Move back in with fiance or wait?

posted 3 months ago in Engagement
Post # 46
Member
837 posts
Busy bee

anonbee123123 :  I never implied she was perfect – there are probably little things that could have been handled better. She told him she needed space and he repeatedly called her, disrespecting her boundaries, that doesn’t sound great either.

Post # 48
Member
837 posts
Busy bee

kara71 :  Bee – when you left, did you just disappear and ghost him without any explanation whatsoever? Or did you tell him what you needed, where you were going etc? I find it hard to believe it’s the 1st option as everyone else suggests. If it is……well, I still think you were right to take the break you needed, but ignoring him isn’t very nice either.

Just because she hasn’t given us every single detail for the past 2 months doesn’t mean we should automatically assume the worst.

Post # 49
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

kara71 :  What were your exact words to him? Did you say temporaily or did you say you needed a break? Both have an open time line.

Post # 50
Member
437 posts
Helper bee

You moved out for 3 weeks and didn’t even contact him during that time? 

That’s how someone behaves when they want to end a relationship and ghosts their partner, not how someone who wants to work on issues in the relationship behaves.

If he agrees to get back together with you the wedding needs to be postponed indefinitely until you learn how to deal with conflict in a mature and adult manner, because abandonment like that isn’t ok in a relationship and especially not in a marriage.

Post # 55
Member
6792 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I thought you said your issues were related to your family, how does being away from HIM help resolve stress from them?

“I needed space and we should spend some time apart to reflect”

That sounds pretty ominious. If someone said that to me, I’d assume a breakup was right after.

Post # 58
Member
437 posts
Helper bee

So what are you expecting to happen? When is the wedding currently scheduled for? Do you really think that you’re ready for marriage? 

Post # 59
Member
6792 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I also edited my last post. But if you think you need to set boundaries with your families, its not too late! Especially if you want to get back together and work on things. You don’t have to elaborate what the specific issues are, but family issues don’t tend to just fade away once the wedding is done. Perhaps along with the counselling appointment, you can come up with some ideas on boundaries and share with him so that going forward you guys can be a united front. 

Post # 60
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

kara71 :  Oh bee, well you know what you did wrong so that’s good. But you have to work on the original problem and now this problem and now your problem as to why you leave if things get stressful. That’s a lot of things that you have to work on.

From his point of view he is problary thinking 1. Your just up an leaving without anytime line. 2. You didn’t even discuss why your leaving. and 3. Are you going to up and leave when things get stressful again, because they will. How can he depend on you to be a team player when it’s just him? Marriage takes two people not one. Before you guys get married you are going to have to prove to him that you are all in, when something gets stressful you can’t just run like you did. I am sure at one point or another some of us wanted to run, but we stayed because that’s what we do as a married couple. We have each other’s back’s. Imagine how stressed he was when you left without warning, without letting him know if or when you would be back home. Definatly get yourself into therepy bee to help you cope with stress. It will definatly help you.

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