(Closed) Mother without a Child

posted 6 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

First, I’d go talk to your priest and get his advice. It would be good to have someone who really understands your faith listen to you. Then, I’d consider some kind of counseling, in the church or out, with your husband so that you can express to him in a safe environment the sense of betrayal you feel. I’m sorry you are going through this. 

Post # 4
7687 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m not Catholic, but if I understand the religion, doesn’t him not wanting kids mean that the marriage was never valid in God’s eyes anyway? If having kids is part of your life plan, you could look into an anullment.

Post # 5
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

This sounds like a pretty quickly accepted no questions statement. Have you talked through it with him about how you feel? Does he know that you’re devastated? What made him change his mind? 

It looks like you are Catholic, and I know the discussion up front includes openness to children – can you think back to precana chats and remind him of his commitments… He seems to have mislead you.  Is this related to other issues? Maybe there is someone in the church you can turn to for guidance?

Im so sorry you’re going through this, I can’t imagine what you’re feeling.  Xoxo keep us posted

Post # 6
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Maybe you should just tell him how devistated you are about this. I mean if he loves you the way you love him he would have to take your happiness into consideration. It was totally wrong and heartless of him to know how much it meant to you and never say he was having second thoughts. I would ask God for the words to say and for your husbands heart and ears to be open and softened and then talk with your husband about this. Im sorry you are hurting right now!! Hugs!

Post # 8
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Over_The_Rainbow:  Oh my goodness OP I am praying for you and your husband. I feel what he’s done to you is just not fair. How could he think you would react any other way? To basically deny the woman you love the chance at motherhood… after you married her a year ago, reassuring her that she WOULD have that chance.

Am I right that you would not have continued dating him if he had told you early on he didn’t want kids?

I don’t think he has the right to just change his mind on you like that. Legally of course but morally? It’s just wrong. It was part of his commitment to you. I’m so sorry, I hope he changes his mind again ๐Ÿ™ ๐Ÿ™

Post # 9
1547 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

wow…. that’s very sad.. and i dont even want kids.

You should ask him more about his change of heart, why doesnt he want children?

i hope you can work it out ๐Ÿ™

Post # 10
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Daisy_Mae:  It would be grounds for an annullment if he lied to her and she married him believing the lie. It’s not grounds for an annullment if he honestly did want to have one child when they got married but later changed his mind.

OP, that sucks. Like, really sucks. Go to marriage counselling. You need to air this one out.

Also, why is it assumed that he automatically gets his way? He is the one that married you on the assumption you would be having kids. He’s the one that changed his mind. In my eyes, you want X, he wants Y, but you two agreed to X so he can just suck it right the f*ck up.

Post # 11
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

That sounds like a horrible situation! I’m honestly furious on your behalf – if my partner did that, he’d be out the door quicker than blinking! Even though he may not have intended to deceive you, these are issues he should have worked through before the marriage.

Does he have valid reasons for not wanting children? Financial, afraid of raising children, had a poor childhood himself, or does he just “not want children?”

@AdriannaJean:  With almost any other issue, I would agree with you, but a child isn’t something you can have because you said you would a few years earlier. It’s a lifelong commitment, and I doubt anyone would want to force their partner to have a child they don’t want.

Post # 12
1547 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@AdriannaJean:  yeah, but then again why would he have a kid if he doesnt want to anymore? that can’t be good for her, for him and for the child.

Post # 13
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@AdriannaJean:  In my eyes, you want X, he wants Y, but you two agreed to X so he can just suck it right the f*ck up.

Is the risk of him being a shitty father or being resentful towards mother and/or child worth it?

In my eyes, it wouldn’t be.

Post # 14
35 posts
  • Wedding: March 2013

This is definitely sad. I would take a look back at the promises you made before God that included openness to children. If he did not tell you of this feeling he had on the day you married and BOTH said that you would be open to children then it is grounds for annulment (however, I doubt you are thinking along those lines).

Point is, he can’t just up and change his mind cuz all of a sudden he feels this way. His “decision” is not a done deal, nor is it set in stone. Pursue marriage counseling, but also talk to the priest that married the two of you! I can’t help to think what he would have to say on the matter. Also, if you’re interested, look into the catholic church teaching on marriage and family and procreation. It only solidifies your feelings and may help open the eyes of your husband.

good luck!

Post # 15
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Over_The_Rainbow:  I was having the kids talk with SO last night. He would like at least one and I’m not sure. I told him that if for him having children is that important he needs to think about it before we get married because there is a chance that I may never want them. To be honest I’m happy he said I’m more important than any child he could ever have. I know it’s hard to accept but people change they’re mind, having children is not buying a goldfish it’s a major life changing decision and i don’t think it’s good to take that decision unless you are 100% sure.

I have a question: Since you are a catholic you should not be using any type of contraception anyway so either you are not having sex (which is grounds for annullment in the catholic church) or he is aware of the risk that a baby may come anyway?

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