Mother’s Day

posted 5 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

I’m totally Rachel Green on this. 

Rachel (on realizing she’s mimicing one of her father’s bad traits) “OMG, I”ve tried so hard not to turn out like my mother that I didn’t see this coming!” 

Post # 17
Member
2503 posts
Sugar bee

I’m right there with you bees. This weekend was hard for me. Hugs. 

Post # 18
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

We had a lovely brunch with FHs family. In a lot of ways, it’s nice not to have the need to juggle who we’re going to see/spend time with. 

Like desertgypsy :  my own approach to parenting was – whatever my mom didn’t do. I remember once when my daughter was little, she commented on how she was AMAZED that i didn’t seem to need to beat her to get her to behave. She was genuinely bewildered how I managed without the kinds of draconian punishments (as opposed to discipline, which I absolutely practiced) my stepfather employed. 

She stopped talking to me almost 3 years ago. Doing so more easily allows her to point to the evidence of her victimhood. Who am I to deny her that? 

Essentially, while I’m sometimes quite sad I didn’t have the kind of mom I could share a close loving relationship with, I don’t miss her at all. The drama level in my life is pretty much zero without her, and it’s bilssfully boring. 

I think my negative feelings about not having a mother I wanted to celebrate has made me a Mother’s Day Scrooge. My daughter sent me a nice text message, but I have made it clear to her it’s just another day and not to bother making a fuss. She doesn’t push the issue because she thinks it would hurt my feelings, but I think she’d like to acknowledge it in a more substantial way.

Maybe we can develop our own tradition that is about my being a mother instead. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me, so that seems well worth celebrating. 

Post # 20
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I’m so glad there are other’s out there who understand what it is like to not have a relationship with your mother. It’s refreshing to see I’m not alone (and I do not by any means want that to sound mean or rude especially in light of those who do not have a mother at all any more for whatever reasons).

I’m not a human-mom, but a fur-mom. Over the past few years of my adult life and especially within the past 2 years specifically (engagement + wedding and married life) my relationship with my mother went downhill fast, due to her own fault.

I’ve tried what I can do be the bigger person, but I quickly came to realize that I have the right to choose to be happy on my own terms and I’m not on this Earth to please another human being and make sure they are happy at my own expense (excluding Darling Husband, lol). I realized that my mother is a textbook narsissist and very toxic, we’ve always had a hot and cold relationship and I had enough and went no-conctact and I cannot stress how much of a difference it has made in my life.

I usually see the pity posts about how Mother’s Day is hard on us who don’t have a relationship with their mom and such (and I’m sure it is hard for some) but I’ve ACCEPTED (key word here) the “relationship” I have with my mother and I think that alone helps me cope with Mother’s Day and other life experiences and milestones. I’ve come to have that “it is what it is” attitude when it comes to the relationship I have with my mother.

Similar to another PP, I do strive to be NOT like my mom when it comes to parenting my children and NOT be the partner (and quite frankly) the person she is. I have a very loving family (DHs) who I spent Mother’s Day with and my Mother-In-Law is more of my mom now than my mom and for that I am so grateful.

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