Post # 1
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
I lost my Mum when I was 17 so she hasn’t been around my whole adult life and though I missed her at things like graduations and birthdays and christmas, I seem to be missing her so much more during planning my wedding. We decided to book most of the wedding before we told anyone as I liked the idea of it just being our choices and our special thing for a while, but I am now realising that part of it was that I didn’t want to be making all of these decisions in public without my Mum. We told the venues and suppliers that nobody knew about the engagment yet and we were arranging things in secret, which was fun, but also meant I didn’t have to answer questions about where my Mum was.
Since my Dad died my Mum’s best friend has told me that in the last conversation she had with my Mum before she died, my Mum asked her to be there for me for all the things my Mum knew she would miss, like my wedding, and she agreed to which was very kind of her. I was lucky enough that she was able to come wedding dress shopping with me a few days after we told her we were getting married, but she hasn’t been in touch since. Neither has my mums sister who is my godmother. My FI’s mum doesn’t seem very interested in the details of the wedding either. My two closest friends and BMs have been great and are really excited but they have thier own families and stuff going on.
I miss having someone who checks in on me, someone who thinks of me as a priority I guess (other than my FI). It feels very lonely and I was wondering how other motherless bees coped with not having a Mum to help you plan your day or share it with you.
Post # 2
Member
37 posts
Newbee
Sorry..i cant say I know how you feel but I understand how you feel. I hope your Fiance is giving you enough support throughout this wedding preparation.
Post # 3
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee
thegingerbride: I am very sorry you are in this situation. I also lost my mom as a teenager. In fact, both of my parents had passed by the time of my wedding.
I had a good friend who stepped in and helped with the planning.
Post # 4
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
thegingerbride: I’m sorry to hear of your losses. Like jwcw21 I hope you feel your Fiance is giving you enough support.
It’s been a hard process for me too. My mum passed away about 4 and a half years ago, before I met my Fiance. After we got engaged it really hit me hard because I knew she would have been so excited at the news and to meet and get to know him.
For me, choosing a dress has been the most difficult part so far because ever since I was little my mum and I had always planned that she would make my wedding dress. Because of that I couldn’t face the usual trips to visit bridal shops and ended up getting something online from preownedweddingdresses.com (I love my dress though, so there are no regrets there).
I’m DIYing a lot of the decor and my mum was very crafty so I feel like I’ve been honoring her memory with every little thing I create. It’s been quite cathartic working on the projects.
Being open and letting Fiance know how I’m feeling about missing my mum along the way has been important, he’s been a great support and encouragement.
We’re not planning on having an empty chair at the wedding or a photo table of loved ones who have passed but I have seen this picture which I think I might ask my photographer if we can do something similar as a way to remember my mum:
http://www.bridalguide.com/photo-of-the-day/honor-lost-loved-one-wedding-photo
I hope you and your mum’s friend can get back in touch and do more together as your wedding approaches.
thegingerbride.