Move with newborn? Or wait 8 months to TTC? WWYD?

posted 2 years ago in TTC
  • poll: TTC now or in 8 months?
    Just get it started, convenience be damned : (39 votes)
    72 %
    just wait! Its only 8 months. : (15 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    1231 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I planned and waited and did everything “right.” We moved into our gorgeous suburban house with the perfect backyard for kids…and started our infertility workup 6 days later. Now, 3 months after that, we’ve got one failed IVF cycle behind us. There’s never a “perfect” time and there’s always something else going on in your life. If you’re ready, go for it. If you’re not, wait.

    Post # 32
    Member
    493 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I too tought there wouldn’t be a perfect time for a baby. Somethings will always come in the way, although I understand that moving out is a big event. If it’s 2-3 months we’re talking about, I might say wait, but 8 months is a long time. But considering you will move to your parent’s town, I bet they will help a lot, so I would go for it.

    Anyway if you are not ready then just wait and do what’s best for you.

    Good luck!

    Post # 33
    Member
    625 posts
    Busy bee

    You’re not old. I feel you’re not quite ready yet, your “not yet” list is longer than your “right now” list. You kind of remind me of my husband 🙂 When he’s nervous about doing something, he makes a huge list of reasons not to which kinda make sense but the solution is simple. In your case, it obviously makes more sense to go ahead and start trying, but your stress plus the upheaval in your life right now (moving sucks) may make it take a little longer to conceive anyway. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    1229 posts
    Bumble bee

    I disagree with the “there is no perfect time for a baby, so just do it” line of thinking.  While there isn’t a “perfect” time, there are better and worse times. How you define “better” depends on your unique circumstances and given what you have described, having a baby now would be pretty hard on you specifically.  Imagine you are lucky enough to get pregnant quickly – how wonderful that would be!  But also imagine yourself in your cramped apartment at 8PM, after a full day alone, struggling to calm a crying baby. When your husband finally gets home you are thrilled to have someone to converse with, plus take over for a few hours; except after an exhausting day at work+school, all he wants to do is take a break!  So you’re irritated that he won’t look after the child he was so desperate to have and he’s irritated that he has spent an exhausting day on the run and now you expect him to clean the house/cook dinner/look after the baby.  Nobody is wrong in this scenario as you both have valid needs, but who is supposed to compromise here?

    My husband wanted us to start TTC right after we got married and in theory we had nothing in our way: we both had great jobs, financially stable with savings, good health, the “right” age (I got married 2 weeks before my 31st birthday, he had just turned 34).  But I wasn’t ready.  I wanted to travel to baby-unfriendly places, camp out at music festivals, spend wine-soaked nights out with friends… None of this was “important” but I needed to get it out of my system.  We started TTC a year later and it took us 9 cycles. Not the longest time by any means, but definitely longer than we had hoped.  Honestly, by 6 months I had started to worry and we had preliminary testing done but were lucky enough to get our BFP shortly afterwards; baby girl due in November.  Of course, Darling Husband started a new job towards the end of last year (halfway through our TTC journey) and his current work schedule is absolutely nuts (like, occasionally coming home after midnight nuts).  So I might find myself managing some of those early days solo, which wouldn’t have been the case a year ago.  So yes, our perfect timing turned out to be not-so-perfect for reasons we didn’t anticipate, but at least both of us are going into this with no lingering doubts. I’m sure there will be arguments about many things but both of us will have chosen this path with both eyes wide open.

    Anyway this is a very long-winded way of me saying: if it doesn’t feel like the right timing for you, then don’t feel pressured to do it.  You are still young.  In the meantime, don’t just rest on your laurels: come off BC (switch to condoms?) and give your body time to adjust: it took me 3 months after coming off the pill to start ovulating.  Start tracking your cycles so you know if they are irregular.  Your husband can do an SA (which is cheap enough that you can pay out of pocket if insurance won’t cover without a referral).  8 months will pass faster than you probably realize with everything you guys have going on.

    Post # 35
    Member
    7071 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Well I’m not a proponant of anyone having a baby before they are ready, so don’t have a baby just because your husband is ready. That being said, you don’t know what hand of cards you’ll be dealt. There are plenty of people who try and get pregnant right away, but there are even more people who struggle or have multiple losses.

    I went off my BC and we were NTNP for 2.5 years with no pregnancy. About 6 months into trying we moved forward with some basic testing, all of which was normal. After a year of trying we finally got a BFP, only to have it end as an ectopic. We had to wait 3 months, and got pregnant right away only to have that end in miscarriage. I just turned 32 and am 9w, but and while this looks hopeful we certainly aren’t out of the woods yet. My point being, I wish we hadn’t waited as long as we had. Sure there were plenty of reasons we thought we should wait, but looking back NONE of them were that important. Knowing how hard it was to get one baby (so far) makes me even more upset we didn’t try sooner since we always envisioned more than one kid.

    We also just sold our house (closing soon!) and are moving into a temportary rental while we build. Our new house should be done the month the baby is due…sometime that month. Talk about stressful!! But you know what? That’s life, and things aren’t always perfect.

    Post # 36
    Member
    5884 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    sparklesalways :  If it were me, I’d just go for it now.  It doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to me to be pregnant or have the baby while your husband is busy, or while you still live in an apartment.

    But it’s not me, it’s you.  You said this, “I want to have the baby be the only thing on my plate at the time, the move will largely fall on me so the thought of doing this with a newborn as a FTM makes me want to scream!”

    If that’s what’s important to you, then you should wait.  It’s only 8 months.

    Another approach would be to just get rid of the birth control and see what happens naturally.  This could be a compromise with your Darling Husband since he’s supportive of getting started now.

    Post # 37
    Member
    1372 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Before I started ttc I would have said “wait it’s only 8 months”, but now that I’m on my 12 cycle trying I honestly wish we would have started sooner. But that is me. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    692 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I say wait.  8 months isn’t long.  I moved while pregnant and it was HORRIBLE.  I was SO tired, couldn’t bend down, could barely do anything.  We had to pay extra to hire movers b/c DH couldn’t do it all by himself and none of our friends were available to help on moving day.  If we hadn’t been half packed already (we knew we wanted to buy a house so never fully unpacked in our apartment), I’m not sure I could’ve even gotten everything boxed up while Darling Husband worked.  Yes, TTC has a chance of taking a long time, but it can also happen on the first try (DD was a ‘first try’ baby, I was a ‘missed a pill’ baby).  You’ll appreciate having family support nearby while heavily pregnant/postpartum.

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