(Closed) mother problem :/

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@cassandra102012:  I’m sure other Bees will pop in and give great advice.

The only advice I can offer is to distance yourself from your mother for a while. She is being manipulative. No one is asking her or tellng her to do stuff. Let her continue to do it and if she keeps bringing it up remind her she is doing things on her own.

Post # 5
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

BREATHE .EXHALE . BREATHE again.

Relax. Don’t make a big deal out of everything.  Your mother wants to buy blue streamers, let her, thank her, and just don’t use them!

 

Post # 6
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry – Mom’s can be stressful sometimes…and weddings seem to bring out either the best or worst of people.

Have you sat down with your Mom and showed her pictures so she understands what you are looking to create for your wedding? If she doesn’t know what you are looking for and she keeps buying stuff to try and win your approval, I’m sure at this point she is feeling under-appreciated. Perhaps you can suggest to your Mom that you two go shopping together…and make sure that you tell her that her input is special and you want to get her opinions on some things that you were eyeing for the wedding.

It sounds like you and your Mom just need to open the lines of communication. It sounds like she really wants to be involved and wants to help, but she doesn’t know how…

As for your Fiance – I think his reaction was ridiculous. He should be supportive and understanding…and instead he’s making you feel bad for a completely normal reaction to having a stressful argument with your Mom. That’s not fair and completely unacceptable!

Post # 8
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I have an Idea how about you go shopping for decorations with you mom? Then she will feel better because you can spend time together and you can steer her to what you want for the wedding and away from streamers 🙂

Post # 10
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

my mom started doing the same thing LONG BEFORE I was even engaged…yeah, weird….

Now she is understanding how I want the wedding to look, and actually seems to like my ideas (it’s a golf club so no tacky streamers allowed…lol)….

We’re going to start picking up stuff for centerpieces soon….dollarstore stuff, and I found a wholesaler I can get the orchids from! 

Try telling what you want, that’s what I did….and I think my dad had a talk with her to tell her to back off….

Post # 11
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’ll add her crazy thing today:

I recently asked my dad to walk me down the aisle…she wanted my dad to get to the end with me and hand my Fiance an Ottawa Senators hankerchief….(it’s a toronto maple leafs wedding)….

I just said (and my dad was there, thank god), “It’s still a wedding CEREMONY, the fun part is the reception”….and she backed off….

Post # 12
Member
7693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@smcs28:  I think you need to show her pictures (inspiration board or pin interest) of what you want.  I think that will help her a lot. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
3174 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Take a deep breath and count to ten slowly. Maybe a girls night will help?

Post # 14
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I’m sorry you’re going through this.  I just got off the phone with my mom, who was calling to see what I thought of a venue she emailed to me, which I’m not interested in at all.  We’ve had completely different taste in things my entire life.  It’s a very hard line to walk – you want her to know that you appreciate her for thinking of you and trying to help, but you don’t want the help she is offering.  I’m not even starting to plan my wedding yet, and I have no idea what my fiance and I even want, and when I told her that, I think she realized she’s jumping the gun.

I am not looking forward to having these conversations with my mom, either.  Usually when I tell her I don’t like something, I try to tell her what I was thinking of instead.  That way, maybe she can see why her idea isn’t the best fit.  I’ve found that if I just shoot down her idea and I don’t have something in particular in mind, it makes it seem like I’m just saying no because it’s her idea, and you and I both know that is not the case.  If I don’t have another idea, I tell her thank you, and that my fiance and I will consider it.

An inspiration board or pinterest board might help if you don’t have concrete ideas to share with her.

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