into tears about the fitting thing by talking about how I’m an adult and I need space. Basically my mom has been so far into my business I just can’t stand it. I don’t know how to explain it to someone else, but it just makes me cringe the degree of which she puts on a show to make it appear that we are so bonded and tight. Really bothers me. Please know that I love my mother dearly, and we are close…but it’s the image stuff that bothers me.
So fast forward to today. There are fifteen people that are to stay the night before my wedding between my parent’s four bedroom ranch house, and my grandmother’s two bedroom house. The plan has always been that I would stay the night before (I guess we never talked about it, just assumed) I suggested that me and my bridesmaids get a hotel so I have some time and can relax the night before the wedding. Predictably SHE LOST IT! I don’t understand family and she needs her children there the night before I get married.
I know she’s going through a lot. I’m trying to be understanding but I am getting lost in this process. Every time I turn around I have hurt her feelings and it is totally unexpected. I guess I’m just needing advice about mothers hijacking the wedding day and how to end up sane at the end of it all. I hope I haven’t villainized her as that is not my intention. I just need to know how to set boundaries when it is clear there are so many more dramatic moments to come.
Thanks in advance – so glad I found this site!