(Closed) Mother offended by invitations… Need advice please! Long story…

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 32
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Wow, sounds ridiculous. She is being dramatic to say the least. I would just explain that you have never seen her boyfriend as a fatherly figure, and that you didn’t realize she would be so upset. Just tell her that you’re sorry she feels like you insulted her/him and that you will miss her at your wedding. Don’t get into it with her, because I think thats what she wants. It sounds like she is really immature. Recently my father yelled at me and told me I didn’t care about anyone but myself because I am having my stepdad who has been a part of my life since I was two walk me down the aisle. I hardly have seen my dad at all in my life. In fact, I call him by his first name. I decided to ignore his angry text messages until he wanted to aplogize. It took five months, but he called and apologized. Bottom line, when adults act like children, treat them like children. Let them cry it out. 

Post # 34
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@PinkMapleTree:  You do not need to apologize for sending out perfectly acceptable and well-written invitations. They were well within the ‘etiquette guidelines’ and were not intended to slight anyone or anything. You were even gracious enough to include her name on it, despite no financial contribution to the wedding or reception costs.

Your mother can, and I quote, “Put on her big-girl panties and deal with it.” If she continues to act petty and passive-aggressive, childish, and ridiculous, let it be her problem. You don’t have to take that kind of behavior.

While showing her this thread would probably be immensely satisfying, all it would do is get her started on yet another rant and more hurt feelings. I highly doubt that seeing a bunch of strangers point out exactly how immature your mother is being would be conducive to keeping what peace you can.

Good luck and hugs!

Post # 35
4913 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It sounds like your mom was just looking for an excuse to miss your wedding and bitch at you.  I would find the rule that says that only those people who are actually hosting the wedding are supposed to be on the invite and send it to her saying, “I’m only supposed to put the people who are paying, but I put you even though you’re not paying for the wedding because I love you and wanted to honor you.  I’m sorry about the oversight of Boyfriend, but since you two aren’t married and haven’t financially contributed, I thought I was doing the right thing etiquette-wise.  I understand you’re hurt; it’s too late for me to do anything as the invitations have already gone out.  If you choose to miss the wedding, I’m sorry you feel it should come to that and you will be missed.  Please let me know if you adn Boyfriend change your mind about coming.”  And end the conversation about it there. 

Sorry she’s being this way *hug*

Post # 36
1797 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My mother gets offended all the time.  We live far apart so email is our main way of communicating.

If she starts off on some rant about whatnot…I ignore it completely and respond very briefly.

If this were my mom I’d respond, “We love you very much mom.  Hope you change your mind and come.  Love yah!”

Post # 38
1465 posts
Bumble bee

You ARE very lucky!

Post # 39
1943 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Whaaat? Technically her name shouldn’t even be on there if she isn’t paying, so I think it was generous of you to put her on there for her feelings sake.  It’s ridiculous that she’s refusing to go to your wedding because you didn’t put her new husband on your invite.  Ugh.  *hugs* I’m sorry for the drama.

Post # 41
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You poor thing. This is a terrible blight to have hanging over you at this time, but truly if your mother cared for your feelings she would have taken the time to explain to you either in person our over the phone, calmly and rationally that she was a touch upset. That she did it over email indicates that she has a lack of conviction in her anger and could not sustain it in real life, as truly there is no credence to her argument. I hope you try to resolve this with her for your sake, as she should not be allowed to pin this own you when it is obviously convenient for her as she didn’t ever plan to attend. Try to clear the air, but rest a easy knowing you did nothing wrong.

Post # 42
1675 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

What a mess. Well, you already sent out the invites so you can’t change anything, but even if you didn’t I don’t think you should have added his name. Jeez, it’s very generous of you to add her name since she’s not contributing in any way!

Post # 43
23 posts
  • Wedding: September 2014

@PinkMapleTree:  If she’s upset and won’t come just because you left out her boyfriend (keyword being, not your dad or stepdad) then it’s her loss. No

Post # 44
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Your Mom sounds like a real piece of work!  She’s lucky she was included on the invitation at all.  Thank Goodness you have an awesome Dad & Stepmother to support you through this time 🙂

Post # 45
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@MittenZ:  hi there! I see you’re relatively new to the boards and this is a common mistake… This thread is 8 months old. You can se that at the top below the title or also at the bottom of each comment. So the OP has probably dealt with this already 🙂 

Post # 46
23 posts
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MexiPino:  Well oops. I didn’t even read the date. I just saw it on the board haha! Will check in the future. 😉

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