(Closed) Moving 4000km for SO's job next year… advice Bee's?

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
9095 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

It sounds as if you’ve thought this through & discussed it thoroughly with your SO.  What are your main concerns?  Leaving friends & family?  Giving up your job?

I understand what you mean about being financially dependent.  I’m a lot older than you are & the idea of being financially dependent on my own husband gives me hives, even though he is completely trustworthy & responsible.

Post # 4
65 posts
Worker bee

I moved to the otherside of the world where I have to be financially dependant on my now husband (when we moved we were still bf/gf) Its really hard especially if you are used to being independant! It sounds like you have really thought this through and have a great plan for when you get there! Its important that you both dont think of it as HIS money but as “our” money.

Remember its only temporary and then you will be working and earning a living again!

Post # 6
65 posts
Worker bee

In regards to finances and him ever feeling resentful no because he knows what it took for me to move here and leave everything. When he decided to move us here he knew I couldnt work here so he was very accepting of that!

Most of our issues actually came from me being resentful that he gets to go to work everyday and I am stuck at home and unable to work! You are lucky you will have your masters program to help you make friends and get to know your new city! 

I would discuss before hand how many times you want to be able to go visit your family/friends and work the flights into your budget so Christmas or whenever doesnt come up and you dont have the disposable income to fly to your family!

The best advice I was given before we moved here was a month or two after moving here take a weekend away and when you come back say “I am going home.” It may sound really silly but it actually helps! It made this new home feel more like home!

Post # 8
65 posts
Worker bee

Join all the clubs/hobby things you can! Making friends is key! Hopefully you get accepted into the masters program! Sounds like an awesome program! But its great you have a plan B!

With my husbands job we will be always moving so we go through lots of training (which sounds crazy) but for each 8 hour class you go to you probably take away 5 minutes of worth while advice! lol

I take a lot of online courses and luckily every once and awhile a contract job for his company comes up and I get to work for awhile!

Post # 9
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

We did the same thing 5 years ago after we got married.  We moved across the country for his new job and I started my Masters degree.  It was hard for the first year when I was alone and he was working or traveling but once I got a job, it was a lot easier to handle.  I was able to make friends in class and at work to keep me company when he travels.

Post # 10
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Which state are you moving to? If you’re coming to Vic a great way to meet people is at my rotary club! But seriously, whichever state you’re heading to, look up Rotary. There are young or multigenerational clubs in all states now and it’s wonderful for professional development , meeting new people, interesting & inspiring speakers and getting warm fuzzies from helping others ๐Ÿ™‚ having moved from NZ to Sydney to Melbourne it’s been a great way to break the ice in a new city.

Post # 11
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

You’ll be fine.

I met my SO 6 weeks before moving from Melbourne to Byron Bay indefinitely, where he would have had no chance whatsoever to work in his industry. After much soul searching he ended up giving up his 100k / yr job in Melb to come with me, have zero income and do a Masters degree externally whilst we were there. It was a HUGE gamble for both of us!!! 

Two years later he’s just completed his masters, I couldn’t be more proud of him, and I don’t resent supporting him through his studies one bit. It’s furthered his employment potential within his field, and subsequently will benefit us as a couple (and family once we have babies) in the future. 

My advice would be go for it. Plus airfares home are SO cheap Tiger!!!! 

Post # 12
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Royal Park Hotel

Before you move I’d make sure you guys discussed getting married and a timeline (if that’s even what you want.)

I’ve known girls who have moved in order to follow a guy and it didn’t work out.   They survived but it was difficult.  As long as you feel like you’re making the right choice, it’s the right choice.  Personally – I wouldn’t want to be financially dependent on a boyfriend and leave an entire life behind.  That’s not secure enough for me.   It’s different if it’s a fiance or husband.

Post # 14
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Hmm this is so hard cause I will be in a similar situation probably in the future, however I am much more hesitant than you so I think you are very brave!!! Just to make sure, you will finish your undergrad first before moving out? 

I’m in a LDR with Fiance since a yr cause he went to study for his PhD and I stayed for my masters which is not available in his city. We’ve been together 7 yrs before that. I decided to do a masters because it would give me more chances to find a job near FI’s city, but if I stayed here I wouldn’t even have thought about studying more, which is kinda paradoxical cause I am doing the masters to be together in the long-term, but it separates us for even longer in the short-term : (

I just can’t see myself move out and not get a job, I would be incredibly annoyed and frustrated if it happened, especially after studying so much! I guess I’m a very independent person and cannot imagine living off my FI’s scholarship money… Hence why I’d rather be separated from him now and then join him later! I hope you can be accepted to your program and I wish you goodluck with all the process!! Give us some news : )

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