Post # 1
I would like some opinions on this situation. I have lived in the same one-family home for my whole life. I attempted to move out on my own 3 years ago, but decided to go to graduate school instead (I’m graduating in May! ) My fiance lives in a very nice garden complex in a one-bedroom apartment on the second floor. The couple below us just moved out which I’m so happy about because they constantly slammed the main door we share as if they were trying to take it off the hinges. I used to say I can’t wait for us to get a different apartment because they slam that door like crazy.
Now the other thing stopping me from wanting to stay at my fiance’s apt is that we cannot have a dog, and he knows how much I want one. His lease is up in April, and he’d have to be in his new apt by May 1st.
Should I just move into his apartment and sacrifice not having a dog for some time? I’m starting to wonder how much of apartment living I’m going to be able to take considering I am not used to it. There is that part of me that wants us to have “OUR” very first apt, and not me moving into his. He has made his place mine and said I can do anything and everything to it in terms of making it look like a home and not a bachelor pad.
I feel like it makes so much sense to just live there for at least a year or until we have a house. I haven’t even thought of when I’d be rushing to move my things because I wouldn’t want him to live in a new apt in May without me since I’d be the one basically making him switch apts.
I”m wondering if it’s best to not get a dog right away and focus on being a wife. I come from a family where food is on the table when you walk in the door. This is going to be a big change for me.
So should I just move into his place, save money, and perhaps be ready for a house within a year or two,, or should we start fresh in a new apt that takes dogs? I know he’s fine either way and would want me to make the decision.
Post # 3
I think you can best answer this yourself with a list, writing each scenario down, and the pros and cons to each 🙂
What’s most important?
Focusing on being a wife? Or getting a dog?
Adjusting to apartment life knowing it’s not forever shouldn’t be an issue. My husband and I have great time together and dinner’s ready by 6, the dog is walked, etc. If those things are important to you, you will make sure everything’s taken care of to your liking.
Depending on the breed of dog you want and how you want to get that dog, some good breeder’s have waiting lists of a year+ for the right pup for you -your timing to live without a dog could work out in your favour if a breeder dog was what you wanted. I wouldn’t worry about “our first apartment”, you’re going to have a home you will own together and that will be a very big first that will trump any apartment I think, but again -your call and pride in that is what matters!
Post # 4
So you and your fiance have never lived together? If not, I would focus on living together before throwing a dog into the mix. Move into his apartment, save some money, and get used to life as a married couple. Owning a dog is a HUGE responsibility, and you have a lot of big changes to work through in the next few months. Granted, they are exciting changes, but it’s still a lot to take in.
Post # 5
Moving in with someone when you’re used to a certain way of life is really stressful. So is having a puppy. I would do one at a time. Get comfortable in your situation having a new ‘roommate’ and make a ‘home’ for the 2 of you, and then when you have gotten settled in, bring in your new family member. It would save you a lot of stress piling on at once. I would definitely move in, save the money, build your relationship together, and start creating your life. Those are forever. Then get the puppy together.
Post # 6
I agree with what everyone has said so far. SO and I moved in together after dating for almost 2 years, and then after a few months adopted 2 kittens. We also want a dog, but we want an Irish Wolfhound so needless to say that won’t happen until we own a house with a nice big yard and plenty of running space for him. Cats are different than a dog, but we still took a couple months to just adapt to living together in OUR new apartment (I’ve lived with him during summer breaks from college in his rented room before, but this time it’s actually our place and I have enough space for my stuff as well). And, I can say that the kitties made us into much more of a family (we call each other “mommy” and “daddy” when it comes to them nowadays), they have also brought more responsibility and sometimes arguments (who is going to clean the litter box tonight?). I’d say move in with him first, especially since you’re engaged, and get used to living together. Then you can assess when is the right time to get a puppy. But dogs are different than cats, so if you want more than a maltese-sized dog I’d say wait until you have a home and some space for him/her to run around.
Post # 7
@Bostongrl25: Thank you so much, and what you said made so much sense. I only spend Saturday night there and a lot over the summer since I’m off, but it is going to be a huge adjustment for me. I’ll hold off on the puppy and new apt.
Post # 8
@squeak: Thank you for your advice. I don’t want to rush into anything that will put more added stress on the already stressful person that I am. I’ll stick to my stuffed animal dogs for now.