Post # 1
I am so sad that this is my first post but I’m at such a loss that I just have to write out my thoughts and see if any of you have had to deal with the same thing.
We’ve all heard the phrase “monster in law”, but in my case, my future Mother-In-Law has actually been wonderful in the whole engagement and wedding planning process. It’s my mother who is being the monster.
I have done almost everything with my mom so far – the dress, the venue, music, photographer etc. Right now we are meeting with caterers and I have been bringing the in laws because they used to work in catering and can add a lot of value to these meetings.
My mom is SO upset that I have kept her out of this one thing so far (even though she’s been invited- she lives in another city so it’s hard to co-ordinate everything all the time). But the truth is, that we haven’t even made any decisions about the food so far, just seeing what’s out there and doing the research. Once we have the numbers, we’ll sit down again with both sets of parents.
To keep a long story short, my mom flipped out on me today, saying that I’m being ungrateful and taking my MIL’s side on everything. She has now insisted that everything left to be done, catering aside, will be up to her. Basically floral, invitations and decor is left.
I really don’t think it’s right that she is asking me to exclude anyone from these decisions and put me in a position to choose one mother over the other. Again, my Mother-In-Law, although a very particular person with expensive taste, has not been pushy at all.
What should I do? Thanks ladies. I’m so hurt and wish that wedding planning came with a book of answers to these sorts of things.
Post # 3
@September Bee: Is your ma helping pay for these things? Either way, sometimes weddings just bring out the selfish feelings in folks.
I think she’s just being selfish/upset that she can’t join in on this aspect. I’d politely but firmly tell her that she’s more than welcome to join you, but you intend to involve everyone in the selection process. It is your wedding, you’d appreciate it if she does not try to place ‘dibs’ on what she feels should be ‘mom-only’ events because it makes you uncomfortable and you really want to enjoy the whole experience with a lot of people that you love, including Future Mother-In-Law and others.
Post # 4
@indibee: Exactly what she said. Your mother is being unreasonable, you need to speak up.
Post # 5
I think your Mother may need reminding that yes you are her daughter but the day is not all about you its about your Fiance too so his parents should be as equally involved as her, Ask your mother what right do you have to tell them no when your marrying there son? hopefully then she will come to terms with it
Post # 6
Thanks everyone for taking the time to read my post and respond with your helpful answers. I will definitely have a talk with my mom now that the emotion has settled and explain to her that I love her very much but I need her to be in my supporting section, rather than working against me 🙂
Post # 7
She has now insisted that everything left to be done, catering aside, will be up to her.
Who is getting married that day? I can understand some input if she’s paying, but otherwise tell her to back off.
I’m going through the same thing with my Momzilla – who knew what’s been lurking in there all these years?!? lol
Post # 8
@Snow00774: lol I know! She does have financial input and I know that money always has strings attached, but I don’t like being forced into situations like this one. Besides, it’s not going to be authentic fun if I’m looking at flowers with her because she has insisted, rather than me asking her to accompany me. Good luck with your momzilla – and promise yourself you’ll never be like that at your daughter’s wedding!