Move back in with fiance or wait?

posted 3 months ago in Engagement
Post # 16
3060 posts
Sugar bee

kara71 :  If he really wants you to move home and seems to be getting more upset that you still havent, go back home.

You have a lot to work on, but if you continuing being gone is going to hinder any talks/chance of reconciliation, then move back home. 

Just understand it may be tense for a while, but you have to give it time. And REALLY put in effort to make him feel secure. Besides the talks which is going to be the most important part, do little things for him like make breakfast, give him a massage, buy tickets for something you think he might like etc. 

Maybe premarital counseling might be good. Address the issues that got you here in the first place. 

Post # 19
339 posts
Helper bee

That was an ill-judged decision that clearly backfired because you pushed your SO away.

Meet him first and see how it goes before you decide when to move back in.


Post # 20
233 posts
Helper bee

kara71 :  I dont blame him… you need to put this wedding on hold and work on your issues and grow up.


Post # 21
329 posts
Helper bee

You’re fortunate you have a second chance at this; don’t waste it. He obviously still loves you and wants it to work, or else he wouldn’t agree that you could move back and live with him again.

Apologise when you meet him and talk about the issues that you were running away from. Then, if the need arises, seek counselling.


Post # 24
6828 posts
Busy Beekeeper

“If I have no other option, I would agree to delaying the wedding but it is mostly booked and we were planning and arranging smaller details relating to our wedding and reception and we don’t have a lot of time”

Please don’t say this to your fi. It will come off like you’re trying to guilt him into staying because theres $$ paid. That is not fair to him. Maybe go ahead and book a pre-marital appointment so you can bring that to him to show that you’re serious. If he doesnt want to go you can use it solo. 

Post # 25
631 posts
Busy bee

I’m honestly blown away at how much you just sabotaged your relationship. And you don’t seem to really grok the magnitude of the damage. If you did, you’d get why wedding planning might need to get put on pause, no matter now much money you’ll lose – you actually just LEFT your fiance when the going got tough. That’s literally the opposite of what your vows will be.

Post # 27
1219 posts
Bumble bee

kara71 :  maybe you should have thought about that before you just took off.

You have no business getting married right now. You acted very immaturely and he has serious doubts about your relationship. And now you’re trying to sweep it under the rug and rush things along so you can have the party you want on schedule. That’s messed up.

Surely you can put the party on hold and focus on your relationship for once.  Get your priorities straight 

Post # 30
837 posts
Busy bee

So, I feel completely opposite about this than the other Bees. We don’t have any right to judge OP’s actions, we’re only getting a few sentences and a general picture of what went on. In her words she ‘temporarily’ moved out. She didn’t leave permanently, break a lease, sell a house. She didn’t break up and cheat. She was feeling overwhelmed, tired and needed a mental break to process everything. Her fiancé sounds like a nice guy, but we don’t know their dynamic, we don’t know that he didn’t contribute to her feeling like she had no choice but to leave. It could very well be he was hounding her constantly about their relationship, their problems, who knows what. And just because he’s ‘livid’ that she took a mental break does NOT mean she needs to go groveling back to him.

If this was posed another way, say the OP posted that her and her fiancé were constantly fighting and she felt like she needed to remove herself from the situation for a week or 2 so everyone could breathe, I doubt anyone would be suggesting she stay and fight it out. 

Bee – if removing yourself from a toxic situation so you could take a breath and re-evaluate was what you needed, then good for you! Just because your fiancé didn’t want you to go doesn’t mean you need to ‘make it up to him’ or you were in the wrong. If you feel like going back is a good option, go for it, with the understanding that you are willing to work on things and seek help if needed.

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