Move back in with fiance or wait?

posted 3 months ago in Engagement
Post # 106
Member
551 posts
Busy bee

needmorewine :  I totally agree that her fiance’s needs should be in the picture, and hopefully that is something they will address in therapy. It may be that during the course of the next couple of weeks they will both come to the conclusion that the wedding needs to be postponed for the sake of the relationship—a conclusion that I personally agree with, but again, it’s not my life. I was reacting more to the micro-managing attitude that seemed to be coming out of some of the previous comments, it just seemed like a little much.

Post # 108
Member
207 posts
Helper bee

kara71 :  OK. Hope he is actually comfortable with sticking to that date and not feeling under pressure to do it. It just seems very soon.

Post # 109
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

chiara :  you should probably repeat yourself three or four more times just to be absolutely sure that your opinion has been heard… 

Post # 110
Member
837 posts
Busy bee

sassy411 : chocco :  My feelings exactly – this isn’t the friendly environment it used to be a couple years ago. There are a few ‘regulars’ lately who feel the need to make negative and ridiculously assumptive comments on many different threads. Hoping they get bored and move on soon….

Post # 111
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

chiara :  I don’t he’d say he’s ready if he wasn’t. It’s a major decision. 

Post # 113
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee

sboom :  that poster has a valid point though. Her fiance might be okaying the date because he’s worried she’ll leave him again if she gets upset with him for asking to postpone the wedding.

Still some time to October if you act now though.

Post # 114
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee

saturnian :  I agree. I don’t think PP said it to be a downer, I think it’s a legitimate concern here.

OP- how much time are you going to devote to therapy to decide if you guys can fix this relationship? What if there is no improvement up to the week before the wedding? 

What if he backs out? 

I’m not pointing these out just for funsies. I think these are some really serious issues and it’s not a good idea to try to rush through therapy with a wedding timeline looming. 

You could get married and have all the same issues. And abandonment/leaving when things get tough is devastating.

Getting married is not the end goal. Figuring out if he can trust you and if you can come back from this should be the priority. I think it’s disappointing that you’re still trying to rush the relationship through to a major milestone without taking a long pause to really evaluate if you even should get married. I think you’re not taking it as seriously as you could be. 

Just be aware that the possibility is there that he could realize after therapy that too much damage is done.

I hope it works out, but you are on very shaky ground right now and I wouldn’t advise you to get married at this time even though it’s not what you want to hear. Good luck 

Post # 116
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee

kara71 :  okay I understand. Well in that case I wish you the best and hope it all works out 

Post # 117
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee

 

saturnian :  He would know her better than we do and vice versa. Seeing that she is getting help now must have encouraged him to change his mind following the initial phone conversation.  

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