Post # 31
annemw333: If your parents are paying for a large part of your wedding, including your photographer, I think your mother absolutely has the right to ask for certain photos as long as she doesn’t ask for this to occur during a time when your photographer is otherwise occupied taking key shots of you and your Fiance. (For example, she can’t ask to have the photographer outside taking family pics while you and your Fiance are getting ready to cut your cake.)
I would try to find a timeframe when you and your Fiance are having a few moments of downtime (immediately after the ceremony and before your formal pics, perhaps) where she can have these photos taken.
Post # 32
julies1949: +1 it’s not really all that weird or unusual for a mom to want a couple family arrangements. Typically the parents end up getting several of the formal photos for their own home…so I’m not really sure what the problem is.
Post # 33
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
This would annoy me, I have to admit it. But if your mother is paying, she basically gets her way. And at least you know about it so you can plan accordingly.
Post # 34
- Wedding: October 2019 - City, State
I think that’s pretty normal actually, and you will appreciate having these photos of your loved ones from your day. I would simply say “ok you get 20 minutes to fit in some formal photos”. Carve out a 20 minute window somewhere and let her have at it. Once that time is up, instruct your photographer to return to getting the shots you want. During the reception, especially when people are dancing, that might be a good time to let your mom steal away for a few formals.
Post # 35
stardustintheeyes: There is NEVER 20 minutes of your photographers time to spare at a wedding, so there is really NOTHING to carve out.
OP are you doing a first look? If not, most brides have an hour, maayyybee an hour and half between the ceremony and reception available for photos. The photographer needs to use this time to do all the family formall combinations the OP and her husband wants, wedding party photos (most people like something creative for this), AND bride and groom photos. The average set of family formals usually runs about 30 minutes alone, then you figure 15-20 minutes to set up a couple of creative full wedding party photos, and that leaves you with 40 minutes for bride and groom photos. If you only have an hour between the ceremony and reception, that’s already an unrealistic amount of time for JUST those basic three sets of photos, without any superfluous requests from family members.
Also during the small gap between ceremony and reception, we are ususally setting up reception lighting and trying to take as many detail shots of your venue/decor as we can before guests start filtering in and unfolding napkins, setting drinks on tables, etc. It’s the most stressful, high-pressure window of our day, as well as the only viable time for photos (unless you want to go out for a couple night shots at the reception), and I wouldn’t promise your mother one second of it.
A good photographer at a wedding is never doing nothing, there’s no down time, so if we’re taking family photos for people that don’t involve the bride and groom, we are definitely missing capturing something else/moments etc. for the bride and groom.
Post # 36
I’d say let her ask for any pictures she wants. It doesn’t sound like she is asking for that many, and she is right – these will be memories that will be treasured forever.
Post # 37
PassionatePhotoLady: Thank you soooo much for giving your honest and professional opinion! We only hired our photographer for 6 hours and with only one shooter for budget reasons so I KNOW he will crunched for time. The photos I will want for years to come are the details and the more candid/photo journalist style shots and few formal shots in which my future hubby and I are included. Call me selfish but I don’t want or need a whole slew of photos of family members where my husband and I are not involved. Just not what I am looking for from my wedding. I respect others opinions but I refuse to subscribe to the argument that just because she (really my father) is paying, that she can dictate the agenda. I am happy to listen to her opinion and where her desires don’t interfere with mine (ie the guest list) or coordinate well with mine, I am happy to include them but if they potentially compromise what I want for my wedding day, at some point I have to draw a line. Thankfully my father has done his best to remind my mother that his offering to help pay for the day is his gift to us and he has not intention of adding strings to that gift. I know in the end it will be a lovely day regardless but I am so glad to hear from professionals as it helps me better understand what my photographer will need from us to get the best shots possible.