Mother/son dance…who chooses it?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

There’s no right or wrong so either can pick it. They’re going to have to compromise on this somehow, but sounds like she is absolutely unwilling to do so. But she is mistaken that it has to be about a mother and son. Not sure how you’d make both happy.

Post # 5
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper

I think most grooms defer to the Mom to pick the song. It would be great if they’d agree on it, but I don’t really think it’s worth arguing about. They don’t last too long ( the songs), so I say let her have it. It may be an easier song to dance to than a Beatles song anyway. Let them work it out.

Post # 6
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@ItWasntMe:  Let them work it out, let them work it ouuuttt  Life is very short, and there’s no tiiiiiiiiimmmmeeeee for fussing and fighting my friend……I have always thought, that its a criiiiimmmmeeeeeee  so I will ask you once again….

 

Try to see it my way….~~~  lol  Sorry I had to hehe <3

Post # 7
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@Hcrab81:  If you’re adverse to tradition, then you’re actually on familiar ground — because “mother-son dances” are a modern fashion, not particularly traditional at all. In fact, you could avoid this stress by claiming Tradition! and not having a mother-son dance at all.

As far as etiquette goes, the hostess is supposed to choose all the arrangements that comprise the style of her party, and guests are supposed to make the best of whatever the hostess has arranged. So, if you are the hostess, you can veto your future mother-in-law’s choice. But, as hostess, you are supposed to do everything to care for your guests’ comfort and entertainment — which means taking your future mother-in-law’s wishes into account when you make that decision. You still get to make the final decision, but you also get to live with the consequences.

The consequences of getting into a scrap with your future mother-in-law over something that, in the end, is just weddingmania and doesn’t matter in the greater scheme of things, when you are likely to have to sit across the family Thanksgiving dinner table from her for the next thirty years, can be pretty annoying. Etiquette or hot, your privilege or not, wise accomodation of family dynamics is to leave this up to the two people who will be dancing. But offer them the option that either one of them can always dedicate a song to the other at any point in the evening. It doesn’t have to be a “showcase” dance. Maybe you can have the Beatles song as well. And, maybe you can find a cut-short version of the sappy-cringey song.

Post # 8
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If I were you, I’d let Future Mother-In-Law and Fiance figure this one out, regardless of your feelings about the song that ends up being played.

Post # 9
Hostess
16215 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I didn’t touch the mother/son dance at all. It was a dance for my husband and my mother-in-law, so I let them choose. My husband actually let his mom choose because he knew it would mean a lot to her. And if it meant a lot to her, it meant a lot to me, too.

Post # 10
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

The question isn’t ‘who wants their song choice more?’.  The question is ‘Who will never let the other one live it down if they don’t get their way?’  

Post # 11
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Gemstone:  Yah that’s how I’m doing it- Future Mother-In-Law picked it out but they agreed on it just fine.  It’s not a particularly emotional or important song, just one they both liked.

Post # 13
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Maybe just let her win this one. It’s such a small fraction of the whole thing where it doesn’t really matter in the end. Plus is it worth the stress over just one song? I guess just let her have her moment with her son. Maybe she is feeling a little emotional with her son getting married.

Post # 14
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee

We danced to “Happy” because my son was thrilled to be marrying his wonderful wife, I was thrilled that HE was thrilled, and I was getting a wonderful DIL.

No one cared.

Go to the Ladies’ Room while they’re dancing and don’t worry about her moment. It’s not worth it.

Wanted to add, my SECOND CHOICE would have been “Blackbird” my absolute favorite Beatles song.

Post # 15
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

Oh my glob, I need to know what the song is now, though. tongue-outwink

 

Edit: …Just realised this thread is years old. Woops.

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