Post # 1
I am not down with the ettiquette rules and am fairly averse to tradition, so I am in unfamiliar territory. Fiance’s mother choose a very sappy, sentimental song for the mother/son dance. I really don’t like, in fact it makes me cringe and snicker under my breath when I hear it…., but I won’t say what it is in case somewhere here loves it 🙂 I realize my feelings really don’t matter on the issue but what makes it more of an problem is that the fiance doesn’t like it either. He thinks it is just a fluffy song that has no real meaning to either him or his mom. He had his heart set on a Beatles song since that is a band that has special meaning to his family. Anyway, his mother has picked out the song and has told them that is what she wants and is not listening to any of his ideas. She is making him (and me) feel pretty guilty about it, telling us how much it means to her and how she crys every time she listens to the song. She is convinced that the song has to be about a mother and a son. I wasn’t taking it that literally (the song I chose for me and my dad is not about father-daughter). My fiance is also terribly sentimental so I know he would really love to have the song he orignally chose. I was under the impression that the son chooses the song as a tribute to his mother and the same with the father/daughter dance. Thoughts? It is so funny how you find yourself worrying about things you would never in a million years normally care about when you embark upon weddingmania.
Post # 3
There’s no right or wrong so either can pick it. They’re going to have to compromise on this somehow, but sounds like she is absolutely unwilling to do so. But she is mistaken that it has to be about a mother and son. Not sure how you’d make both happy.
Post # 4
@Ember78: Yeah, I might just make him fight this battle. I’ve got enough on my plate as it is 🙂
Post # 5
I think most grooms defer to the Mom to pick the song. It would be great if they’d agree on it, but I don’t really think it’s worth arguing about. They don’t last too long ( the songs), so I say let her have it. It may be an easier song to dance to than a Beatles song anyway. Let them work it out.
Post # 6
@ItWasntMe: Let them work it out, let them work it ouuuttt Life is very short, and there’s no tiiiiiiiiimmmmeeeee for fussing and fighting my friend……I have always thought, that its a criiiiimmmmeeeeeee so I will ask you once again….
Try to see it my way….~~~ lol Sorry I had to hehe <3
Post # 7
@Hcrab81: If you’re adverse to tradition, then you’re actually on familiar ground — because “mother-son dances” are a modern fashion, not particularly traditional at all. In fact, you could avoid this stress by claiming Tradition! and not having a mother-son dance at all.
As far as etiquette goes, the hostess is supposed to choose all the arrangements that comprise the style of her party, and guests are supposed to make the best of whatever the hostess has arranged. So, if you are the hostess, you can veto your future mother-in-law’s choice. But, as hostess, you are supposed to do everything to care for your guests’ comfort and entertainment — which means taking your future mother-in-law’s wishes into account when you make that decision. You still get to make the final decision, but you also get to live with the consequences.
The consequences of getting into a scrap with your future mother-in-law over something that, in the end, is just weddingmania and doesn’t matter in the greater scheme of things, when you are likely to have to sit across the family Thanksgiving dinner table from her for the next thirty years, can be pretty annoying. Etiquette or hot, your privilege or not, wise accomodation of family dynamics is to leave this up to the two people who will be dancing. But offer them the option that either one of them can always dedicate a song to the other at any point in the evening. It doesn’t have to be a “showcase” dance. Maybe you can have the Beatles song as well. And, maybe you can find a cut-short version of the sappy-cringey song.
Post # 8
If I were you, I’d let Future Mother-In-Law and Fiance figure this one out, regardless of your feelings about the song that ends up being played.
Post # 9
I didn’t touch the mother/son dance at all. It was a dance for my husband and my mother-in-law, so I let them choose. My husband actually let his mom choose because he knew it would mean a lot to her. And if it meant a lot to her, it meant a lot to me, too.
Post # 10
The question isn’t ‘who wants their song choice more?’. The question is ‘Who will never let the other one live it down if they don’t get their way?’
Post # 11
@Gemstone: Yah that’s how I’m doing it- Future Mother-In-Law picked it out but they agreed on it just fine. It’s not a particularly emotional or important song, just one they both liked.
Post # 12
@futuremrsfitz18: The issue isn’t really how I feel about the song, it is the fact that he doesn’t like the song. He came to me for advice and wanted to know if he was within his rights to ask for a different song. I had no idea and thought I would ask here since everyone seems to give such great advice. I fully admit I don’t like the song at all but I’m trying to keep my feelings out of it. Honestly, it probably means so much more to his mother (she is probably one of the most sentimental people I have ever met) so maybe he should let her win this one.
Post # 13
Maybe just let her win this one. It’s such a small fraction of the whole thing where it doesn’t really matter in the end. Plus is it worth the stress over just one song? I guess just let her have her moment with her son. Maybe she is feeling a little emotional with her son getting married.
Post # 14
We danced to “Happy” because my son was thrilled to be marrying his wonderful wife, I was thrilled that HE was thrilled, and I was getting a wonderful DIL.
No one cared.
Go to the Ladies’ Room while they’re dancing and don’t worry about her moment. It’s not worth it.
Wanted to add, my SECOND CHOICE would have been “Blackbird” my absolute favorite Beatles song.
Post # 15
Oh my glob, I need to know what the song is now, though.
Edit: …Just realised this thread is years old. Woops.