(Closed) Moved to another Country to be with husband…so homesick :(

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016 - Theater

I hear you, I moved the other way around. I went from Finland to the U.S. Was there any particular reason why you moved to the UK and he didn’t move here?

I think the wedding planning is just the cherry on top that makes the whole immigrating business even more stressful. Wedding planning is hugely stressful as is. I don’t really have any advice for you, I moved to the US 10ish months ago and I’m homesick, I miss my family and friends. I guess you could try to break out of your introverted shell and just put yourself out there for friends to find. I didn’t. I sat in my introverted little cocoon at home and now I’m super damn lonely. I don’t even leave the house by myself anymore because my dysthymia has gotten so bad.

So don’t do what I’ve done. Don’t stay cooped up in the house. Forget worrying about the money and not working for now– you have tons of time to do that later. Try to find things to love about your new home, make it a little more fun and a little less a prison far away from everything and everyone you love.

Good luck. Sucks to be on this wagon!

Do you think you could find a group of fellow US expats in your area-ish?

Post # 3
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I feel you, Bee!

It sounds like being able to drive would be a great help – is it a question of a test, or lessons? If you’re not working in the meantime, why not dedicate some time to his? (Perhaps after the wedding!) It’s something to do, and once you are done – I bet you will feel much more independent, and you will have many more options to go places, meet people, etc.

In the meantime, good luck wedding planning, and enjoy the time with your friends and family!

Post # 4
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

That sounds rough! So many transitions all at once… Would it be possible for you and your husband to move to a larger town if there are any nearby? maybe that would give you more options for activities and people to meet. But if not are there ways you can start to get more connected in the village where you’re living now? How do most of the people who live there socialize? Could you get involved with things you enjoy, like for example if you like to read could you volunteer at the library? Does your husband think any of his coworkers or their partners would be fun to get to know better? Also it might be helpful to be really open minded about who could become a friend, maybe you might end up really getting along with someone quite a bit older or younger, or different than you in some other way. Good luck, I hope it gets better soon! 

Post # 5
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Moving and planning a wedding would be exhausting. I feel for you, especially not being able to drive places.

Are there any groups or activities in your village you could get involved in? When you’re not working it’s difficult to meet new people, so you have to find situations where you can. Even if you aren’t religious going to church can be a good way to meet people. 

I have done some pretty big moves and those are the things i had to do. Even things like volunteering at the library and reading to children can help you meet people. 

Unfortunately, you have to create your own way of getting to know people in the community.

Post # 6
1263 posts
Bumble bee

Can you PM me what town/county you live in? If you live 40 mins outside of London there’s a good chance I’ll be familiar with the area 🙂

Post # 7
228 posts
Helper bee

 I’ve been through trans Atlantic moves twice and it’s a challenge.  For me  the first year was the toughest home sick wise.  First off learn to drive / get a UK licence.  Start looking for a job even part time and head to the local library to get a list of local clubs / activities in your area.  Join the local gym and take classes there and you will start to see the same faces and conversations will happen, this has worked for me. You will have to make the effort to reach out but as you do you will start to network and people will introduce you to others and your circle will expand. As I said this is hard, there is a cultural difference between the UK and USA even though they share a common language but don’t give up keep at it and it will get easier. Best of luck to you hope your wedding is fantastic.

Post # 8
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Wow! That is a lot of adjusting you have had to do recently Bee! Be proud of your self! The other bees have made some helpful suggestions like focusing on getting your license there; trying to find somewhere local to volunteer; or even moving to a nearby town that is slightly bigger. You moved to another continent so I don’t think it would be too bad to request a small move!

You may be able to connect to other Bees near your area! Wouldn’t that be great? In the meantime, you have us here, so feel free to reach out any time. You’re not alone, even though you’re feeling lonely! I hope things get better for you! *hugs*

Post # 9
4121 posts
Honey bee

clo8515:  I don’t have any advice but just want to tell you my friend is in the same shoes as you. Her SO also is European. They decided since he makes good money and the benefits are generally better than the US, that it’s better for the moment that she does the moving. He’s open to moving to the US in the future because he works for an American company. They also got married 2 years ago in an American courthouse and she is planning her wedding in Europe which she also complains about because she doesn’t drive and doesn’t know who to contact for what. She’s actually in a tougher spot because the country’s official language is not English. Luckily, she lives in a major city where she has access to plenty of entertainment, restaurants/bars, malls, etc. and many of the people speak some English. She’s homesick and not currently working so her bestfriends are the internet, skype, viber and her slingbox to access American tv.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  socalgirl1689.
Post # 10
1262 posts
Bumble bee

It seems like moving back to the city could really help. Is that not an option for some reason?

Post # 11
9527 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Why can’t you drive? If you have an American license you are legally able to drive in the UK. Yes, adjusting to being on the other side of the car and “wrong side of the road” (sorry UK bees!) iis challenging but spending a couple hours in a parking lot to practice will make it much easier.

I am American and lived in London for a bit. It is an adjustment. After 6 months the novelty wore off and I was homesick. Can you visit home for a bit? 

Post # 12
6272 posts
Bee Keeper

You’ve had some great advice. I really do think driving is a must for living here (unless you’re right in the centre of a big city). That’ll give you so much more choice of work and things to do and a sense of independence. 

Post # 13
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I went through a very similar situation in 2011 when I moved over to Australia to be with my now husband. It took me about 5 months before I found work and started school. Darling Husband was working long hours as well, and even though I was in a big city, I felt so isolated.

I decided to pursue my master’s degree, thinking it would help me make friends. While I found I didn’t make many friends, if did give me something to do and occupy me.

In the months before that, I did what I could to occupy myself – joining a gym and taking classes most days. Again, I can’t say I made any long-term friends, but just the regular interaction helped.

Does your Fiance have any close work friends? Darling Husband made a big effort to organise happy hours and things so I could meet some of the ladies he works with and some of the guys’ girlfriends and wife. One of those girls ended up being a bridesmaid!

All I can really tell you is that it will get better. I never thought I would adjust completely to life in another country, or be ok going so long without seeing my family, but it’s what we all know now. In the meantime, you have the girls here for support!

Just a final note on driving, if the reason you can’t is because you’re not comfortable doing so – i found it was way worse in my head! It took me two years to get the courage to drive in Aus (though I was lucky to live in a city with good transpiration). Now I don’t think twice about it!

Stay strong, there is a lot to look forward to! Xx

Post # 14
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

clo8515:  I think your main priority should be trying to drive. You will open so many doors as soon as you can get that sorted bee! 


Post # 15
4258 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

Is there a train?  Until you find a job, can you vulunteer somewhere in the city?  That will help you meet people and get out of the house.  

Does he work in the smll town? Can you not move to a better location for you?

Can you take a class somewhere?  Even an art class or cooking or(insert hobby here) class, will help you make friends and meet people!

From my limited time in the UK, it seemed like people went to pubs often, as a way to socialize and meet people.  Can you do that?

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