Post # 1
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
I dont know what to do….my mom and step dad got divorced about a year ago. My step dad was abusive since I was young, so I already knew he wouldnt be apart of my day or even be invited. But with that being said, Im not SUPER close with my mom either. We’ve gotten much better the past few years, but nothing drastic. With that being said, I decided soon after the proposal that my twin sister would walk me down the aisle. She has been with me through everything we’ve gone through in life, always been supportive and loved me through everything. I wanted someone to walk me who has really played that “Rock” role in my life. It was important to me that the moms have a role in the wedding too, so I decided the mothers(my mom and FI’s mom) would walk the aisle together and light the taper candles for the unity candle. This past week my mom totally freaked out saying SHE should walk me and give me away, and then asked if I was having my twin sister walk me because she was “prettier?!?!?” I seriously was so angry. I explained to her my reasoning in hopes she’d understand, that for me, its not about the giving away, its about “the walk” – I told her if she wants to step out when I get to the front and answer the giving away question, she could. But she is just furious and making comments. I dont know what to do , I dont want anyone hurt over something so small, but I also want something thats meaningful to me, be. What should I do?
Post # 3
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
Maybe describe to your mom how important it is to you that the two moms light the candles together and try to make her feel that that is just as important? But no matter what, don’t give in, you should have the person you want walking you down the aisle.
Post # 4
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
Don’t give in – you should have your sister walk you down the aisle if that is what you want.
Post # 5
Member
1673 posts
Bumble bee
Just stick to your guns. It’s nice of you to let her answer the question if she wants.
The person who walks you is an important choice, I think. It’s about those last few minutes before you walk as well as the actual walk, and it makes sense to have whoever you consider to be your rock.
I’m going to have my oldest brother walk with me. My father is estranged, and I just don’t consider my mom to be someone who always protected me. But my brother has always been there for me, giving me sex talks, intimidating my boyfriends and helping me move. He is much older than me, 22 years older and has daughters close to my age. That is who I chose, and nobody is going to change my mind.
Just remember that you chose your sister for a reason, and picture the moments before you walk down the aisle. This moment is about you embarking on a new journey, not about your mom.
Post # 6
Member
2485 posts
Buzzing bee
I think the fact that she thinks she should be walking you down the aisle, as if it were her right just because she is your mother, is proof that she shouldn’t do it. If you aren’t close to your mum she shouldn’t walk you down the aisle. It should be who you want.
Next year we will be attending a wedding where the bride will be given away by her FBIL. So you have whoever you wish.
Post # 7
Member
794 posts
Busy bee
@SaraLynne024: It sounds like you’re doing what is right for you. It also sounds as though you’re demonstrating a lot more maturity than your mother is. Give your mom time to calm down then try talking to her again. Maybe she could do one of the readings (if you’re having any during the ceremony) or something similar.
Post # 8
Member
4777 posts
Honey bee
I think you are working things out beautifully and I love the idea of having your twin sister walk with you. Stick to your guns!!
Post # 9
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
@SaraLynne024: You have chosen a very appropriate and traditional role in which to honor your mother, and you’ve even offered to allow her to act in the role of saying that it is she who is giving you away. I think what you have planned is entirely right. It makes complete sense that, of anyone else on this earth, you would feel closest to your twin sister and that you would want her to be the person who walks with you to the end of the aisle. I think that is very symbolic as well, given that, once you are united in marriage with your FH, he will assume a role that will be even closer to you.
If you were refusing to allow your mother to play any type of formal or traditional role in your wedding, I could understand why she would be upset. However, given what you have chosen to do, I think your mother needs to re-evaluate her response. She is wrongly choosing to make this day about herself and not about you.
Post # 10
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
@SaraLynne024: there is something special about the bond between twins and I feel like of all people your mom should know this, after all she raised you both!!! Geez, no don’t give in. You have done nothing wrong here. I love that your sister is walking you down the aisle!!
Member
