(Closed) Move without a ring?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I would. If I didn’t think he was stringing me along, that is. If I knew it was coming, I would have no problem. You’re old enough that you shouldn’t feel pressured to do something because of what your mom thinks. But if YOU have to have the ring before you move to be with him, that’s a different story. If he’s told you he loves you, wants to marry you, and you’re the one, that would be enough for me, but I’d want to know an engagement was coming by a certain date, say, by the time you hit your 2 year anniversary or something.

Post # 4
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

I’d definitely move – it’s a great job opportunity, and, like you said, you know he’s the one.

But… if you need the committment that the ring represents, just get your own apartment. That way you’ll already have the job for when the time comes to get engaged, and you won’t feel either like you compromised or that he just proposed so you’d move in with him. 

Post # 5
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

i second Cellardoor, I would say move because of the job opportunity (and because it puts you MUCH closer to your honey!!!!) BUT get your own apt until he puts that ring on your finger.  You can even do a 6 month lease, that way, if he does propose within that time frame, you can move in with him once your lease is up.  Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
2008 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’d say move and don’t worry about it but I’m biased because that’s what I did.  🙂 

Post # 7
Member
497 posts
Helper bee

If it truly is an opportunity that you would take regardless of whether your Boyfriend or Best Friend was involved, than I would do it.  But stay focused on yourself and make sure he knows that you are moving for yourself and not him.  I would live in your own appt until you get a ring.  Up until that point, there isn’t enough commitment.

Post # 8
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

wow, my sister has a similar situation.  she’s in a long-term long-distance relationship and without the ring in hand (but with the understanding of an imminent engagement on both sides) she is going to do the move.  you’ve got a great job opportunity lined up, too, so you’ll be doing something for yourself as well! 

Post # 9
Member
815 posts
Busy bee

If you’re moving for the job and THEN for your Boyfriend or Best Friend then move!  I would suggest getting your own place, you might end up spending more time at your BFs than your own but at least he still knows that you are serious about a ring before you live together.  Have you guys discussed your possible move?  I am in a similiar situation but have not been that lucky in the work department, my Boyfriend or Best Friend knows he isn’t going to get me to live with him until there is a ring on my finger and a wedding in the works.  He didn’t love the idea but a year and a half later, he knows I’m serious.  Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I say move into an apartment until he proposes. 

Post # 11
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I think you should take the job, and the move toward him is secondary to that. Of course, it’s nice — wonderful even — but you’re doing what’s best for your career as well as advancing your relationship.

I’m a few years younger than you are, but I made a big move with my Fiance around the 1.5 year mark and we got separate apartments "just in case" and that made it easier. I’m not sure you’re in the same situation, but it’s something to consider. It made me feel better even though I knew we were headed toward marriage. Now it’s happening!

Post # 12
Member
5976 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Move for the job opportunity, not for the guy.  If you don’t want to move in with him until you are engaged or married then don’t – just get your own place.

Post # 13
Member
308 posts
Helper bee

you still seem kind of confused… i say follow your heart.  ^_^

it doesn’t matter what other peopel say listen to what your heart tells you.

Post # 14
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

 My vote is for moving to the city, GET that awesome job, and get a great apartment.

If he wants to move you even closer( ie, in with him), he can bring the bling!!!  I’m with your mom on this one.  Also I saw my cousin go thru something similar (like with your x boyfriend) and it all fell through.  She had no ring but wedding planned anyway.

 

Post # 15
Member
14 posts
Newbee

This is such a hard subject.  I can see it both ways for you (maybe it will make some sense?)

 

Pros to moving:

If you KNOW this is it, then it seems silly to turn down an opportunity if everything is falling into place.  You don’t want to have to go back and regret not taking something and having to settle for another job when the ring comes.

Cons to moving:

You shouldn’t have to be the one to make all of the compromises.  I don’t know your guy, but if he’s the kind that will be happy that you move and move in without the committment…that’s trouble in the long run.

Solution?

I don’t known which you should do, honestly.  My gut tells me to move as long as you know he’s for you.  The best thing though would be to talk to your boyfriend, tell him your concerns, and maybe make it clear without being demanding that you’d prefer to be engaged before making that type of leap.  Maybe he just needs to be reminded?

 

GOOD LUCK!

Post # 16
Member
2008 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

It’s sounding like it boils down to the old "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" saying.  I guess that holds true for some people but I never quite understood it.  Why would you want to be with someone who’s only marrying you for the "milk"? 

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