Post # 1
I posted a few minutes ago but I was deleted for some reason…? Not sure why, but here it goes again.
Hi Bees, DH found out we were pregnant and are so excited about our first baby. We are currently renting a one bedroom apartment in a great area, but received notice that rental prices have gone up (which is what we expected.) A two bedroom in our complex is around $1200, which is quite pricey considering it is a small apartment unit. DH brought up the idea of moving back in with his mother who currently lives about 5 minutes away when our lease is up in February to pay off our car loans and save a bit before the baby. Once our car loans are paid off, we’ll have a bit more disposable income. I was for the idea at first (short term sacrifice for long term gain is what I considered), until recently. My Mother-In-Law is going through a nasty divorce with my Father-In-Law, and any association we have with Father-In-Law makes her very upset, self-conscious, and angry. Both my ILs are acting childish about the divorce and unknowingly putting the kids in the middle, which makes my husband very upset. I fear that we would be surrounded 24/7 by this negative energy if their divorce is not final by February. On top of this, the house is a complete mess. She is a chronic shopper (dare I say hoarder) and the spare bedroom is literally filled to the roof with boxes of stuff. Her bedroom is filled, too, with the only accessible part the area in her bed where she sleeps. Boxes take up about half the kitchen and I haven’t seen their dining room table in about a year. The clutter makes me anxious, though she swears it will all be cleaned up before we move back in.
Saturday I had an emergency ultrasound after bleeding (I had a miscarriage in October so it was best to get it checked out) and things were looking fine. My scheduled U/S was today, which I received and happily sent pictures and updates to my Mother-In-Law. She called me and said that frequent ultrasounds couldn’t be good for the baby and that was probably why so many kids have autism now (what?!) I told her my doctor said it was fine and she said that I ought to be careful. I hung up angry and really concerned that she would try to micromanage my entire pregnancy and give advice where it isn’t welcome; my Mother-In-Law is very opinionated and very much believes it is her way or the highway with her beliefs.
As much as this would drive me crazy, we would be saving so much money before the baby and would have so much more debt paid off, as well as a puffier savings account. We could afford rent in the $1200 range but it would be tight before we pay off our cars and have some more disposable income to cushion the increased price. I’ve started looking at small single family homes in that price range that are in areas of town not quite as nice as ours and have found a couple that could work.
Bees, what would you do? Suck it up for a few months for financial reasons or live broke with sanity in tact?
Post # 2
If I were in your shoes I’d live broke with sanity intact. The last thing you need now is stress and you know
you’ll get it with Mother-In-Law. Try everything else you possibly can to reduce expenses. *HUGS*
Post # 3
Is renting a 1 bedroom until the baby is 1+ an option? Babies don’t need a nursery. There is no way I would live with a nosy hoarder for a couple grand.
Post # 4
I tried to post but it seems to be eaten by the interwebz. Anyways – if she has until feb to get shit together, I would give her the chance BUT have a backup in place. having kids + mountains of debt imo is NOT a great idea and Id do everything I could to give my kids the best chance. So I, personally, would consider it, for a short term thing, provided all the ‘conditions’ ar emet.
Post # 5
It’s a trap!! NEVER move in with you in-laws!
Post # 6
Thank you for your comment! We live rather frugally as is, but it’s a waiting game for our incomes to increase much more. I’m a teacher working on my masters which will see a very small raise when I finish and DH just started at a new company 18 months ago and will have to work his way up. Our debt is the killer, mostly student loans (in deferrment for the time being while I’m back in school), car loans (we owe less than $4k combined for 2 cars so this will be gone soon), and some credit card debt.
Thanks for the response, I actually did consider staying in our current 1 bedroom or finding another 1 bedroom. Our current unit is 500 square feet and is already feeling very cramped with DH, myself, and our dog, so I just fear where we would even put things for the baby. It is a bit noisy too (especially our neighbors) and have woken us up from sleep before; I don’t know if it would affect the baby’s sleeping at all. I figured for a few extra hundred dollars, a larger 2 bedroom home with an actual yard for the dog would be so wonderful, but I’m certainly not set on that being our only option. I will see if there are any larger 1 bedrooms in different areas!
Post # 8
Sanity is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY more important- rent, don’t move in with the Mother-In-Law.
Post # 9
Thank you for taking the time to respond despite the Internet’s consumption of your previous post! 🙂 The alternative plan is exactly what scares me; rentals in our area are generally scooped up quickly, and it makes me nervous having no where to go if it doesn’t work out with my Mother-In-Law.
My mother gave me the same advice. :/ I’m starting to wonder if there is something to it, or if I should just suck it up for the financial gains…
Post # 10
Whats your deadline to re-sign your lease? Is it like, Jan 1 for Feb 1?
If you don’t want to move in with Mother-In-Law (which I totally understand), I would stay in your current place for another year and continue to chip away at the debt.
Post # 11
If you had a great relationship with your Mother-In-Law and plenty of space in the house, possibly. But an opinionated Mother-In-Law with a stressful divorce and a horrendously cluttered house (don’t kid yourself that she will suddenly be tidy)? Nooooo waaaaayyy! Definitely not…
Post # 12
Broke with sanity intact, absolutely!
The only situation in which i would consider moving in with the Mother-In-Law would be if the only alternative was living on the street.
Post # 13
Thanks for your reply! I technically put in my request to not renew; I am unsure if it is possible to modify my notice. I could ask our leasing office tomorrow.
Post # 14
The Bee seems to be freaking out. It just ate my response too. Which is probably for the best because there were waaaaay too many capital letters in my first message. I needed to take a breath and dial it back!
Do not move into a house with a nosy negative shopaholic hoarder. The impact to your well being and your relationship will NOT be worth it. I promise you. And it runs the risk of negatively impacting your first year of mothering.
Post # 15
Youre better off in a noisy but clean 500 sq foot apartment than surrounded by conspiracy theories about pregnancy and hoarde.
where will the dog go in a hoarder’s house. And no, the hoarde won’t be gone by the time you move in.
The hoarde will never diminish; only increase. Esp with emotional distress, save for a divine intervention.