(Closed) Move in before engagement??!

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 107
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

jellibean:  

TBH, I get that impression, too.

I’ve got no problem with people taking time away. Fishing trips, business trips, vacations with family, whatever. Five days of cold shoulder is totally different from that. I’m inclined to believe it was the former, since he did tell you ahead of time that he needed some space.

Sure, I’m a Christian so cohabitation was off the table for us. But I’m savvy enough to recognize how the world turns. Some people feel the need to cohabitate for all manner of reasons. His seem odd to me. 1) his current flatmmates suck 2) he doesn’t like only seeing you once during the work week and once or twice on the weekends (but won’t suggest more weekly dinners together? pfft) 3) did he even give you any other reasons?

Anyway, I would beware the man who is telling me that he finds me wonderful and that I tick all of his boxes but that he’s also willing to walk away from me if I don’t walk into his home/lease right now? especially if he’s also telling me that he’s possibly unsure of marriage at all? while marriage is an important life goal for me? Yeah, no. Just no. That’s an inconsistency that I’d want to reconcile, and it has nothing to do with my faith system in God but my faith in my Boyfriend or Best Friend and his rationale.

Just my $0.02.

 

Post # 108
Member
2001 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

jellibean:  ” I know he has not gotten in touch the last few days, but I believe it is becuase he is now seriously considering marriage. Scary …”

 

Dont be scared or kid yourself, he won’t be proposing anything but a possible future proposal. Sure he’ll try to make it more attractive sounding to you but it will be the same old, now that you’ve had a chance to miss him you may be more amenable. Don’t agree to anything and then when you’re by yourself think about what he said and what exactly did he really offer you? 



 

 

 

Post # 109
Member
4246 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

jellibean:  We broke up.  We had many other issues, but that was something we could not get around.  I told him there was no way I would move in without a ring, he told me there was no way he would propose to me until he lived with me.  We were at an impasse for a LONG time, until everything else caught up with us and we realized we couldn’t pretend it was all ok anymore.

I get being afraid of getting more serious with someone, but if you’re not careful I feel like he will come up with all sorts of excuses.

Post # 110
Member
280 posts
Helper bee

I lived with my ex and I learned so much about being in a live together relationship. I think living together is a fantastic idea. I understand where your coming from too. But if you could, try to think of it as an important step in your relationship. It’s easy for a vacation to be happy and easy without every day stressors but before you make a forever commitment you should know how you mesh, does he like to come home and work on a hobby while you’d rather spend time togethe? Does he make the bed, leave his underwear all over, clean at all? And how can you handle all of that, are you ok with it or are you just saying your ok because you love him. 

Living together is great it is an ultimate relationship test. Here is my compromise suggestion: 

 

explain how important it is to be engaged to you and either

get engaged and set a wedding date 2-3 years or so out with NO PLANNING in that first year. At any point the plug can be pulled. 

Or-

would a promise ring scratch your itch for a minuite? If so, tell him that but tell him that 1 year from when you first move into your place together you want to re evaluate. That the promise is only good for so long and after that things need to be reconsidered. 

Post # 111
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

If it means that much to you to be engaged before moving in then by all means STICK TO IT. if he wants you everyday he can man up and propose. Living together before marriage and engagement is a luxury (and imo an engagement delayer) and not a necessity. He shouldn’t force you into that. That isn’t called a compromise if it involves doing something you do not want to do. Stand your ground and don’t give in. If he doesn’t respect your desires then he isn’t actually totally sure about you and you wouldn’t want to risk living with him and then have him have his “test run” and decide he doesn’t want you. Hopefully he will man up and realize what must be done if he wants to live with you or he will be okay with living separate until he’s ready for engagement. Otherwise, he’s not truly wanting to be with you. Stick to your values and the right events will fall into place! 

Post # 112
Member
1709 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Garden

DONT live with him before the engagement. It’s too risky. Things happen if you do. I mean it. You guys will start to be more. “Intimate” if you know what I mean and then you’ll start regretting it. My FH wanted us to live togethera month before he wedding but as much as we live each other we asked our parents to see what their opinions were. They both said no. Only because like i said thingswhen you’re alone. I would understand if you guys were engaged bu t to me I think a year is too soon to move in.

I’m a virgin of 24 years yeah yeah I know….too old to be a virgin! And my FH respects that of me and wanting each other in that way can destroy the relationship. So we decided to not live together to be safe. He lived with his ex and he was pressured to sleep with her (because he thought he loved her and that she was the one) ended up cheating on him. They were engaged. They moved out of the state and a couple of months before the wedding she kicked him out of the house. (Did I mention his house) and since then he decided to go on a different approach if he were to be engaged to someone again. Me yay!!!! 

So….long story short just don’t marry get. To me its too soon. You follow your heart. Dont be pressured to rdo anything you don’t want to do. It’s not going to be pretty when it doesn’t go your way or his.

Post # 113
Member
1709 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Garden

Yucky typos…..

Post # 114
Member
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

princessbee1991:   wow  really a virgin?  Or one of those “virgins” lol  that have done just about eveerrrything else cept for actual vag penetrationl?

Admirable If  you’ve reached 24 and have really abstained the whole time from any sex!

Op , I would wait to move in until you’re more sure of his intentions. 

Post # 115
Member
1709 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Garden

mrstodd2bee:  it’s tempting ha-ha.  😉 don’t think for a sec I didn’t think about it. If you will I’m a whore in my mind excuse my language

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