Post # 1
So I have the best mom. Very into her children. Not a helicoptor but just very selfless when it comes to me (not an only child but the only living child).
So! As soon as my SO told her he planned to marry me, she began looking at rings. I thought she was doing it for him but he said no. He could also be lying to throw me off.
Then, a few weeks later she says I should have a Destination Wedding and look into locations. I do not want a wedding. SO wants a wedding. None of our friends have money to go to a Destination Wedding. So I doubt my mother or I will get our preferences on this one.
When I explained this she said she’d pay for the wedding or a honeymoon. I chose honeymoon. Now I know I haven’t been proposed to yet but since she’s certain it’ll hapen soon I am too.
I know I should have also run it by my SO before I chose honeymoon since he does want a wedding but it would be a strange per-proposal discussion to have.
I figure he wants a wedding, his parents can handle that. I want a honeymoon, mine can do that. Total role reversal on what families usually do genderwise but I am not your average!
Also, this will be a super expensive honeymoon. I’m talking European cruise plus land vacatation glam style. Sooo both families will probably pay the same amount.
Has anyone elses mother taken the reins possibly a bit prematurely? Or does she just know someting I don’t?
Post # 3
I’ve told my mom in the past that SO is the one, and we plan on marrying in the next couple years. But no proposal yet. She is good about it, but apparently my aunt/godmother is already planning a bridal shower (like in her head, not real planning).
I think it’s cute, since they’re just exicted and thinking of ideas which is the same thing I do.
Post # 4
I can’t imagine what the rest of family would do! I am southern and at 27 considered a spinster already =0p I just worry that if he changes his mind she’ll be more dissappointed than I will be!
Post # 5
I think it’s sweet she’s so excited but I would make sure she doesn’t get too into this before an actual proposal. Thinking about things is okay. Buy or reserving things is not. But it sounds like you’ll have an awesome honeymoon!
Post # 6
lol I hope she doesnt! I refuse to plan/look at stuff til he proposes so who knows when well actually be married and ready for a honeymoon! AH!
Post # 7
My mom is just like this. SO had “the” talk with my dad at the weekend. Ever since my mom has worried about the guest list, bridesmaids, venues, dates everything and like OP I’m still waiting on a proposal
Post # 8
My mom is on the verge of swinging into planning land. We are getting formally engaged this coming Christmas but will be booking the venue/church etc in March or April. Maybe photographer as well. SO and I are ready to start planning.
I’ve asked her to hold off until we tell my family on Valentines day. She’s like a horse at the start of a race right now, it’s hysterical.
This doesn’t bother me, she’ll be doing most of the legwork as I’m getting married in my hometown and I don’t live there. But it is SO FUNNY watching her restrain herself. She’s calling going “I ALMOST BOUGHT A MAGAZINE BUT I DIDN’T WANT ANYONE TO FIND OUT”.
Post # 9
Ugh! I’m 43 and my mother tried this one. FH talked to my dad to ask his blessing and told them to tell no one…she calls me up 2 days later asking when the date was! He didn’t propose for months after because he had to sell his house first and then we had a ring made but every time I talked to her, she would ask when and then start telling me ‘We can just do it in your backyard’ and ‘Your family will help out’…ummm…that would be a NO. The only WE doing anything is my FH and I and he has a family too!
Post # 10
I think my mom is ready for SO and I to hurry up and get engaged. I’m trying to downplay how serious our relationship is because I want to postpone the inevitable butting in with wedding plans for as long as I possibly can, for several reasons, the main one being that she wants me to throw a huge party for all of her friends and family to get high and drunk at which is not at all what I want (and she has outright said that this is what she wants). I’m trying to hold off that battle of wills for as long as I can.
Post # 11
Okay first off you need to tell your mom to slam on the breaks until you actually have a ring on your finger. Otherwise it puts way too much pressure on your boyfriend and is completely inappropriate.
2) Your mom doesn’t get to pick your ring out, your boyfriend does
3)Your fiance really ought to get a say in where the teo of you go for your honeymoon.
4) Don’t just assume that your boyfriends parents will pay for your wedding. They may contribute nothing and that is their right. If having a wedding is important to your boyfriend you need to be prepared for the likelihood that the 2 of you will have to pay for that on your own.
Post # 12
For me, my Future Mother-In-Law is the one going crazy planning! I totally feel for you!
Post # 13
@arendiva: lol, I have told her not to put the wagon before the horse. She sees the proposal as a forgone conclusion though; I clearly do not!
To your second point, I think she just wants to make sure I like it. She says she’s only going to give advice if he ask though.
He has a say with regards to exact locations but I know he wants to go to greece and stuff too. Plus he knows the only part of the whole shabang I care about is the honeymoon so he’ll probably do whatever I like.
His parents set aside money for each of their kids weddings. About 15 for the boys and 30 for the girl. I think thats plenty for a wedding personally. If we need to supplement that we can (though we’re both frugal so I doubt it)
In general I think she is just excited that I won’t be alone forever like she used to posit when I was a child.
Mine might be! luckily they live nowhere near me so I get to have the illusion of total calm. I am sure once he pulls the trigger shell be itching to help. I’m actually ok with her and my mom doing it together. then I can focus on work!
doesn’t it make the waiting even more frustrating? like you have to behave but she doesnt!
Post # 14
@subtlebee: Absolutely! Today when I got in from work she started on about what church the wedding would be in and what month! So I asked her what wedding was she talking about? Its like I totally want her to be involved in this process I love her and appreciate her…but calm down, relax at least wait until I’ve got a ring! I guess she’s compensating for missing out on planning her wedding with her mom as she had passed away long beforehand. Oh I feel guilty for being so hard on her now. But it worries me that it will only get worse!!!
Post # 15
@foreverstar: well tell her to start exercising so shell def. be around when he finally pops the question! Then yall can start planning =0p