- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
Well to me it just sounds like your mother was mad and wanted to take her anger out on someone (which happened to be you). Are you close with your family? Why would the FI want to cut contact with your family? Does the FI consider his mom meddleing?
It concerns me more that the FI wants you to cut ties with your familys more than anything else in that post because that is usually a power play. Only you know your mother, but it sounds to me like she was just stressed and needed to vent. I’m sure it will all blow over.
You do bring up an interesting pointof my mother needing to vent and taking her anger out on me. Unfortunately, she has been like this CONSTANTLY since wedding planning started. I loathe conversations that involve wedding planning. Actually, I pretty much hate everything to do with my wedding at this point because it has been tainted by her attitude. As another example, the wedding is coming up VERY quickly and invitations haven’t even been ORDERED yet because dear old mom refuses to let anyone but her do it but ‘hasn’t had the time’ to do it yet. Pretty much everyone in the family sees how out of control she has become but no one knows what to do to stop her. :
FI does not want me to completely sever ties with my family, he just doesn’t want to deal with them, specifically my mother. She has been a huge PITA this entire wedding planning process, going so far as to tell him (In front of the baker!) that he needs to just “sit there and shut up because this isn’t his responsibility”. She has fought both of us tooth and nail with wedding plans. This whole wedding has turned her into the archetypical Mom-zilla and he hates that. He loves my grandparents and other relatives but really doesn’t want to deal with my mother in the future if she continues to be like that. Trust me when I say that this is NOT a power play by FI.
Oh no no no no. She didn’t belittle him like that in front of the baker? That’s awful. Who’s paying for your wedding? Actually, it doesn’t matter, they all need to take a step back. Maybe don’t ring any of them for a week or so, give yourself a break.
She and my father are paying for the wedding. She actually had me in tears at the bakery too–she told me I don’t know what it means to be artistic and pretty because I didn’t study art in college like she did. (which I should add, she changed majors after her freshman year)
I would LOVE to take a break and not ring her for a week. However, not a good idea, especially this close to the wedding when I am long distance from the location and she is doing the lion’s share of planning. 🙁
AH, yes some mothers are like that. Is she paying for the wedding? She might just be stressing out about the wedding and will calm down when all is said and done. My mom has been annoying me, but I just flat out tell her I am too stressed to deal with her bull anymore and she can go whine to my sister if she feels the need. That usually ticks her off enough I don’t get a phone call for a week or so and I use that time to de-stress and get stuff done. 🙂
I mean if your mom is ALWAYS like this then I could see cutting off contact. If she just turned into this from wedding planning I would cut her some slack. Weddings are extremely stressful for the couple and their families. I just couldn’t see cutting my mother out of my life over something silly like a wedding.
Is your dad a ‘sit back and let her get on with it, for a quiet life’ kind of guy? Would he be any use in getting her to rein it in a bit, no?
My dad really is the kind to just sit back and ride out the storm. He really is too nice and gentle to wrangle her when she gets into these snits.
As for her always being like this? Well she is a VERY high strung person. Love her dearly, but if it isn’t the wedding it is something else. Yes, the wedding is bringing her to her absolute worst, but there is always something for her to stress over and get upset and angry like this.
I don’t want to nor do I plan on cutting off contact, even after the wedding. I just know that FI will need a LONG time to get over some of the things she has said/done to him since the wedding planning started. I have hope that over time everyone will calm down and FI doesn’t want me to cut ties completely, he just wants to minimize exposure to her and her negativity.
And my sister? Yeah, I love her too much and she has already had to deal with being vented to by our mother. I have tried to tell her to back off but it always ends with her crying, hanging up and then causing so many problems at home that my father, grandparents, and sister (who doesn’t live at home anymore either) end up calling and begging me to apologize just so she will calm down. So, I end up apologizing, she gets her way and everyone is miserable.
Seriously it sounds like you, your FI, and her need to sit down with a family counselor and deal with some of these issues. It really isn’t normal to either be rude/mean enough to someone to make them cry or to let your mother constantly make you cry. My mother has not made me cry since I was 18 and moved out because if she upsets me, I can just ignore her. 🙂
You can also just deal with it until July. Or confront her by saying everything you just said to us (she is making you miserable, that your upset she hates your FMIL, that she has made your wedding a nightmare, etc.). If you confront her, you can’t be upset/crying. You need to say everything very bluntly and stay calm so that the point gets across you are upset and she needs to shape up.
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