Post # 1
Everytime I post on this board it seems to be about my mother.
The situation is my mother lives an hour and a half from me- two in rush hour traffic. It is her birthday on Thursday and I already told her it would be really difficult for me to make a dinner as I probably wouldn’t get there until 7-7:30 and I would to leave around 8:30-9:00 to make it home by 10:30 and I have a 7am meeting the next day.
I asked her if we could PLEASE celebrate on Saturday because I have more flexibility, could spend more time with her, and Fiance could come too (she is available that day).
Of course she is insisting on scheduling this dinner on Thursday.
Oh and I am expected to ‘pitch in’ and take care of making dinner with my sisters too. My sisters all live close to her so they can easily make it on Thursday.
I REALLY don’t want to drive a 3-4 hour round trip only to be there for an hour and a half.
So- am I being selfish if I don’t go and celebrate with her on another day?
ETA it is her 60th birthday and she is throwing a big party in a few weeks which Fiance and I will attend.
Post # 3
@Penelopeee: I don’t think you’re being selfish at all! You’re trying to celebrate on a day that 1. you can spend MORE time with her and 2. your Fiance could be there to celebrate too! That’s weird that she’s so adament about celebrating ON her birthday!
Post # 4
@Penelopeee: If anything, she is being selfish. At a certain age, a birthday is just another day. Unless it’s a milestone, I wouldn’t really worry about it too much. I’d say, “sorry, mom, I explained why getting together during the week doesn’t work for me. Fiance and I will be happy to come out and see you Saturday.” Don’t let people push you around. The reasons you have given for not attending are valid and your mom is being a baby. It’s a birthday, seriously. Get over yourself. All you did was not die for a year 😛
Post # 5
I shouldn’t be surprised. She pulls this every year.
Well you bring up milestone Bday. it is her 60th but she is throwing a big party in two weeks and Fiance and I are going to that. And your final comment made me laugh. Thanks : )
Post # 6
A milestone birthday doesn’t get 2 celebrations. You are going to the party, you don’t have to inconvenience yourself on a week day to boot. Seriously, set the boundaries now or she will contantly put unrealistic expectations on you and the precedent will be that you will meet them.
Post # 7
I think it’s overly demanding and unreasonable, personally. I could see her point if this was about not making the effort on the weekend or ever, but to expect the celebration to be on the day of only is kind of ridiculous. Even little children postpone their birthday parties for a weekend.
Post # 8
I’m going to go against the grain. My mom is older, and I wouldn’t miss her birthday for anything. Especially if she asked. I think you could sacrifice and get home a little bit later, and be tired for your meeting. If you got there at 7, you could leave at 9:30 and be home by 11. I don’t think it’s such a big deal to do a little extra for your mom on her 60th birthday. She won’t be around forever.
Post # 9
I think she’s being kind of ridiculous. Even young children have their birthday parties moved to the weekends and for the most part, they understand. I would certainly hope a grown woman of her age would understand the practicality of this decision as well.
Post # 10
my meeting is with my CEO so being tired is not an option : )
Post # 11
It’s ONE day out of the whole year. If you being there on her birthday means that much to her, just do it. That’s your momma! Some people would give anything just to see their mom for one more day. Maybe she has some important news for the immediate family? I’d go.
Post # 12
Does it make a difference that last year on my birthday she said if I wanted to do anything I would have to drive to her city as she wasn’t going to drive all the way to my city during the work week?
Post # 13
I wouldn’t go, I love my Mom to bits, we are so close, but she would understand me not being there in a heartbeat because she loves me and wants me to be happy/not stress me out. I almost never see her on her birthday (day before valentine’s day) as the crowds are too much, we always celebrate a different day anyway.
The mtg with the CEO is big!! She should be more understanding that you can’t make it due to that alone, not even counting the fact that she is having another party.
Don’t go, call and sing to her or something silly, but don’t risk your job.
Post # 14
Honestly I would probably feel a bit annoyed, especially if she’s having the official big birthday party later on, BUT… I would make the sacrifice and go, help cook or whatever, smile, etc. Why, because as a PP said it’s one day out of the whole year. And if it saves you future drama and grief, it’s worth the effort. You may end up having a good time with family even if you feel extra sleepy the next day.
Post # 15
@Penelopeee: she is your mother…I honestly don’t think it will kill you to make the effort especially as it is her 60th.
you also mention having sisters…..I don’t think you should expect everyone to change plans for the minority….
I don’t mean to sound harsh but you asked.
Go with a smile and celebrate this milestone with a wonderful lady who i’m certain made the effort for you….
Post # 16
You’re not being selfish at all! It’s a “school night”/ working night. She needs to understand that you have job obligations and can’t risk being unprepared for a meeting at work the next day. Catching up on the Saturday or her party is fine! If she carries on reply with, “ok, well I’ll see you at your big party then! Hope you have a nice dinner. Love you.”