- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
This is my first post, so I hope I am doing things the right way!
I got engaged to my wonderful fiance about 2.5 months ago. Prior to getting engaged, we had been dating for almost 6 years. We met in college and started dating right away. After graduation, we moved into together and got a dog. My parents have always loved my fiance and his parents have always loved me. I didn’t anticipate any real issues upon getting engaged. BUT…
Since getting engaged, my mother has been so..ambivalent about the whole thing. Anytime I bring up the wedding (like a possible date or a color) she just rolls her eyes and makes some comment like “whatever you want,” or something like that.
During one conversation, she told me I shouldn’t be getting married. Again, not because she doesn’t like my fiance, but because I’m “too young.” I am 25, so is my fiance – I know that a lot of people don’t get married until 30+ and that’s totally fine, but we are ready now and so we got engaged. I told my mom that saying stuff like that isn’t helpful (HELLO LADY, WE’RE ALREADY ENGAGED!) but she still says it every so often.
She doesn’t seem at all interested in helping me with anything and I just don’t know what to do. In part, we are having a long engagement because of this – I just don’t feel like getting all into planning without my mother there to support me.
For some background, my mom and I are incredibly close, so this really hurts me and isn’t indicative of our relationship overall. I know that she has some issues with letting go (she likes to have my sisters and me around as much as possible), so I think it probably stems from that, but I just don’t know.
At this point I’m hurt and I don’t know what to do or say to make it better. I feel like she just wants me to either wait 5+ years (which isn’t going to happen) or rush off to the courthouse and “get it over with.”
Oh, and my parents got married at my age! And they’re still together 30+ years later.
And lastly, this isn’t a financial concern. My fiance and I are paying for a lot of the wedding and the rest of the money is coming from a trust my grandmother left me for this specific purpose.
I am sorry to make my introductory post so long! I would really appreciate any advice