Post # 1
Long story short, after being long distance for 3.5 years, I finally agreed to relocate to my (then) FI’s city after marriage. It took me many months to find a job (I came from a big city with plentiful jobs to a smaller city with not so many jobs. Plus my field is super niche). I finally started 2 weeks ago and hate it. I’m finding that the company does not really do the type of projects that fit my background. Plus I’m not used to driving long distances; I used to live downtown and walk to work and now I have to drive 45 minutes on the highway to a suburb in literally the middle of nowhere, past the airport, in a reverse commute. There are very few transit options in my new city for reverse commuters. And more than that, I just hate the work – I feel like I’m not working up to my potential or doing what I studied, when I know I could be doing projects I am passionate about in bigger city job markets.
Now I feel stuck. I can’t really quit this job because a) that wouldn’t look good and b) it took me 8 months to land a job. But even though it’s been only 2 weeks, I can already feel the drain to get up in the morning. While people are nice enough and the salary is good, I don’t feel like my background is adequately valued here. I’m also on a team with all guys and I’m the only female (other than my supervisor). There are also virtually zero places around the office to go out to eat for lunch or hang out afterwards, so it’s even less of an incentive to make friends with the guys (they also talk football all the time and most of them have never lived anywhere else, and I’m the opposite. I love to move around, travel, and I don’t care or know much about team sports).
TD;LR: Relocated for DH. Found job. Hate said job. Now what?
Post # 2
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
This is unfortunately one of those “suck it up and make the best of it” situations for now…BUT I would advise you to start looking for another job. Stick this out as long as you can or as long as it takes to find something better. I’m sorry it sucks so much, I feel your pain. Hang in there.
Post # 3
Nothing wrong with continuing to look for other jobs while you’re working, make it a point to spend an hour or so every Friday looking. Depending on your field you may find a job working from home or one that lets you travel.
Post # 4
I am im a similar situation however i kept my job. It has been tough however speaking to employer they modified my shift but still doesnt make commute much better.
I cannot give you advice other than to warn you of my failures.Dont fall into vices. I sadly stopped exercising and eating healthy and also did lots of shopping and now i am back peddling to undo damage. I have also booked social worker appointment.
Post # 5
I totally get hating your job – but two weeks is also a very short time. I loved my last job and the people there, but I distinctly remember the first two weeks thinking I had made a huge mistake because I hated the work. I was there for 5 years and still involved with it to a degree, and my workload changed dramatically in that time. Try and be positive and give it a bit more time while you adjust.
Post # 6
- Wedding: December 2018 - City, State
I jazz up commutes with podcasts!
Look for another job while at this one… sorry it took so long Bee but something will come up, try not tonlet this get you down or get you feeling resentful – have you spoken to DH about it?
Post # 7
Keep searching and applying for other jobs. I don’t know about you but I’d rather be working than sitting at home bored and not earning money of my own. I do understand how it can be being the only woman on a team (the good old boys club smh). Hopefully something else will become available for you elsewhere
Post # 8
network and keep your resume updated. Keep applying for jobs and try to make the best of your situation. This is a job you may need to stay at until you find something more desirable.
Also, give it 6 months. That’s usually how long it takes me to get settled in and enjoy myself. Keep an open mind and find little things that can make your life better like learning a new language on your way to work or listening to a good podcast. Maybe do a potluck event at work and have lunch with everyone. Have everyone bring in a beer or two for happy hour at the office at 4pm on a Friday. It’s going to be harder not being in a big city but it’s not impossible to bond with your colleagues. Football can’t be their only interest and traveling can’t be your only interest.
Post # 9
As PPs have already said, keep looking.
It’s only been two weeks. Even in the worst jobs I’ve had I’ve found a way to learn something while I was there. Find something to learn from this experience.
Post # 10
Agree with everyone who said keep looking, but realistically there are probably just some concessions you’ll have to make. Wanting a niche job in a super small city probably means you’re going to have a commute on the highway. I live in the suburbs and work in the city, so a commute isn’t weird or abnormal to me. I think you can still have a good relationship with your male coworkers even if you guys don’t go out for drinks and hang out all the time.
It doesn’t sound like your dream job, but 2 weeks isn’t a whole lot of time to really get a feel. Once you’ve been there longer and proven/established yourself, maybe you can work on different projects that are more up your alley
Post # 11
I have a daily commute that is about 45 minutes… when I first moved further from my job (to live with my boyfriend) I absolutely hated the commute. But now that I have been doing it for a while, I enjoy the drive. Give it some time, maybe things will get better.. if not look for something else! Best of luck.
Post # 12
I’d say give it a bit of time, keep looking for other jobs, and in the meantime as you become more comfortable at the place you’re currently working, start suggestingnew projects or ideas that would make better use of your background.
If, however, in 6 months time you are finding it impossible to be happy at that job, it’s time for you and DH to have a serious discussion about what’s next. If it is nearly impossible for you to find a job that is fulfilling for you in the city you’re in now, I would hope that he would be willing to relocate for you if you find something back in your old city or a new one. Is his job a little less niche? If so, then the logical thing to do is to live where *you* can get a job since he is more likely to find something decent wherever than you are.
Post # 13
I think you need to give this job a little more time and see if anything changes. Two weeks is hardly any time at all and things might change drastically or your feelings might change.
There’s also nothing wrong with still actively looking for another job. And to be honest? The things you described are minimal compared with a lot of people’s work woes. Unfortunately that’s how the workforce is now and it’s very rare for people to find jobs they love so much that they stay for an extended period of time.
Post # 14
Is moving somewhere else not an option? I know you agreed to move to your D.H.’s location, but if it’s not working, I don’t see why you can’t discuss moving somewhere together. I agree that two weeks is early and I would try to stick it out for 6 months to see if things improved, but if you’re still miserable by then and finding another job won’t really solve your problem (the area having limited, less interesting opportunites in your field) I would consider a fresh start.
Post # 15
Thanks everyone for all the tips and advice! We have our apartment lease until September, so I’ll plan to stick it out until then and see what to do closer to summer. Ideally I’d really like to move to Portland, Seattle, or Vancouver since that’s the Mecca of my field, but I don’t really many have contacts there so I’ll aim to spend spring 2019 trying to make contacts there and apply.