(Closed) Mother’s disappointment

posted 7 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I wouldn’t be hard on her. I am obsessed with my mom and it would have never in a million years crossed my mind that I was hurting her feelings by walking down the aisle with my daddy. (they are still married).

Post # 4
Member
46606 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The spotlight will be on the bride, not her Dad.  Even if you were still married, she may have chosen to have her Dad walk her down the aisle.

The mother of the Bride is the last person seated before the processional begins. That is your moment in the limelight. The rest of the time is for your daughter and her groom.

 

Post # 5
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

So it seems like you want their wedding to be fairly traditional, from your disappointment about the lack of dancing and the ipod. But she is doing her walk down the aisle the traditonal way, and you are crushed?  I think you need to try harder to put yourself in her shoes here – she is disappointed that her father isn’t being more involved in the wedding and her life, and she is probably also aggravated that they are driving up the gueslist. She wants to at least have him walk her down the aisle, but if she does she has to worry about hurting her mom. Instead of enoying her planning she would spenda a bunch of time stressing about everyone ese’s feelings and wants instead of what she wants for her wedding day.

I know you said that you haven’t expressed this disappointment to her, and that is good – I don’t think you should. I know it’s hard for you as the mom, but you are the one who chose him as her father – she did not, and I don’t think it would be fair to pressure her for wanting him to take the traditional father role whenever she can get that from him.

Post # 7
Member
1557 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You sound like a great mom! No one is really going to think twice about it just being her dad to walk her down aisle, since that is tradition. I understand being hurt now & I think it’s great you didn’t bring it up with your daughter. Plus your daughter probably never thought about going down the aisle any other way, I know I wouldn’t and I’m much closer with my mom than my dad. She may also look at it as the only thing her dad is really participating in that day, where it seems like you are much more involved and interested in her big day than he is, so she’s actually sharing a lot more with you and has put aside this little bit of time for her dad?

Post # 8
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think you’re a great mom and the fact that you’re thinking about her feelings shows a great deal on your part.

I agree with PPs that she probably never thought of it any other way and it’s great that you didn’t bring it up to her.

Post # 9
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

First of all, kudos to you and your ex for getting along-it’s so nice to read this. You can’t imagine how much this means to your daughter. I am so thankful that my parents are amicably divorced (otherwise we would have probably eloped already, due to some other serious family drama we’ve already dealt with.) So you and your ex are saving your daughter SO much stress and heartache. 🙂

I’ve only seen mothers walk their daughters down the aisle if it’s a Jewish wedding, or if the father is deceased. The spotlight is on her, not him. Even though my relationship with my mom has always been better and closer, I love my Dad very much despite (what I view as) his shortcomings as a parent. I know this is a moment my Dad’s been waiting a long time for, and I am so excited to share it with him.

A co-worker had a similar concern with her daughter’s wedding- she basically raised her daughters as a single parent, supporting them through college, and she paid for the wedding- her ex didn’t give one dime, yet wanted a billion relatives there (she said no). When her daughter/ex got to the altar. the daughter turned and gave her mother a kiss- a very nice touch, I thought. Mom also gave the toast at the reception, not Dad.

As far as planning, for most men, it just isn’t their thing. Future Father-In-Law said “just tell me where to be and what you want me to wear.” (wish his wife said the same thing!)

I think you’re wise to keep this to yourself- I realize it may hurt a little bit, but it might hurt your daughter more, if it would put her in a conflicted situation. Children know who their “better” parent is, yet we love them both.

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