(Closed) Moved & changed jobs before wedding…

posted 13 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
42 posts
  • Wedding: July 2008

I can relate!  Although not wedding-related, last year I moved, got a new job, and got into a new relationship in a 2-week period–and I had about 2 weeks notice for all of it, too.  It took me a while to adjust, but at least you have time to get used to things and prepare.  It’s going to be stressful, but try to keep it simple, rely on your Fiance and don’t try to do it all alone.  I can also relate to feeling overwhelmed, just with wedding planning!  Breath, slow down–it’s only a day, and you have a lifetime to look forward to with your future husband.  I don’t know how much help you have in the planning department, but utilize as much as is available!  Don’t try to take everything on by yourself.  And give yourself time to relax and do things that recharge you, even if it’s just taking a bath or reading.  It’s really tough to adjust to big changes like that, but try to keep yourself as grounded as possible and don’t lose sight of the really important stuff.  Good luck!

Post # 4
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2007

When we were planning our wedding (destination ceremony and local reception 1.5 months later), an opportunity came up to renovate the condo cheaply (the condo was in such bad shape that the renovations were sorely needed).  We’ve been quoted $30k-$40k for the renovations and my father was able to negotiate a deal where we would spend about $10k-$20k.  We couldn’t pass up the offer but we didn’t exactly have an extra $10k-$20k lying around since we were paying for the wedding ourselves.  Not only that, I would have to deal with the renovations and payment the month before the destination wedding.  We went for it anyway (saving $10-$20k was worth the major stress).  The renovations dragged for a month and a half and we literally wrapped it a week before we left for the wedding.  It took a lot of time and more money.  Sears would mess up my order and deliveries.  I wanted to be focused on my wedding projects but couldn’t.   

The only thing I can say is to make a list.  Sounds like money and stability is taking a toll on you.  List out all your current expenses and list out what else you need to pay for.  Yes, I gave up certain things that I wanted for the wedding (in hindsight, it was no big deal anyway) to cut costs. 

List what you are making now and how you will pay for it.  While no couple should ever count on this, I knew that some guests would give money (especially Asian relatives).  So I timed the final reception hall payment so that it would come in the credit card statement after my wedding.  That helped pay off the wedding.  Having an idea of my financial situation helped alleviate some of the stress.  Good or bad, there’s an expectation of where I would end up and I had some idea of how and when it would be resolved.

Living with your brother and his fiancee is also another stress factor.  I’ve been there and done that (lived with my MoH and her husband when I was going through a rough patch in my life).  I felt like I was intruding on their lives (ie; they can’t walk naked in the living room IF they wanted to) and of course, my own instability was a lot of stress.  All I can say is that I did my best to stay out of their way (not cause extra work) and worked towards moving out (went house hunting).  No real advice here except to keep your chin up…this will all really blow over.

As for wedding planning…you’ve got an extra helping hand in your brother’s fiancee! Assuming she’s like a lot of us, she probably would love to help you out and learn a thing or two along the way for her own wedding. 

Hope all this stress hasn’t taken a toll on your relationship.  But if it has, that’s normal, too (my then-FI and I would get irritable with each other – especially over wedding spending – but everything worked out in the end).  Good luck with everything!

Post # 5
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

We are trying to get his house ready to sell, having to move him and his two kids into my house, his son has major surgery scheduled a month before the wedding, and goes off to college 6 weeks after.  And I don’t have a new job, but my major project got unfunded so I am starting at a new location (same company) on a new project this week.  So yeah, I feel for you.  Why couldn’t we get married in a year when nothing else was happening!?!  We keep telling ourselves that next year will be totally boring, and that will be soooooo nice.

Post # 6
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

No advice, but you’re not alone. my world hasn’t been turned upside down yet….but its going to be.

 i will be quitting my job about a month before my wedding, then moving my entire life 900 miles away. so that means this summer i will be back and forth on the road to my Fiance city to search for a new place to live that will take dogs.  i will have to find a new job, with loud rumblings of a recession, that concerns me.  

 i get to do this in the critical weeks right before the wedding when i should be tying up nuptial related loose ends.

when i move, the only person i will know for miles and miles and miles will be my husband. i will have no local friends or family. this wigs me out, but i have over 7 months so i am safe from panic…..i think i panic will set in in the summer when we are looking for a new place to live.

Post # 7
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

I hear you–just found out I’m going to lose my job 2 months before my wedding and I’m supporting my fiance and myself (he’s a PhD student). And, the man who’s been a second father to him is dying of a brain tumor. Ugh.

Life throws you some tough things–there’s never good timing.  Just rememeber that how you get through rough patches together with your fiance sets the tone for the rest of your marriage.  Cling to what is important–family and friends and your love.  Affirm daily why it is that you’re together!  In my case, the rough stuff has made me truly believe that life will be easier with him in it.  I feel empowered by the man I’ll marry and know that no matter what we face, we’ll do it together.  It’s a great comfort for me.

Post # 8
21 posts

Yes indeed, you are not the only one going through major changes right before your wedding.  It actually sounds pretty normal!  My Fiance and I are in a long distance relationship right now, but we’ll move in together in a new state in May (wedding in August), he will start a new job, and I will spend the summer studying for the bar exam.  We will get married ten days after I take the bar exam…and I still don’t have a job set up for the fall, so I’ll be looking for a job all summer too!  Oh right, and the wedding is in our hometown – 7 hours away from where we’ll live.  Good luck with everything – it’ll help you keep things in perspective!

Post # 9
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We graduated college in June 2006 and were planning an October 2006 wedding.  We thought that would be plenty of time to find jobs and get things in order.  Come August, we both hadn’t found jobs yet, and since we didn’t want to live together before getting married, we both were living with our parents.  At that point, we really thought that if things didn’t come together soon, we would be living with our parents once we got married!

It ended up working out fine.  We both found jobs within a couple of weeks of one another at the end of August, I moved into our apartment in September, and then we got married and he moved in!  But it was a hectic and stressful summer. The good thing was all of that time that we were unemployed, we were able to get a lot of things done for the wedding.

I think trying not to get caught up in all of the little detail-y things helps.  Sometimes you have to let things go and dont be afraid to ask for help from your family and friends. 

It also helps me to think of the "6-month rule."  Whenever I am stressed out, I think, "how will it be in 6-months?"  95% of the time, the things stressing me out will not even be an issue 6 months from now.  It really helps me put things in persepctive.

Post # 10
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

We’re moving to a yet-unknown destination, moving in together, and starting new jobs/careers. I’m going to divinity school and going through discernment to the priesthood, and Fiance is starting his medical residency. There is SO much to think about on top of the wedding.

That’s life though. It’s really messy and crazy. It’s frustrating when people are like, "Where are you going to live?" and I have no clue. Not to mention his graduation, my cousin’s wedding, etc. Oh well. You just have to get through it and trust that you’re in the right place for now. 

Post # 11
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Oh, Megs08, hang in there!  It may seem hard to grasp all the changes right now, but likely, you’re in a better place than before; otherwise, you wouldn’t have moved…Congrats on finding a new job!  Your Fiance will find something soon!

To relate: we got engaged in May, J quit his job and started med school in August, the stress from my own job made me literally sick and lose weight during the fall/winter, I quit my job in January on the leap of faith I was going to get my dream job in Feb. and didn’t…And I’ve been using this time to regroup, regain my sanity and health, and figure out what’s next, and plan my dream wedding!  Yesterday, I just learned that the person they hired for my dream job didn’t pan out, and they offered me a job!  So, in two weeks time, I will have a new job to contend with as well!  Our wedding is the end of May, as well!  Big changes, indeed!

What makes your situation that much bigger and harder is that you’re in a new place to boot, AND you’re distance-planning your wedding…

To address the first part, I would recommend finding places/people doing things you enjoy.  Are you a crafter?  Join a class at a local store.  Do you have a dog?  Go to the nearest dog park and meet people, saying you’re new to the area.  Do you have/want a faith community?  Let everyone there know that you’re new to town, and plenty of people will offer to have you over for dinner and make you feel welcome.  More than anything, a new place can be isolating and make all the other stressors feel that much more like big beasty monsters.  Tackle the isolation, and you’ll feel so much better!   [You’re living with your brother, right?  Well, at least you can lean on them while you’re adjusting, too…]

Regarding the second, planning your wedding when you’re nowhere near the location is very hard!  Rely on anyone who is in OH (I’m assuming your parents?) to work out the small stuff and keep you posted on the progress.  I’m also assuming that the big things (like vendors) are all decided, so rest assured that those pieces are all in place, and you’re that much closer to having a terrific wedding!

And remember there is an end to all the madness.  Your Fiance will have a job.  You both will adjust.  The wedding stuff will be done in two months.  You will find a place of your own, and you will always have each other. If you can just hold on for these last few weeks, you’re going to be great!  Best wishes as you sort through everything!

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