Post # 1
I am a serious mess. First stuff about the fiance and then friend related issues. My latest problem right now: my mother disinvited herself to my wedding.
This is the second time. I can only assume that she is being purposefully rude or just plain mentally unstable. Today she yelled at me over the phone and said that she just realized that the invitation states “Together with their families” and that she was insulted that I didn’t okay with her. Problem is:
- I had sent so many drafts of the wording to her and my mother-in-law (who is AWESOME and I am very lucky)
- His parents are paying for food and booze; my parents are paying for everything else (including rings). We have no budget and we are very blessed in that manner.
- The Gem: She has had the invitation for almost two months now (I sent mine in eight weeks before because we have a lot of friends who will be traveling)
I’m so tired of these blow-ups and I know she’s going to do it again. She was barely involved in the entire process and when I tried to include her in the wedding plans, she seemed indifferent and disinterested. When I was trying to find a dress, I tried gowns at Monique Lhuillier, she said every one of them were ugly
and it was so embarrassing because I felt like I had to defend her to the dress salesperson. During the entire dress process, she didn’t even comment on any of my dresses (or any of the gowns I had ever tried on). I felt like she would only be pleased if I wore tattered brown rags (she wanted to wear this ivory satin dress to MY WEDDING as if it was her wedding too!). She has been completely unsupportive.
For the past month, things were okay. My mom offered to run a few errands and even put together the orders for some tableware. But now, she blows-up and tells me that I am ungrateful for not putting her name (and my dad’s) because they are paying for the wedding but THEY ARE NOT PAYING FOR ALL OF IT. I then tried to rationalize with her and told her that because our families were splitting expenses it was only polite and that if she told me earlier, I would’ve put both sets of parents’ names in the invite. Except my mother was very defiant on saying that their names SHOULD not be on the invite and starts spewing about the amount of money they spent to raise me (which makes no sense to me). She also said that they deserve to be on the invitation regardless of ettiquette because “we” do things different. WTH does that mean?!
I don’t understand why this matters now when she has had a copy of the invitation for so long!!!!
Now, I really don’t care if she shows up or not even though people are saying that I will regret it if she doesn’t. But honestly, I do not want someone like that in my life.
Post # 3
Ohhh…you have no idea how my heart aches for you. Mothers are impossible. (I got nuthin.’ )
Post # 4
This is why I cut my mother out of my life 4 years ago. I do not, for the life of me understand why so many parents these days are jealous of their children. Fi and I deal with this every day from his family as well. You have my most heartfelt empathy, and I am sending you lots of loving thoughts and hugs!!!
Post # 5
I really have nothing for you on this–my mother demanded ours be changed from “together with their families” to “together with their parents”. I gave in since I have bigger battles to fight.
Post # 6
The thing that stands out for me is how she practically wants to wear a wedding dress to her own daughters wedding…..so weird!
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with it, but it sounds like it’s going to be hard to rationalize with her if she gets so hysterical over things like invites.
Post # 7
This is absolutely crazy. Don’t worry yourself with whether or not she will show up.. if she doesn’t, I guarantee she’ll regret it more than you will. Everytime I read something like this, I’m so grateful for my mom.. I’m sorry you have to deal with this so close to your wedding. :-/
Post # 8
my mum has been a little crazy.. i havent done the invites yet but i think she will want her name there.. but i dont.. because we are also paying for the wedding.. so i think that it should be together with their families..
also i want a small wedding.. like only fourty guests max.. she wants her friends there.. i dont.. and she has made comments on the ppl sho we are inviting.. argh so annoying i just clam up when she does it..
it has made me not want to do any planning..
but remember its about the love and commitment of you and your other half..
perhaps say to her that your very dissapointed in how she has been behaving. you are gratefull for the love and support that she has given you and it has helped to shape the person who you are today. Tell her you did not intentionally mean to disrespect her, by not putting her name down. And you do want her to come to your wedding as it is a celebration that you cant imagine her not being at. She is important but so are you! tell her that you thought she would have been able to take part of this in a way that celebrates you!
hmm i dont know what else to say..
maybe i should take my own advice