(Closed) Mother/Groom dance, but no Bride/Father dance. Is that weird?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This is totally up to you, but the anniversary dance may be a great way to get people on the dance floor for open dancing after dinner. Otherwise, I think this schedule looks great.

ETA: I think I just got why you placed the anniversary dance there. As a guest, I think it would be strange to get up, dance, sit back down for an hour+. I don’t think there’s any need for you to disguise the fact that there is no father daughter dance. Your guests have probably already figured out the situation. 

Post # 5
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Are you having a cake cutting? Maybe you could do that as the transition between the mother-son dance and eating/toasting.

Post # 6
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Nothing wrong with doing one without the other. I danced with my father, but my husband’s mother is dead and he didn’t feel comfortable dancing with anyone else so we just skipped it. Our timeline was:

Grand entrance

Bride/Groom welcome speech


Best man/MOH speeches/toasts

First dance

Bride/Father dance

Anniversary dance to open the dance floor

Post # 7
7556 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Like a PP said, I wouldn’t worry about covering up the dance. Unless you’re honoring your father with some sort of replacement, just head right into the speeches. 

Post # 8
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

i’m sorry 🙁 i know how hard this stuff can be with a parent missing (my mom died 10 years ago and this whole process still sucks without her)! please dont stress out about not having both dances. like PP said, most people at the wedding will know the situation and even if they dont, i doubt anyone would say anything if you had one and not the other.

if you are worried about it breakng up the flow, is there another family member you would like to dance with? at my brother’s wedding, he danced with my grandmother. maybe a grandfather, brother or uncle?

or why not even your mom if you 2 are close? it’s your wedding and the meaning will ultimately be the same!

Post # 10
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I think it’s fine. Would you want to dance with your Mom- I’ve seen brides do that at weddings before, and it’s really sweet.

You could also do toasts/speeches during the end of dinner to save a little time.

Post # 11
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Father\'s Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center

We did our entrance, then got our dinner, toasts, then cut the cake, then our first dance, went straight to the mother/father dance and then opened the dance floor at that point. My father passed away in November, so I did not do one. I don’t think there is any need to acknowledge it or try to disguise it!

Post # 13
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My dad died when I was a kid, so this was a touchy subject for me, too. Some of my family can be a little dramatic with displays of emotion, and I didn’t want the parent dance to bring down the mood of the wedding. My mother really wanted to dance with me, but I knew if we let this go on for too long, it could get a little out of hand with some of my family.

What we ended up doing — and I totally understand this isn’t for everyone — was have the mother/groom dance and my mother/me dance at the same time, and then about 20-30 seconds in, the DJ invited all the families out onto the dance floor. 

It ended up working out really well, because, as predicted, as soon as my mother and I got to the dance floor, the family was encircling us, taking pictures. We barely got to dance in those 20 seconds, but we had our moment, and my mom and I were happy about it. And then everyone was dancing to a sweet song, and no one focused on the fact that my dad wasn’t there. I ended up getting to dance with my great-uncle during the same song, and I will always cherish that moment, too. It ended up being so much sweeter than I could have imagined, watching all our families dance together and switch partners as they moved across the dance floor.

Post # 14
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would also recommend dinner before all the dances.  Like entrance, dinner, formal dances, cake cutting, then party.  People will be hungry.

Post # 15
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My mother is deceased and father re-married and we are not close. I decided to have my sister and brother dance with me. If you have a brother, mother, or your father’s brother to dance with you would that make you feel better?

Post # 16
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Skipping the father/daughter dance because the father is deceased is quite common in this situation.  Most of the guests will understand that when there is a son/mother dance but not a father/daughter dance, that the father is deceased.  My husband danced with his mom, after he danced with me, and then the party started.  I had large photos blown up of his dad and mine and we wrote messages of love on them in black sharpie.  They hung over the dance floor with the rest of the photos. 


At weddings i’ve shot, I’ve seen the bride (father deceased) start her first dance with her brother or uncle, and then have a few significant men in her life (FIL, more uncles etc) ‘cut in’ until the song is over.  There isn’t a dry eye in the house.  🙂

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