Post # 1
We were engaged and planning our wedding but we had been fighting over everything. It began due to family problems but the stress trickled down to even minor matters.
I asked him for a break about 20 days ago and he said we should work on our problems rather than running away. However I was overwhelmed and tired and temporarily moved out. He was absolutely livid that I left without talking it through with him.
I thought giving him space and taking a break would make us think about what’s important and stop bickering over small things.
In hindsight I realize I overreacted because we’ve had a loving, healthy relationship barring the last two or three months. I missed him terribly and in the first week to ten days, he called me three times asking if I could move back and if we could talk.
However, when I phoned him, he was very cold. I asked him if I could move back in and he said yes but when I asked if we were still together and getting married, he said that he wanted to be honest with me and that after what happened he’s not sure.
Should I move back or wait seeing he’s not sure? I have been living with my sister since I left our home.
Just to make it clear: I had moved in with him into his house and we were engaged.
Post # 2
kara71 : I would be LIVID if my partner moved out rather than face reality and work through our issues, I don’t blame him for questioning the wedding. I would probably move back in and start having some very serious conversations about where things are headed, I’d probably put the wedding planning on hold until you guys figure things out.
Post # 3
There’s a third option here. You don’t have to move in with him to have a series of conversations with him and work on the original issues, and that’s what probably needs to happen at this point. It seems like you’ve been separated verbally during this time as well, and if that’s the case, it’s likely nothing has really changed yet. Take it slow. Make sure you are both secure in the relationship before jumping back on the cohabitation/engagement train. Otherwise, I can see this getting messy.
Post # 4
I would dump you if I were him.
Post # 5
I would be livid if I was him. I’m sure he’s scared that you would do this again. It’s going to be a long time before you can reestablish trust with him. I think it would be important to take some steps to show that you have changed and that you will do things differently next time. What is going to stop you from running away next time things get tough? They will get tough again at some point—that’s just how life is.
Post # 6
You can’t seriously be expecting to just move back in and pick back up where you left off with wedding planning like nothing ever happened after you moved out for 3 weeks. He has every right to not trust you and to be seriously reconsidering the relationship at this point.
Post # 7
Yeah if I was him, once you unilaterally made the decision to move out and not talk about our issues, I would’ve made the break a permanent break up. Don’t really have much advice for you other than to think about what your actions have shown him about how you deal with stress and respond to difficult situations and think of how you can prove to him you won’t respond the same way in the future if he even gives you the chance to prove yourself.
Post # 8
I don’t want to be harsh or pile on, but you were so out of line, it’s no wonder he was cold. I’m surprised he’s still willing to have you move back at all TBH!
Post # 9
kara71 : i understand your reasoning. You were hoping it would cool things off and you’d run back into eachothers arms like Steve and Miranda on Sex and the city.
But a break or cool down time is a day, MAYBE a few at a relatives/friends house. But to actually “move out” for that extended period of time is major.
I would be really upset too. I dont know about moving home because honestly, it may be worse. He is bitter and scared you will do it again. You need to have some major talks like tonight.
Have some dinner, have some wine and talk. Be honest and open and apologize and try your best to let him know you were wrong and wont ever do that again. This talk may span multiple nights – this isnt something that can be resolved so easily. if you guys seem to be in a good place after all this, and he still wants you to move in, then things may work out.
But you might want to cool it on the planning for a while.
Post # 10
L606 : I know I shouldn’t have left without thinking it through.
And I worry that if I don’t move back in, he might not believe me that I want to talk and serious about working through our problems together.
I’ll ask him if I can pop in for dinner tonight, before moving back in.
Post # 11
Before you speak with him think about what needs to happen for you to not end up at each other’s throats again. Counseling, for example, individually or together?
I don’t blame him for being cold or hesitant. Are you comfortable with putting wedding planning on hold until your relationship is on solid ground?
Post # 12
Hi, bee. I understand your bf’s reservations. You may have to give him some time. I would definitely recommend some serious talks about your future before you move back in with him. You might even want to “date” a little while before you move back to his house. I agree with PP that you may have to wait on wedding planning for a while.
Post # 13
Yeah sorry but I’d be done. I think you’re going to have to do some work from afar talking with him and working through things.
Post # 14
I think your urge to move back in to prove to him that you’re serious is misguided. The reassurance your boyfriend needs would be better communicated through you taking the issues that culminated in you leaving seriously and making sure he knows that you are not resuming this relationship the way you left it, on a whim.
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
kara71 : Bad judgement call on YOUR behalf IMO. A marraige is all about working things out because trust me it’s not going to always be easy, you are going to hit some really rough patches. You have already showed him that you are not capable of facing your problems together and that you’d rather run. I understand why he’s questioning marriage with you, you simply can not do that especially if you plan to get married.