(Closed) Motherzilla…calling vendors without talking to me

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
46965 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Pearls.and.Peonies:  It’s next to impossible to change our parents. I would simply notify your vendors and venue to deal with no one other then the two of you.

Post # 3
2510 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree. Let all vendors know that they should only pass on information/talk to you or your fiancé. At the end of the day, it’s your day and if you don’t have everything done then it isn’t her problem. Not saying you won’t have it all together, I think you will, but that’s for you two to worry about. 

Post # 4
111 posts
Blushing bee

Pearls.and.Peonies:  Yep, let vendors know that they’re only to deal with you. If your mom puts a deposit on anything that you didn’t approve, that’s her fault and you’re not responsible.

You should maybe talk to your mom about other things she CAN plan. Has she considered throwing you a bridal shower? Are you letting your parents pay for the rehearsal dinner? Maybe she could throw a post-wedding brunch for out-of-town guests and the newlyweds? Maybe say “mom, I really appreciate all this, but you have to stop. Maybe you can plan this event instead?”


Post # 5
2691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Agree with PPs, let all your vendors know that they are to deal only with you and your Fiance. Talk to your Mom and see if she can plan another event such as the rehersal dinner, post-wedding brunch, bridal shower, ect.

Post # 6
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015 - On a Cliff Overlooking the Bay, Florida


Pearls.and.Peonies:   My vendors specifically asked me who they could talk to, make changes, add stuff etc. I would let your vendors know if she called they can tell her they are not authorized to speak to her.

 My mom keeps trying to “Help” also but I’m done with planning with 4.5 months to go and I keep telling her no that’s done, “well maybe I could find you this”….No mom that’s done also. I told her if she wanted to get with my Future Mother-In-Law they could host 1 shower for they friends / wedding guest and my girls could host my other shower for coworkers / friends.

Post # 7
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

sounds like shes feeling left out of the planning process. i know you’ve said you’ve taken her dress shopping and looking at venues, but i think she’s left with too much time on her hands and nothing too do. as the other bees said, give her a job – specific to her and her alone. let her make the calls 100% – whether its a party, the favors or booking your limo ride whatever – i think she just wants to feel like shes actually contributed to your wedding. oh and yes, let the vendors know to ONLY deal with you. 

Post # 8
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Tell her to let you do this, this is your wedding and you will let her know if you need help with something. This will continue if you let it, long past your wedding. Let your banquet hall and vendors know that they aren’t to speak to anyone besides you or the groom (and coordinator, if you have one) about planning details. The way she’s going behind your back is disrespectful of your choices. Maybe letting her know how it makes you feel when she goes over your head will help.

Post # 9
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I agree with telling the vendors to only deal with you and your Fiance. I would also tell your mom again to leave it to you though she may still want to do stuff. You could also say you want it to be a surprise for her, or give her ONE task that she can be responsible for if that will distract her enough.

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