(Closed) mothers that wear white….uhhh

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 17
1837 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@littlemisshostess:  yeah i feel like the white is the least of that dress’s problems

Post # 18
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@futurepilotswife_:  I’m with you…my mom bought some cray cray “ice blue” (fugly) suit (without consulting me, but that’s another issue altogether) that showed up white in pics. Maybe I’m a bratty bridezilla, but I made her return it and now she has a lovely purple number that I helped her pick out.

I would def tell your Future Mother-In-Law that you like the style, but not in white…then suggest some more appropriate colors/dress options that would work well in pics (and with her skin tone) to point her in the right direction.

SN: You might want to double check that the dress doesn’t come in multiple colors, but the link/cookies she sent you defaulted to the white version…

@trueblue14 It’s not so much about people mistaking these other white-wearing folks as the bride (obvi the one in the ballgown/a-line/mermaid, etc is the bride) but it’s just about the bride STANDING OUT and being the most beautiful and noticeable person in all of the wedding guest melange. Basically, it’s just rude unless the bride plans it for aesthetic reasons.

Post # 19
5422 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

I dont see anything with wear a mom wearing a white shade gown, since the bride is the bride.  But I would think your trying to coordinate with her if your both wearing white lace dresses,

Post # 20
2334 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Yeah, that’s not an appropriate dress.  That is something I would expect as a bride’s getaway dress, not for mom.  I would just be upfront about your feelings instead of hoping she doesn’t get it- “FMIL, I would prefer if I was the only one in a white, lacy dress.”

I had to have a similiar chat with my Maid/Matron of Honor, who I told could pick her own dress.  She liked a ballgown and it made me uncomfortable.  I told her I would prefer to be the only one in a ballgown and she picked something else.  No big deal.

Post # 21
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Oh my, I would be pissed if my Future Mother-In-Law showed me a dress like that to wear. Even if hers is a bit longer than the pic, it would still look attention-grabby imho. Especially in white.

Last year I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in a wedding where the MOB wore a floor-length, silk white dress. What really irked me though is that the bride told me “I can’t believe my mom is wearing that dress even after I asked her to get it in a different color.” She asked her mom not to, and her mom still wore white. How hard is it to pick a different color? It’s not like it was the rehearsal dinner or the shower or something…it’s the wedding day.

OP, I hope she doesn’t buy the dress! Maybe you can talk her into another one? Or suggest that you go shopping together?

Post # 22
9126 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I don’t know or care much about etiquette, and neither does anyone else in my social circle.  But not wearing white to a wedding is a pretty basic rule!  Come on!  As it gets closer, you should try to find out if she’s planning on that or if she’s taken your hint.  If nothing else, get your Fiance to tell her no.  “Mom!  I’m a guy but even I know you can’t wear white to a wedding”  

Post # 23
4282 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think it’s rude for anyone to wear white to a wedding, Future Mother-In-Law is crossing the line. It’s a unspoken rule, everyone knows this! I wouldn’t sweat it though. Nothing to stress over, you have the right attitude saying she will be the one to look silly 🙂

Post # 24
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

My Future Mother-In-Law wants to wear the ivory dress that she wore 10 years ago to her older son’s wedding. : a) it’s ivory, and so is my dress, b) it’s 10 years out of style, c) it’s too formal for our cocktail-casual wedding, and d) who’s to say it even fits (also, e) who still has clothing they wore 10 years ago?)? I keep hearing, “It’s FINE if she wears it!” No, it’s really not. Obviously no one is going to mistake her for the bride, but it’s still rude. She’d look much better in a different color. :

Post # 25
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@vorpalette:  Uggg…so annoying. I’m with you, it’s not fine. Also, I’m laughing at your post bc my 82 year old grandmother keeps trying to get us to say it’s ok for her to wear the dress she wore as MOB to my aunt’s wedding in 1976. Like…no. Not only is the dress outdated and innappropriate for the venue, time of day, etc, but you’re now almost 40 years older…

Post # 26
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I just do not understand why people do this. YOU HAD YOUR DAY ALREADY, GET OVER IT. I just think it’s plain mean-spirited.

Post # 27
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I”m not sure why it’s such a big deal, honestly.


A few years ago, I was invited to a wedding with a dress code of colors you could wear and colors you were forbidden from wearing.  Needless to say, I did not attend that wedding.  I think it’s okay to make little suggestions to people about the attire they wear to your wedding, but ultimately, the guests should have a choice.


*The little dress-code gestappo message came inside the wedding invitation on an insert.  I did major eye rolling and promptly threw the invite in the trash.

Post # 28
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor

@futurepilotswife_:  I wore an ivory colored dress, and so did my mom. I didn’t care at all. I had a veil, a long dress with a train, and a groom by my side – I don’t think there was any question about who the bride was. My mom looked absolutely stunning and was really comfortable – which are way more important to me than if it looked like she was crimping my style by wearing white. I really, honestly don’t understand why it’s such a big deal. 

Post # 29
6889 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh for pete’s sake it is not the end of the world if someone else wear’s white to a wedding.  So freaking what.  No one is going to mistake them for the bride. I think people are getting their panties in a bunch for nothing. 

Post # 31
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I think its sick. Id literally have a bridezilla moment if ANYONE came to MY wedding wearing white and I dont care who they are. Its tacky and disrespectful. 

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