Post # 16
I’m not sure why you’d leave her out? She’s not a new step-mother, she was around when he was a kid and probably helped raise him to some degree (whether that was when he visited or if he lived with them most of the time). I think it would be very nice to appreciate her and present her with flowers, etc.
Post # 17
What does your Fiance want to do? Do you think FSMIL or Father-In-Law would be offended if she wasn’t honoured with a corsage or flowers? I don’t think you need to ask FSMIL to get ready with you – to be honest I wouldn’t have asked Future Mother-In-Law either – so I wouldn’t worry too much about this.
I’m the one with a step mother, and I wanted to do my best to make sure she felt included. I was 17 when she and my dad got married, but I lived with them from when I was 16 until I was about 24. We got her the same corsage as my mum and Mother-In-Law, she was included in all family photos with my dad’s side of the family and she was included when our officiant asked who blessed our union (all of our parents stood with us and responded). If my mum and Mother-In-Law had have walked in the processional, step mother would have too. My step mother isn’t my bio mother but she sure as hell has done a lot for me over the years and has always gone out of her way to make me and my full sisters feel comfortable in their home. She was incredibly touched that we included her as one of the mothers and even teared up a little when I presented her with a corsage the morning of my wedding, as she hadn’t been expecting any of that at all.
Post # 18
I was just looking for opinions because I wasn’t sure what to do. As I said, our wedding is very, very small — we’re giving flowers to almost half the guests, in some fashion or another! Which is fine, but again, it was just a question.
It’s not that we want to leave her out. It’s just that Fiance is not particularly close with her; he’s always had a close relationship with his mom. At the same time, they don’t have a bad relationship, she’s just not really in a mother role to him.
Anyways. We decided to get a corsage for her, and a bout for his stepdad. For the honoring of the mothers ceremony, we will only be honoring our bio moms. And I’m not inviting her to get ready with us.
Post # 19
I understand, I didn’t mean to come across as pointing the finger at you wanting to specifically leave her out – it was more of a general statement that I feel she should still be recognized in some way.
I think getting her a corsage is a lovely idea.
Post # 20
thanks for your thoughts! This thread really helped me figure out how I’d like to proceed, and gave me some things to think about.
Post # 21
We just got married and we treated his stepmother (they have been married 10 years) as a mom in the ceremony. She walked down the aisle and got flowers. We did not include her in the rose ceremony (each of us recognizing our moms and handing them a rose.) In one way you want her to feel included, but in other make sure his actual mom feels special.