- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I apologize for this long post
So I just got married a month ago. Throughout the entire wedding planning, my mother was uninvolved until the last 2 months or so.
She helped me financially, she paid for the hall. I must note that I told her I was going to have a low budget wedding, I was going to look into having a wedding at a women’s club and have a buffet style dinner as opposed to a sit down/formal dinner. She was appalled and said no, absolutely not and said I will pay for the hall and you pay for everything else. I was not comfortable with this but then she talked me into saying “this is what your father would have wanted, he set aside money for you and your sister for when you got married,” (Our dad passed when we were very young). So I went ahead and planned it.
She has been with her boyfriend for 11 years. We used to speak but as I got older, I started to see things that I didn’t like about him and he made me feel uncomfortable. So I started to distance myself. My DH is not a fan of him at all. Only reason him and his family were invited were out of respect for my mother and because she helped pay for the hall.
We didn’t cash his check he gave to us from the wedding. My mother text me this morning asking if I had, and when I told her no, she had a heart attack. I have explained to her on numerous occassions that I don’t have to have a relationship with him, and I didn’t go into details as to why because sadly, my mom is the type of woman who puts her man before her kids. That has always been the case. When my father was alive she was so jealous and would get mad when my father wanted to have a day with just his daughters (my sister nad I).
So I again said if you want to have a relationship with us (My DH and I) you need to drop the subject of pushing me to have a relationship with your BF, and she said that I have fabricated some sort of story and I am basically a liar.
I just don’t know what to do because eventually DH and I will have kids and I want them to know her but unfortunately she won’t be babysitting or having a whole day bc I fear she will bring them to her BF’s house.
Another thing, I am very very close with my aunt and she is so jealous. She said that she hasn’t seen me since I got back from my honeymoon but when I invite her over she says I am tired, its a weekday, I don’t like to go out on the weekday, so when I suggest a weekend, she says shes going awway for the weekend (with BF).
I also can’t stand that my mom makes me feel like nothing I do is good enough. As a thank you for the wedding, I bought her a white gold butterfly necklace with a diamond in the middle (we gave the gift at the rehearsal dinner). When I went on my honeymoon, she asked if I could find her a bracelet like the one I bought for my Mother-In-Law at the rehearsal dinner. I let that go by. I came home and bought her a beautiful hand painted clock from Paris. It was about $60 USD. I bought my aunt a little change purse (about $5USD). My mom called me to thank me for the gift and then said, “So what did you get Aunt X”? I said a change purse, and she said “why didn’t you get me a purse?” I flipped!
I feel bad because my relationship with my mother is never going to get better. And I done feeling like its my fault, because its not.
I am just venting. thanks