Post # 1
So I need to vent.
I got an email from my reception hall saying, “Hey, your mother had called us and was asking about caterers, hotel blocking etc. Could you forward this info to her? I accidently deleted her number.” To which I flipped out instantly and wanted to punch a wall.
First of all, I’ve REPEATEDLY told my mom that we’ve been doing tastings and that we found a caterer. Secondly, we told her we wanted to find the hotel WE LIKED and that WE would put up the blocks. My dad has also told me she’s started calling hotels, despite telling her to lay off.
Another point: my fiancé and I are paying for our wedding. Every cent. We are not asking our parents for any help. If we were asking, I’d be more understanding to let her make a couple decisions. But we’re not.
I work a professional job, and go to grad school part time, yet my mom has always struggled to trust me with anything. She thinks we are behind on wedding planning, but I feel we are pretty on schedule (Wedding is in 7 months- I have my dress, bridesmaid dresses ordered, venues, DJ, and photog booked, started marriage prep classes). My dad suggested to give her something to plan, but now that we’re at the fun “detail planning” stage my fiancé and I agreed we wanted to make the rest of the decisions.
I should also note, she has been part of the wedding process. She looked at wedding venues with us, and went dress shopping with me. I’ve told her I would let her know if we needed any help, yet she still went and called our reception hall. I would really appreciate any advice since now I’m at wit’s end…..
Post # 2
Pearls.and.Peonies: It’s next to impossible to change our parents. I would simply notify your vendors and venue to deal with no one other then the two of you.
Post # 3
I agree. Let all vendors know that they should only pass on information/talk to you or your fiancé. At the end of the day, it’s your day and if you don’t have everything done then it isn’t her problem. Not saying you won’t have it all together, I think you will, but that’s for you two to worry about.
Post # 4
Pearls.and.Peonies: Yep, let vendors know that they’re only to deal with you. If your mom puts a deposit on anything that you didn’t approve, that’s her fault and you’re not responsible.
You should maybe talk to your mom about other things she CAN plan. Has she considered throwing you a bridal shower? Are you letting your parents pay for the rehearsal dinner? Maybe she could throw a post-wedding brunch for out-of-town guests and the newlyweds? Maybe say “mom, I really appreciate all this, but you have to stop. Maybe you can plan this event instead?”
Post # 5
Agree with PPs, let all your vendors know that they are to deal only with you and your FI. Talk to your Mom and see if she can plan another event such as the rehersal dinner, post-wedding brunch, bridal shower, ect.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2015 - On a Cliff Overlooking the Bay, Florida
Pearls.and.Peonies: My vendors specifically asked me who they could talk to, make changes, add stuff etc. I would let your vendors know if she called they can tell her they are not authorized to speak to her.
My mom keeps trying to “Help” also but I’m done with planning with 4.5 months to go and I keep telling her no that’s done, “well maybe I could find you this”….No mom that’s done also. I told her if she wanted to get with my FMIL they could host 1 shower for they friends / wedding guest and my girls could host my other shower for coworkers / friends.
Post # 7
sounds like shes feeling left out of the planning process. i know you’ve said you’ve taken her dress shopping and looking at venues, but i think she’s left with too much time on her hands and nothing too do. as the other bees said, give her a job – specific to her and her alone. let her make the calls 100% – whether its a party, the favors or booking your limo ride whatever – i think she just wants to feel like shes actually contributed to your wedding. oh and yes, let the vendors know to ONLY deal with you.
Post # 8
Tell her to let you do this, this is your wedding and you will let her know if you need help with something. This will continue if you let it, long past your wedding. Let your banquet hall and vendors know that they aren’t to speak to anyone besides you or the groom (and coordinator, if you have one) about planning details. The way she’s going behind your back is disrespectful of your choices. Maybe letting her know how it makes you feel when she goes over your head will help.
Post # 9
I agree with telling the vendors to only deal with you and your FI. I would also tell your mom again to leave it to you though she may still want to do stuff. You could also say you want it to be a surprise for her, or give her ONE task that she can be responsible for if that will distract her enough.
Post # 10
Thanks guys- I really appreciate all the comments. I did call the reception hall right after I got their email and asked that they only talk to myself or FI, and they completely agreed.
I’m thinking of offering to let her plan the brunch after the wedding. Another side to this is that my mom gets stressed out with planning events–graduation parties at our house were a nightmare. Unfortunately it’s somewhat of a lose-lose; either she gets upset that she can’t be in control or she gets overwhelmed with everything. But seriously guys, thanks so much!!!